


30 Day OTP Challenge

by freckledfoxes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Angst, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, Human Castiel, M/M, Panty Kink, Post Season 8, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:05:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 49,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledfoxes/pseuds/freckledfoxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm venturing into the world of fic writing by working on the 30 day challenge. Everything in this happens post 8x23, so there will be spoilers from the show up to that point. This WILL follow a story line, and other characters will come in and be added to the tag list as I go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Holding Hands

It had been weeks since the light show put on by whatever the fuck happened upstairs. Weeks. Dean had been keeping track. He got lost somewhere in the middle of the second month.  
The longer Cas didn’t turn up, the more distant Dean became. He’d sit out on his car most of the day, knee up and staring out into nothing, as if he thought Cas was gonna pop out of a bush or come stumbling up the drive. At night he stayed up late, coffee nearby and fingertips pecking away at computer keys, searching for even a sign of some missing person that might look like Cas. Someone that might be going by the name Castiel, Jimmy Novak… hell, Emmanuel.  
A month and a half of that was all Dean seemed to be able to take. He’d even asked for Charlie’s help. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. 

It wasn’t Dean who answered the door when a knock finally came. Dean was in the study, the place he spent most of his time now. So he didn’t know what happened really.  
“Dean!”  
He’d made it to the stairs when he saw them. Sam had a very unconscious Cas in his arms.  
“What the hell?” Dean muttered, hurrying down the steps. He met Sam at the bottom. “Let me take him. What the hell happened?”  
Sam ran a hand back through his hair when Cas was out of his arms, looking more than stunned. “I don’t—I answered the door. I opened it and he just collapsed when he saw me. Dean—“  
“I got him, Sam. Go get some water or something.”  
Sam made a face and turned, heading to the kitchen.  
Dean carried Cas down the hallway and into his own room. It was the only room with a bed made already, besides Sam’s. He worked on pushing Cas’ dirty, ruined overcoat off. The guy reeked. He reeked and he was filthy, like he’d been fresh out of purgatory. It made Dean’s guy twist a little when he thought about all the shit Cas could have been through in just two months. Cas didn’t know the first thing about being human, far as Dean knew. Dean hadn’t thought Cas was Dead. Not once. He could feel it, though he never told Sam that. Just yelled at him about not knowing a damn thing when Sam had suggested as much. Cas hadn’t been dead. He hadn’t died from falling or whatever the hell had actually happed. But he could have afterward. Cas looked as sick as Sam had been just a couple months ago. He was pale, his eyes sunken into purple circles, his cheeks hollow. He was thin. The guy might be smaller than him, but Cas had never been thin. Jimmy’s body was built like a runner. Lean muscle stretched tight around athletic calves and arms.  
But Cas just looked like he should have been dead.  
The only thing that indicated otherwise was the steady rise and fall of Cas’ chest. And that was as much a bad sign as it was a good one. Cause now Cas needed to breathe. And sleep, which was all Dean hoped was going on here. He’d just passed out from exhaustion.

Sam came in with a glass of water and set it on the nightstand. He frowned, looking between Dean and Cas’ body.  
“Is he--?”  
“He’s alive.” Dean sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “S’far as I can tell. And human.”  
Sam was quite then.  
Dean stared at Cas, his face scrunched up with worry. Sam thought he could see a bit of disappointment there, too. But maybe that wasn’t exactly what it was.  
“I’m gonna go and call Charlie, let her know that we can stop searching now.”  
Dean gave a small nod and Sam walked out. 

Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked around him and then pulled the chair from the corner closer to the bed. He clasped his hands in front of him as he sat, staring down at Cas’ still form.  
“Cas.” His voice was quiet, but it seemed loud in the silence of the bunker. He took a gulp of air, his chest feeling tight. “Cas, man, you gotta wake up soon. It’s been weeks. Almost two months and I don’t know what happened but you hafta wake up and tell me what’s going on. With you and everything else. I gotta know, if you were alive, why you didn’t come back here right away. Or tried to call. We coulda helped.” Dean looked down at his hands, then glanced back up at Cas. He reached out slowly and took one of Cas’ cold hands in his own, holding it tightly between them. He sighed and looked back up at his friend. “Just wake up soon, okay, Cas? I know I was mad when you left, and I still am. But it’s crap without you around, so…”  
He fell into silence and sat there for a long time, just holding tightly to Cas hand. Holding his hand so that if he did wake up, he couldn’t flutter away, like Cas always did.


	2. Cuddling Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean nodded and moved to get up, but a cool hand hooked itself around his wrist. He looked down at his arm, then at Cas in confusion.  
> Cas stared up at him expectantly. “Can you stay here?”

“Dean?”

Dean blinked his eyes open, having only fallen half asleep. He’d sat there for hours, just watching over Castiel and holding his hand tightly. He still was.

Cas blinked up at Dean, his brows knitting together in confusion.

Dean let go of his hand quickly and scooted to the edge of his chair, getting a little closer. “Hey. Had me worried there for a minute.”

Cas took a deep breath and looked around. “We’re in your room. How did I get here?”

Dean frowned. “You don’t remember?”

Cas looked at Dean again and shook his head. “No, I—“ He shook his head again and tried to sit up.

Dean placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back down easily. He stood. “Woah, woah. Easy there, Cas.”

Cas huffed and stared up at Dean, but he didn’t move.

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

Cas looked away then, eyes skirting downward and back over to the chair.

“Cas.”

“The angels fell.”

“I know that, Cas. You wanna explain how the hell that happened?”

Cas swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down with it. His mouth fell open and a noise came out like he was about to say something, but then he closed his mouth again, looking down. Dean sighed. “Look, Cas. I get it. I get that you probably don’t want to talk about it, but we have to know what the hell is going on...”

“ _Dean._ ”

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Okay… okay, you don’t want to talk about it right now. But you have to tell me sometime. We have to know how bad this is.”

“The angels were _cast out_ of Heaven, Dean.” Cas set him with a hard glare.

“Is that what happened to you?”

Cas’ jaw tightened as he grit his teeth together.

“ _Cas._ ”

“Metatron took my Grace,” Cas said finally, rolling his eyes. “It was a spell. It wasn’t trials to close the gates of Heaven. It was a spell to cast the Angels out. I didn’t know—I thought I was fixing things. Dean—“

Dean held up a hand to stop him, sitting down on the bed beside him. “Cas, I know. I know what you were trying to do. You told me.”

Cas huffed out a sigh and looked away from him.

“Why didn’t you come here? Why didn’t you come to the bunker, man? You know where it is. You’ve been here before. I— _We’ve_ been worried sick about you. We’ve been searching for weeks.” Dean stared at him, his eyes searching for something. Some kind of answer that might be written on Cas’ face.

Cas set him with a confused stare. “You looked for me?”

Dean’s mouth fell open and he blinked. “What the— _Yes_ , Cas. Why the hell _wouldn’t_ I look for you?”

“I just—I thought—“

“Cas, I spent my entire time in Purgatory looking for you. The _entire fucking time_.”

Cas just stared at him, confused.

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Yeah, I’m pissed. I have a right to be pissed, I think. And with anybody else, I’d probably ram a fucking knife through their neck.”

Cas looked like he was about to say something, but Dean cut him off.

“But you’re family, Cas. I told you that and it hasn’t changed between then and now. I’m still pissed the fuck off, though.”

Cas swallowed again and looked down at his hands.

Dean got up slowly. “You’re probably starving. You look like you haven’t eaten since the last time I saw you.” He stopped by the doorway and pointed at Cas. “ _Do not_ get out of bed. I mean it, Cas.”

Cas looked up at him and nodded, his shoulders slumping.

 

Dean walked back into the room a short while later. Cas was still sitting where he had been, hands folded in his lap and staring around the room. His eyes fell on Dean when Dean kicked the door closed behind him. He carried the tray over and set it in Cas’ lap.

Cas looked down at the food on the tray and he took a deep breath.

“I know you’re not really use to eating—“

“I’ve been acquiring a taste for your food since I took the tablet.”

Dean stopped, raised an eyebrow at him.

“You made popcorn the last time I was here. I was the only one that ate any, if you recall. Before that I’d been drinking coffee and eating a bit of food from one of those restaurants. The same one as when we’d found Famine—“

“Biggerson’s?”

Cas gave a nod. “Yes. Their coffee is fairly good.”

Dean stared at him. “Cas.”

Cas looked up at him then.

“Why were you eating when you didn’t need to?”

“I thought I’d try it. I felt that soon I might _have_ to eat, so I thought I’d start trying things.”

Dean stared at him and Cas’ expression pulled into a confused one. “What?”

Dean sighed and shook his head. He sat down beside him. “Anyway. I just made some soup. Should be easy on your stomach. You look like you haven’t eaten in a while, so it’s probably best not to just shove all kind of stuff into your stomach. We don’t want to make you more sick. So soup and crackers and water ‘til you look a little less like you should be six feet under.”

Castiel nodded and spooned a bit of soup into his mouth. He didn’t pull a face, so Dean figured Cas didn’t _not_ like it. When Cas’ had finished, Dean picked up the tray and sat it on the floor by the door so he could take it down later. He walked back over and sat beside him.

Cas looked at him, then down at his hands.

Dean watched him and took a deep breath. “So you’re human now.”

Cas looked back up at him. “I’m not sure human is an appropriate word for it.”

“Why’s that?”

Cas sighed and picked at some dirt under his nails. “Metatron took my Grace, but… I was not created human. I know… much more than any human mind could possibly comprehend.”

“So your brains haven’t melted out your ears yet, that’s good. But you’re looking pretty human right now. You were out cold all night and you need to eat now. And bathe, apparently.”

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment before looking down at himself. “Yes, I feel rather unclean.”

“You could sleep more, if you feel like you need to. You can shower after that.”

Cas was thoughtful again and then he nodded slowly. “I could probably rest a bit more.”

Dean nodded and moved to get up, but a cool hand hooked itself around his wrist. He looked down at his arm, then at Cas in confusion.

Cas stared up at him expectantly. “Can you stay here?”

“I was just gonna move to the chair—“

“I mean stay here. On the bed.”

Dean looked at the spot he’d been sitting, then back up at Cas. He swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Okay. Sure. Whatever you want, Cas.”

Dean sat back down beside him. He started to pull his arm from Cas’ grip, but Cas held him tight. All he did was slid his hand into his before he leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean frowned, stiffening for one uncomfortable moment. But this was Cas. Cas was probably _really_ fucked up over what happened. And Cas just wanted a little contact. Dean still felt kind of weird. But he could do that for him.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’ shoulders cautiously, watching to see Cas’ reaction. But Cas didn’t do anything, just seemed to settle more in to Dean’s side.

Within moments, Castiel was asleep again, and Dean drifted off to sleep too, remnants of their conversation playing over in his mind.


	3. Watching a Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas digs through the boxes as well, pulling out films with titles in different languages even though Dean informed him that he’ll be damned if he has to sit through subtitles.  
> “Dude, we are so watching _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_. Maybe you’ll be able to relate to the aliens.”  
>  “ _Dean._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my best friend Tegan for helping me on this little endeavor. You're keeping me on track and what not, which we both know I really need. So thanks a bunch. :)
> 
> Also, my brain can't seem to wrap around tense anymore, so if you catch those mistakes, just bare with me. It's been a long time since I've written anything where that mattered.

The next few days passed by kind of like the first one. Cas didn’t talk much, just ate until he couldn’t anymore and slept when he was tired. Dean stayed with him most of the time, even through the awkward first shower. Dean knew that Cas knew that humans had to shower, but Cas put up a fight at first. Cas insisted on a bath, but there was no way in hell Dean was going to help him with that.

Cas had glared at the heavy stream of water spraying from the showerhead, his arms hugging around his bare chest as goosebumps rose on his flesh. Dean did his best to look anywhere but down as he nudged Cas toward the tub.

Once Cas was finally in, though, Cas’ opinion of the whole thing flipped.

Over an hour later a loud yelp came from the bathroom. Dean rolled his eyes and knocked on the door. He went in to find Cas standing outside the shower, shaking and hugging himself again.

“You can’t take that long of showers, Cas,” Dean had told him. “The hot water doesn’t last forever.”

He bundled Cas up in a towel before he went and found him pajama pants and a flannel to wear. Cas had crawled back into bed and pulled the blankets up around him tightly, still shivering, and Dean couldn’t help the small smile that the sight procured.

 

“C’mon, Cas. You gotta get up. You’re wasting the day.”

Cas hugged his pillow tighter and grumbled something unintelligible. Dean rolled his eyes and yanked the comforter off of him. One thing he’s learned about Cas since he got his mojo taken from him was that Cas was usually pretty grumpy in the mornings. Cas seemed to like sleep, which was odd to Dean at first, but then he wondered what Cas might be dreaming about when it wasn’t one of his bad nights. He probably dreamed about being an angel again, flying around and smiting demons and whatever else it was Cas liked to do before.

Cas just curled up more and looked up at Dean with a glare that probably would have Dean had Cas still had his Grace.

Dean just gave him a “suck it up” smile and patted his cheek. “C’mon. Coffee’s ready for you downstairs and I made a kickass breakfast I think you can finally stomach. Get up.” Dean knew that as much as Cas hated mornings, he loved coffee a lot more.

Cas glared at him the entire time he sat up, pulled on his slippers, and wrapped a fluffy robe around himself, though, as though this was one of Dean’s worst offenses.

“Thata boy. Let’s go,” Dean said, grinning. He patted Cas’ shoulders and squeezed before steering him into the kitchen.

Dean set out a plate of food at the small table, along with a mug of hot coffee prepared just how Cas liked it. Cas went for the coffee first, not even waiting for it too cool down a little more.

“So,” Dean started, leaning back against the counter as he watched Cas examine the food before eating a little bit. Cas made a face that looked more-or-less pleased and continued eating. “Kevin’s holed up in the library today. I think he’s trying to find information about completing his GED or diploma or whatever. Sam decided to follow a lead on a case—“

Cas looked up at that. “Why aren’t you with him?”

“You think I’m gonna leave you’re sorry ass here to fend for yourself for god knows how long?”

Castiel made an annoyed sound. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself Dean.”

“Sure you are. I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“I’m not helpless Dean.”

“You don’t even get out of bed unless I make you.”

Cas looked up at him and it was the same face he’d trained on Dean when he’d forced him out of bed that morning. Dean smiled.

“If you were so worried about me, Kevin’s here. He can help me.”

Dean shook his head. “Think the kid’s still a little pissed at you, Cas. So it’s better that I stayed.”

Cas just stared at him then.

Dean took a deep breath and made a face. “Anyway. I don’t know what you want to do. I kind of want to take the day off from going through all of the boxes and books and shit. But you’re welcome to look at some things. Maybe you’ll know what it is without having to look them up.”

“What do _you_ want to do?” Cas asked him, biting into a piece of toast.

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I was maybe gonna dig through the films that were laying around in the room with where we’d found the demon cure footage. See if there’s anything in there that isn’t home video.”

Cas nodded slowly and smiled. “I’d like to do that, I think.”

“Yeah?” Dean smiled a little at that and pushed off the counter. “Finish eating and we could head back there.”

“Can we make popcorn?”

“Oh. Well, yeah. Sure. I’ll do that while you eat.”

Cas ate mostly in silence, other than noises that came from a few particularly good bites of food, Dean supposed. He tried not to associate the sounds with anything other than food. Cas finished two more cups of coffee while Dean worked on the popcorn. He poured it into a bowl when it was finished and looked up at Cas. “Anything else?”

Cas shook his head and took the bowl from his hands, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth.

 

“Dude, they have _War of the Worlds_ in here! The original!”

Dean digs excitedly through boxes of old movies, bypassing the silent films for ones that were made a little closer to their current time period. That really only goes up to the 40’s and 50’s, but Dean isn’t complaining. It’s been a while since he’d seen a good ol’ classic.

Cas digs through the boxes as well, pulling out films with titles in different languages even though Dean informed him that he’ll be damned if he has to sit through subtitles.

“Dude, we are so watching _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_. Maybe you’ll be able to relate to the aliens.”

“ _Dean_.”

“What? Come on, that’s hilarious. _I’m_ hilarious.”

Cas shakes his head and pulls out one last film. _Fantasia_ is written neatly across the label, along with a brief description. “This one is animated. You like those kinds of movies, don’t you?”

Dean looked up. “Yeah. Old _Loony Toons_  and stuff. What’d’ya got?”

Cas held up the film reel and Dean’s eyebrows went up a little. “ _Really_?”

Cas shrugged. “It sounds interesting.”

Dean watched him for a moment, then sighed. “Fine. We can watch it. But we’re watching _War of the Worlds_ first.”

Cas smiled a little and nodded.

 

Cas had settled into a chair and was popping popcorn into his mouth by the time Dean made him way over to the seats. He sat next to him and settled into the chair with a sigh. He looked over at Cas. “No commentating,” he warned.

Cas’ mouth quirked up a bit at the corner and he shook his head. “Of course not, Dean.”


	4. On a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean glanced over at him. “Wonderin’ where we’re headed?”
> 
> Cas took a deep breath. “Not really. Anywhere new should be nice. I trust you.”  
> It wasn’t _I trust your judgment_ or _I trust your sense of direction_. Just him. He just trusted Dean in general, which made Dean’s stomach do a little flip, considering one of their last conversations before the whole Metatron fiasco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is up a few hours later than normal, but I didn't figure that would be a problem. I procrastinated until the last minute with this chapter and I wasn't sure what I was going to do for it, but once I figured it out, it came pretty easily and I think this is my favorite chapter so far.   
> Thank you to everyone who is reading this!

Sam showed up just a couple days later, grumpy and sleep-deprived.

He wasn’t 100%, not since the attempt at the last Trial. But Dean couldn’t keep him in the bunker forever. Sam was becoming irritable and he could barely keep still. He needed a hunt.

But it seemed like it didn’t really take the edge off once he got home. The case had been pretty quick, typical salt and burn. But whatever was wrong with Sam that hadn’t fully gone away yet took its toll.

“Dean. Haven’t you done anything since I’ve been gone?”

They were at the table in the main room with the backlit map. Dean was reading the paper, sipping coffee. Cas was still watching movies and Kevin was working on preparing for the test to get his GED. Dean looked up at his brother, eyebrows raised.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to keep our newly human angel occupied.”

Sam made a face at him. “You guys could have been working on going through the hundred boxes of artifacts we have laying around.”

“He wanted to watch movies,” Dean said defensively.

“Which I’m sure is an activity you suggested.”

“I wanted a day off, and Cas decided he would rather have watched movies than go through centuries old boxes, okay? I had to sit through fucking _Fantasia_ and about a dozen weird foreign films, man. Stop giving me shit about doing work.”

Sam huffed and shook his head.

“Besides that, I’m not gonna push working onto Cas. He’s got enough to deal with without having to wrap his brain around what some 500 year old pair of glass slippers or something is.” Dean looked back down at the paper, going back to what he was reading.

Sam was silent for a moment; Dean thought he was in the clear—Until Sam cleared his throat.

“So, you two watched movies.”

“Yeah. That’s what I said.”

“Nothing else?”

Dean was quiet for a moment before he looked up, glaring at his brother. “What exactly are you asking me, Sam?”

Sam shrugged. “I was just asking.”

“ _What_ are you _asking_?”

“Was it like, I don’t know. Was it like a date?”

Dean stared at Sam, completely at a loss for words.

“Look, Dean, he’s your best friend. Cas has been closer to you than anyone I’ve ever seen. You let him off the hook every time he messes up, where if it were anyone else, you would have ditched them a long time ago—“

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m just _saying_ , Dean, that it’s okay if you two are, I don’t know—More than friends, I guess.”

Dean set him with a hard stare, feeling sick to his stomach.

“It’s not like—I don’t know, the way you were with Aaron kind of solidified it for me.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s not something you have to hide from me. I get it.”

“Dammit, Sam. I’m not hiding anything.”

“Then take Cas out on a real date.”

“What?”

Sam stared at him. “Then take him out somewhere. If you’re not gonna hide, actually take him out to do something rather than coup yourself up in here.”

Dean set his mug down a little harder than he meant to and got up, chair legs squeaking on the hard wood. “I’m not _dating_ Cas.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Right.” His tone was nothing short of sarcastic.

 

Cas padded to Dean’s room a while later, stretching out his stiff muscles. He’d watched more movies than he’ll probably be able to remember since very early that morning, but he’d enjoyed them. And they passed the time.

Dean’s door was mostly open and he peered inside to see Dean kicked back on his bed, a magazine flipped open in front of him. Cas knocked on the open door to announce his presence and Dean looked over. He sat up.

“Oh, hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean,” he said softly, stepping into the bedroom. He hadn’t been in the room much since the first couple of nights. They’d cleaned up a room for him that was just on the opposite side of Sam’s, slightly down the hall from Dean’s. He missed the warmth in Dean’s room. It had far more decoration and belongings than his own, even though most of Dean’s decoration was weaponry.

“What’s up?” Dean tossed the magazine aside and turned his full attention to Castiel.

Cas shrugged and took a deep breath. “I want to be done watching movies for the day.”

“You wanna do something else?”

Cas nodded. “I was hoping you could suggest something.”

Dean thought for a moment, running his hand over his face. He looked conflicted for a moment, and something in Cas seemed to tug with nervousness at that.

A small smile pulled at the corners of Dean’s mouth then and he nodded slowly. “Yeah… We can do something. Just… you should go change out of your pajamas.”

“We’re not staying here?”

Dean shook his head. “Nah. Sam’s pretty grumpy today and Kevin’s studying. So we’ll just go out and get out of their hair.”

Cas nodded. “Alright. I’ll go and put on other clothing.”

They’d gone to a thrift store and had gotten Cas just a few of his own things. It wasn’t much, only filled one drawer of his dresser, but it was all Castiel could call his own. He pulled on some clothes, a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of well-worn jeans, and pulled on his shoes before going back to Dean.

Dean looked up at him when he walked in and he smiled a little. He sighed and stood up. “Let’s go, then.”

 

Dean drove along a dusty backroad, heading Southeast.

Cas watched out the window, head leaning against the edge of the window so his face caught a lot of the wind. It was a hot, mid-July day. Cas preferred the heat over the cold, sure, but this was a bit too much.

Dean glanced over at him. “Wonderin’ where we’re headed?”

Cas took a deep breath. “Not really. Anywhere new should be nice. I trust you.”

It wasn’t _I trust your judgment_ or _I trust your sense of direction._ Just him. He just trusted Dean in general, which made Dean’s stomach do a little flip, considering one of their last conversations before the whole Metatron fiasco.

“Remember that time you came into my dream,” Dean finally said after a moment. “Was about… four years ago I think? Somewhere around there. Right before you got sucked out of Jimmy’s body?”

“I recall that unpleasant experience, yes.”

Dean huffed out a laugh, though he supposed it probably wasn’t a very funny memory to Cas.

“Anyway, yeah. Well… I was fishing, in that dream, you know. It’s kind of nice. There’s this lake about an hour and a half Southeast of here in Mitchell. Pretty big. There’s a state park along it. Was thinkin’ we could teach you how to fish.”

Cas looked over at him then. “Do you consume the fish you’ve caught?”

“Uh… Well, we could. I haven’t really kept many of the fish I’ve ever caught. Being stuck in motels means no kitchen. So there’s really no use in keeping the fish.”

“If we catch them, we should bring them back and use them for dinner. I don’t want to hurt them unnecessarily.”

Dean laughed at that and looked over at him. “Really?”

Cas frowned at him. “It seems cruel to cause them pain when there’s no other reason for it but sport.”

Dean watched him for a moment before he smiled a little, giving a small nod. “You’re right, Cas.”

 

“Dean, I’m not really sure that this is going to work for me.”

Dean sat on a rock at the edge of the lake, threading Cas’ line through a fourth hook. Cas didn’t seem to be taking well to casting out, losing his line to a tree almost every time he’s tried.

“You’ll get it, Cas. It takes practice.” He tied off the hook and got back to his feet. He handed the pole to Cas, who now stared at it as though it were some kind of bomb set to go off in seconds.

Dean sighed and nudged Cas back over to the water’s edge. Cas stared at the water, not moving.

“Cas, c’mon. You’ll get it.”

“Dean, you could just do the fishing. I’m content to watch.”

Dean shook his head. “No way. You’re learning to fish. If it takes us a week, you’re at least gonna catch one fish.”

Cas made a face. “That’s a long time to be here at the lake.”

Dean shook his head. He moved up behind Cas after fighting with himself for several moments, and he set his hands over his.

“What are you doing, Dean?” Cas asked, though he made no move to put distance between them.

“What I should have done to begin with so I wasn’t out a few hooks. I’m gonna show you how to do this with _you_ doing it. As opposed to you watching me do it.”

Cas huffed.

“Don’t complain, Cas.” Dean put his hands how they were supposed to be and looked out at the water. He set the end of the rod against Cas’ hip and looked down. “Okay, so you want to hold the pole like you’re gonna shake someone’s hand. With just your right hand. I mean you could do it with your left, but I’m right handed, so this is how I’m gonna teach you.” He turned to the right slightly, turning Cas along with him. He held the pole out a little. “Okay, so you wanna stand like this, bring your arm up a little, and when you cast the line out, you wanna do it with your wrist. Not your elbow.”

He brought Cas’ hand back a little and snapped it forward, releasing the line out into the water.

Cas blink and took a deep breath. “Oh.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, see. Easy. Here, we’ll bring it back in and you can do it by yourself once.” He stepped away from Cas after lingering behind him a little longer than necessary. He reeled it in and handed the pole back to Cas, who looked at the pole with a little more interest now. He did as Dean had just showed him, casting out the line and not getting caught in a single tree. Cas mouth pulled into a big grin that made Dean fill with warmth.

“Easy as pie, huh?”

Cas smiled and nodded. “It seems much simpler now.”

 

Cas was, surprisingly, pretty good at fishing. They had a bucket full of fish by the time they were ready to head home, about half of them just from Cas.

“That was fun, huh?” Dean asked on the drive back.

Cas smiled and nodded. “It was.”

Dean grinned and turned his attention back to the road.

“We should go more often,” Cas continued a few moments later.

Dean looked over at him. “Yeah? We could make it a regular thing. Once or twice a month or something. Between hunts and stuff.”

Cas smiled and nodded slowly, looking out the window at the golden glow cast by the setting Midwestern sun.

 

Dean went inside after Cas, having had him go ahead to get things ready in the kitchen to prepare the fish. Sam looked up at him from his computer at the table in the main room. His smirk certainly was a change from this morning, but it didn’t put Dean at ease.

“So,” Sam said slowly. “How was your date?”

Dean scowled at him and walked faster toward the kitchen.

“Shut the hell up, Sam.”


	5. Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas worked diligently for days, cleaning out the greenhouse, clearing away the dead plants and taming the wild mess that taken over most of the floor. He organized and depotted things, repotted and planted new seeds. He worked for days, finding peace in getting his hands dirty.  
> Dean came in one day, two beers in hand, and looked around. He was clearly impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is quite a few hours later than the other chapters have been, so I apologize for that. This chapter had given me some trouble and I'm still not really sure about it. But here it is! Enjoy!

The days drudge on, much of the same. Sam doesn’t bring up dating again, but Dean suspects he told Kevin by the way he and Sam talk amongst themselves in hushed voices when they think no one is paying attention. It aggravates Dean to no end, but he’s not about to talk about it. Dean would rather simmer in ignorance towards the whole situation. Talking and _feelings_ certainly aren’t his thing. He’s spent the better part of his life avoiding them, so why would he start with them now?

Dean keeps himself busy, buried in the engine of the Impala if he’s not going through boxes or artifacts for archiving or showing Cas how to do menial tasks. He’d taken Cas to the convenience store in town a few days ago, since they were running low on a few things, and the kid behind the counter gave Cas the most horrified expression. That led to Cas explaining his little trip to town before Metatron whisked him away, and Dean decided that Cas should probably do things with supervision at least once first, no matter how basic it seemed.

Cas seemed to have no problem with Dean showing him how to do things, however. He would watch Dean with curiosity, much like he always has, eyes never leaving the task at hand. Cas wouldn’t stop, either, until he could at least get it mostly right. There were some things that some people just couldn’t do, though. Like make a perfect grilled cheese twice in a row or boil noodles just right.

Cas actually wasn’t as good in the kitchen as Dean thought he would have been. Not that Dean thought extensively about Cas cooking, but he always figured if push came to shove Cas would be pretty close to a master chef.

But after burning several pizzas (even setting one up in smoke), Dean realized that Cas was going to have to find a different hobby. Which worked out okay for Dean. He really didn’t thinking sharing the kitchen with someone else was going to work out too well for him.

Cas seemed discouraged at not being able to find something he was truly gifted with. He could still fight well enough, pinning both Sam and Dean several times, but his aim was off. He’d mentioned to Dean how blurry far away things seemed, and Dean had just rolled his eyes.

“Great,” he’d grumbled. “Now we’re going to have to worry about getting you glasses and keeping _track_ of them, cause God knows you won’t.”

Cas still had all of his former knowledge that he’d had when he had his Grace. He was good with languages and he could recall events and what certain artifacts were and where they came from rather easily. But he didn’t _enjoy_ any of these things. He didn’t like to sit around researching like Sam did. He wasn’t good at cooking like Dean, and helping Kevin study, at Sam’s request, only ended up with a frustrated Kevin and a very confused Cas.

“I’m not really sure what else there is that you can do around here, Cas,” Dean had told him one day after Cas had come to him one evening, bored out of his skull. “It’s not like we have a whole lot of access to different hobbies or something. Maybe you should just take up jogging or something. You’ve always been good at running.”

Cas left Dean after that comment. He hadn’t liked the expression that had clouded over Dean’s face, then, or the tone in his voice. It made Cas’ stomach twist unpleasantly.

Cas did try jogging though. And he enjoyed it enough to continue doing it most days. It reminded him somewhat of flying. And the heat that accompanied the rush of his blood sometimes felt like Grace burning within him. Part of him had thought those feelings would only bring him pain, but he was grateful for them.

Jogging didn’t pass the time like Cas had hoped. Once he came back in the mornings, he was energized and ready to _do_ something. Only there was nothing for him to do.

 

Cas wandered around the bunker most days. He moved about, looking through everything just to keep his hands busy. He spent a day in every room, going through boxes and books and papers. He went through drawers and found things previous residents had left behind. He brought some things to his room. Small decorations and books full of pictures and poems. He collected these things for his own, displaying them in his own room like he’d seen Dean do with his own things.

He wandered down the hall, past all of the rooms he’d been in previously, turning to the left down another hall. There were more doors lining the walls, but the door at the end drew Castiel’s attention. There was a small window toward the top of the door where a greenish light came through.

He did not expect the bunker to have a greenhouse, though now that he thinks about it, it makes sense to grow some of the things they would need right here at the headquarters. He stepped inside, looking around curiously. It was overgrown and many things were dead, but a few resilient plants had survived the years of neglect.

 

“Dean?”

Dean didn’t look up from the box he was digging through. “Yeah, Cas?”

Castiel watched him for a moment. “I have a favor to ask you.”

Dean looked up at him then.

“There’s a greenhouse down one of the halls. I don’t know if you knew yet or not.”

Dean set down the weird talisman that was in his hand, an amused smile playing on his lips. “You gonna try gardening, Cas?” He said it as if the thought were comical. But when Cas said nothing and continued looking at Dean seriously, Dean looked less amused and more surprised. “Really?”

Cas nodded. “I would like to try it.”

“So, I’m guessing the greenhouse isn’t in pristine condition right now.”

“No. It’s quite overgrown and there’s a few dead things. It looks like perhaps they grew plants mostly for spellwork and healing.”

“Is that what you wanna grow in there?”

“We should grow those things. They would be useful. But perhaps I can make a small space for flowers, as well. Not food, though, unfortunately. I don’t believe it would be wise to grow food in the same greenhouse as plants used for spells.”

Dean put what he’d been working on away and he closed the box. “Then I guess let’s get to the store. You know what you need?”

Cas nodded. “I believe so.”

 

Cas worked diligently for days, cleaning out the greenhouse, clearing away the dead plants and taming the wild mess that taken over most of the floor. He organized and depotted things, repotted and planted new seeds. He worked for days, finding peace in getting his hands dirty.

Dean came in one day, two beers in hand, and looked around. He was clearly impressed.

“It looks great in here, Cas.”

Cas was working on watering a section of the greenhouse, making his way around the room. He looked up and smiled. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean eyes seemed to glow with warmth. He set the bottles on a small table, then looked over at a few pots with little sprouts peeking up out of the soil. He grinned. “Would you look at that. Looks like you got yourself a green thumb.”

Castiel frowned and looked down at his hands. “My hands are actually a little brown from the dirt—“

“It’s an expression, Cas. Means you’re good with plants.”

“Oh.” Cas smiled a little at the compliment then.

“Can you take a break for a minute? Brought you something cold to drink. It’s getting warm in here and you’ve been in here all day.”

Cas turned off the water. “I could rest for a minute.”

He sat with Dean on a small bench near the door, taking the bottle Dean handed him.

Dean looked around again, taking a drink. He licked at his lips. “This is nice, Cas. This will be really helpful.”

Cas looked over at him. “I need to do something so I’m not completely useless.”

Dean frowned. “You wouldn’t be useless even if you weren’t gardening, Cas.”

“I’m not especially good at much else like you, Sam, and Kevin are. Without my Grace I—“

“You don’t need your Grace to be good at stuff. I’m sure it helps, but you can find things you’re good at by working at them.”

“It’s hard to help you without my Grace.”

Dean sighed. “Cas, I don’t need your Grace.”

Cas frowned at him. “But without my Grace I’m—“

“You’re still you without your Grace, man. I’m just glad that you’re here.”

Cas watched him, confusion pulling his brow together in the middle of his forehead. He thought Dean had always liked having him around for the extra advantage. The power of an angel was certainly helpful during most hunts and everything else that has happened. He never figured Dean would care if he stayed or left if ever his powers ceased to be.

Dean frowned at him. “I can practically see the steam coming out of your ears, Cas. You don’t have to think about it that hard. I just like having _you_ around.”

“Dean, I—I always figured that once you had no use for me that—“

“That what? We were gonna call it a day and go our separate ways?”

Cas shrugged. “I figured you just liked having me around because I was a good weapon.”

Dean made a frustrated sound and shook his head. “Cas, as far as I’m concerned, you’re family. Things are better when you’re around.”

Castiel took a deep breath and looked down at the bottle in his hands, chewing the inside of his lip.

“I always thought you would be the one to leave first.” Dean’s words come out slow and quiet, as though he didn’t intend Castiel to hear them.

Castiel knew his transgressions, but never fully realized how much they affected Dean. He thinks he might be starting to understand now. Cas has started to catch the underhanded comments here and there. Jabs at his attempts to help when he was only making things worse, remarks about his tendency to leave without warning. Dean doesn’t show how much these things have hurt him, and Cas doesn’t ask; knows Dean doesn’t like to talk about things that bother him. But his words slip out and Dean doesn’t even seem to notice. They just come out because they’re true.

“I’ve only ever done what I’ve thought would keep you safe,” Cas says after a moment.

Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, Cas, I know.”

Castiel watched his friend. “I would not leave you permanently unless you asked it of me.”

Dean looked at him then , something on his face that Castiel can’t quite decipher.

The air in the greenhouse feels several degrees warmer now, and their closeness on the bench isn’t helping. But neither of them moves. They sit there in silence for a while, drinking from their bottles and looking around the greenhouse, as if to avoid looking at each other.

“Cas?”

Cas looked up at Dean, but didn’t have time to register the fact that Dean was now impossibly close before their lips met. Castiel was still for a moment, stunned into immobility. Dean’s hand found his side, and the warmth that spread through Cas seemed to melt his surprise away. His eyes fluttered closed and he opened up to Dean.

It wasn’t the best kiss Dean had ever experienced. Not by a longshot. But he didn’t expect it to be. As far as he knew, Cas was still a virgin and unless he’d been kissing Kevin or Sam (a thought Dean pushed from his mind quickly), there was no way Cas had any experience with this. It was slow and kind of nice for a few moments before it got a little sloppy. Cas’ hands made their way to Dean’s chest where he gripped the front of his shirt. Cas got eager pretty quick. Their teeth clicked together, lips pressing hard enough to bruise, all the while Cas’ tongue seemed to have a mind of its own as it mapped out the inside of Dean’s mouth. Dean could hardly complain, though. It was the only action he’d seen in a year. And this was Cas. He was _kissing Cas_.

Dean was the first to pull back, his hands holding Castiel’s face just inches from his own. He opened his eyes to see Castiel staring at him, blue eyes wide with surprise.

Dean ran a thumb slowly over Cas’ swollen bottom lip and he took a deep breath. “I’ll let you get back to work, okay? Remember we’re watching a movie tonight with Sam and Kevin.”

Dean got to his feet and left before he could do or say anything stupid, leaving Castiel gaping after him.


	6. Wearing Each Other's Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas nodded slowly and got to his feet. He pulled on the sweatpants and henley dean had tossed to him.  
> Dean watched him, chewed the inside of his lip. Wasn’t as good as watching Cas take his clothes off, but it was close. Dean’s sweatpants hung low on Cas’ hips and when Cas raised his arms up a bit, a strip of skin around his middle peeked out.  
> Dean pulled on his own clothes quickly before he got any ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bumping up the rating again. Enjoy!

A whole day goes by without a mention of what happened in the greenhouse.

Cas isn’t sure what to think. He knows that for Dean, a kiss could really mean nothing at all. He knows Dean; knows he’s lain with many people and never kept in contact with any of them after a certain period of time. He knows of only two people that really ever meant anything to Dean outside of sexual attraction. One of them he hasn’t talked to in years, the other has no memory of him at all.

Cas goes about his normal business, but his thoughts drift constantly to Dean. He can’t forget the touch of their lips, the sudden warmth that had flooded through his body, and the urgency that made him cling to Dean like he might float away at any moment. He couldn’t forget the look on Dean’s face before their lips met. It was a look he’d seen a few times, but had never given it any thought.

 

Cas finishes in the greenhouse for the day, wipes his hands on his pants before heading to the bathroom. He showers, scrubbing dirt and sweat from his body and lingering for a moment, closing his eyes and just focusing on the warm stream of water.

Dean’s face flickers behind his eyelids, the feel of their kiss bringing him back to the previous afternoon. A warmth pools in his gut and he shivers. It’s not a sensation he’s particularly use to. He recalls a few times, when he still had his Grace, when arousal had affected his body, but he had never felt it like this. His Grace had dulled the human senses of his vessel to replace them with his own.

But now he feels it with its full weight, his cock twitching with interest between his legs. He knew the mechanics of dealing with this sort of thing, after years of watching humans. But it seemed like such a chore.

So he ignored it and reluctantly made the water colder. It helped, chilling the warmth that had overtaken him and settled his nerves. He shut off the water and stepped out after a short time, toweling off and pulling on his pajamas. He started down the hall toward his room as Dean stepped out of his.

They’d watched a movie the night before with Kevin and Sam, but had barely talked to each other since their kiss.

Cas glanced at him, giving him a small, quick, nervous smile, moving closer to the wall to walk around Dean quickly.

“Hey, Cas?”

Cas stopped and looked at him. “Yes, Dean?”

Dean watched him for a moment before turning toward him fully. “C’mere.”

Cas narrowed his eyes in confusion, his head tilting slightly to the side.

Dean sighed and opened the door to his room again and stepped inside. “Please, Cas?”

Cas took a deep breath and swallowed, starting toward dean hesitantly. He walked into his bedroom and stepped to the side as Dean closed the door behind him.

Dean watched him, leaning in a little to catch Cas’ eyes with his own, bring his gaze forward again. “You okay?”

Cas frowned. “Of course, Dean. I’m fine.”

“You kind of avoided me all last night.”

Cas huffed out a sigh. “Dean—“

“You can just tell me if what happened yesterday was out of line.”

Cas looked at him then. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I won’t do that again if you don’t want me to. I wasn’t even sure if I should, but…” Dean shrugged.

“You think I wouldn’t want us to kiss again?”

Dean blushed. “Uh, well, I’ve been wrong in gauging what people want before—“

“Dean.”

Dean looked up at him, then. He’d looked toward the floor, suddenly seeming nervous and shy. “Look, Cas, I told you that—That I— _need_ you. And I meant that, but I wasn’t sure you understood what I meant—“

Dean didn’t notice Cas move closer until it was too late. Cas pinned him back against the door, hands gripping Dean’s shoulders tightly as he pressed his lips to his. Dean found Cas’ hips hands moving under his shirt just to feel a bit of skin. He kissed Castiel back, tilting his head to slot their mouths together. Cas made a grunting sound, fitting a knee between Dean’s legs and pressing impossibly close, needing more. He nipped at Dean’s lower lip and kissed along his jaw. Dean tipped his head back, swollen lips hanging open. He groaned as Cas sucked a mark into the underside of his jaw. Cas picked it up and did it again and Dean’s knees went weak.  
“Cas,” he gasped, his thumbs rubbing circles into his hipbones. But Cas didn’t seem to notice. He nipped and sucked at his throat, wanting to taste every bit of him.

Dean bit his lip. He moved his hands to Cas’ and took them tightly. He held them between them and pushed at Castiel. Cas broke from his neck and looked up at Dean, thoroughly wrecked and confused. Dean smiled and bit his lip, walking them back toward the bed until Cas’ legs hit it. He pushed Cas down and climbed over him. Cas stared up at Dean, pushed up on his elbows. Dean wrapped a hand around the back of Cas’ neck and pulled him up to meet his lips again, touching them together only slightly, which pulled a whine from Cas’ throat.

“Calm down, Cas,” Dean said gently.

“ _Dean_ —“

Dean shushed him then, pressing his lips to his. He kissed him slower, gentler, settling into Castiel’s lap. His hands hesitated in the air for a moment before he took Cas’ face in his hands, thumbs grazing over Cas’ cheekbones lightly. Cas’ hands found their way to the buttons of Dean’s flannel. He fumbled with them, wanting fewer layers between them, needing the warmth of Dean’s skin against his.

Dean shrugged out of his undershirt when the flannel was off and was grateful for it. It was hot, Dean’s skin already shiny with sweat. He pulled at the bottom of Cas’ t-shirt, sliding it up over his head and arms before tossing it away. He leaned back down, pressing a kiss to Cas’ clavicle while he unbuckled his belt. He fumbled with the button of his jeans and unzipped them before sliding his hands up over Cas’ abdomen. He skimmed his lips over his shoulder lightly, barely touching.

Cas shivered and tipped his head back with a small sound.

Dean smiled. “You okay, Cas?” he whispered, pressing a kiss to a soft spot where his chest and should met.

Cas made a frustrated sound and suddenly Dean was on his back, Cas straddling his hips. Cas worked on Dean’s pants, undoing them quickly before pushing them down. “Clothes are a nuisance.”

Dean chuckled and took Cas’ hands. “Cas, what are we doing?”

Cas looked up at him. “What?”

“Are—Do you want to--?” Dean blushed, though he was probably too flushed to tell. “Cause I don’t—I don’t wanna move too fast with you.”

Cas watched him. “I just want to feel you, Dean.”

Dean took a deep breath and smiled, nodding. “Yeah. Okay. But—Dude, I’m keeping my underwear on.”

Cas rolled his eyes and pushed himself up onto his knees and pushed his own pants off quickly. Dean watched him, his heart hammering against his ribs. He’d just expected a talk. He didn’t know Cas would be so eager.

But this was good, too.

Cas leaned back down again, pressing close and wrapping his arms around dean’s neck. Dean leaned up to meet him, nudging his nose to Cas’ before kissing him. Cas seemed in better control now. And he seemed to be getting it. He wasn’t pushing too hard or doing weird things with his tongue. Dean’s hands rubbed slowly up and down Cas’ sides for a moment before settling on his hips.

Dean liked this. More than he thought he ever would. He put it off for so long, sure that what he felt wasn’t really there or it didn’t mean what he thought it did. But this felt good. It felt right. Holding Cas, feeling his skin, kissing him. Dean liked the way he tasted, like coffee and something earthy, something sweet that lingered when their lips would part.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but Dean pulled back after a while, looking up at Cas and taking his face in his hands again. “Hey.”

Cas’ lips were still parted, as if expecting more. He blinked his eyes open and sort of looked at Dean, but he looked far away.

Dean smiled. “Earth to Cas.”

Cas took a deep breath and blinked again, closing his mouth. “Why’d you stop?”

“Are we just gonna make out all night?” Dean asked with a chuckle.

Cas smiled a little and leaned in again. “Yes.”

Dean laughed and put a hand on Cas’ chest to hold him off a little. “How about we sleep?”

Cas huffed. “That’s such a waste of time.”

“You’ve been working all day, Cas. I’ve been archiving all day.” He leaned forward, bypassing Cas’ lips to press a kiss to the side of his face. “You don’t have to leave, though.” He looked at Cas expectantly.

Cas watched him. “You want me to sleep in here?”

Dean shrugged. “You can if you want to. I’m leaving it up to you. Do you want to stay or no?”

Something passed over Dean’s features that Cas was too slow to catch, but he could sense something else behind Dean’s words.

“I’d like to stay,” Cas answered after a moment.

Cas climbed off of him and they situated themselves on Dean’s bed. The lay facing each other and Dean pulled the blankets over them.

“Dean?”

Dean turned back over from turning off the lamp. He looked in Cas’ direction, though it was too dark to see. “Yeah, Cas?”

Castiel was silent for a moment.

“Cas?”

Dean felt Cas’ cool finger touch the top of his hand. They hooked themselves around his own fingers. Dean gave them a gentle squeeze.

“Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, Cas.”

 

Cas woke in the morning with that disorienting feeling of not knowing where you are. He blinked, but it was still dark in the room. He peered over at the clock, which read 8:16am. He felt Dean at his back, Dean’s arm wrapped around Cas’ middle, heavy and warm. He must have rolled over in his sleep and moved closer to Dean. He snuggled back and smiled a little, remembering the night before. He could feel Dean’s breath on the back of his neck and it made him shiver. For the first time in a while he actually woke up feeling awake.

Dean stirred. “Cas?” he said, his voice thick with sleep.

“Hm?”

Dean moved, pushing himself up a little. He yawned and turned on the lamp beside the bed. He looked at Cas. “Hey.”

Cas rolled half onto his back and he smiled up at Dean. He stretched slowly and yawned.

Dean smiled and watched him. “You sleep okay?”

Cas nodded. “Yes. No dreams.”

“That’s always nice.” Dean leaned down and kissed Castiel, slow and gentle as he had the night before. Cas made a soft sound and turned over more, his hands reaching to pull Dean down to him.

Dean smiled against his lips and took his wrists. “We should get up.”

Cas huffed out an annoyed sigh and looked up at Dean.

“You gotta get back to your gardening, and Sam’ll have my ass if I don’t get more done today than I did yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you get much done yesterday?” Cas asked curious, sitting up now.

Dean shrugged. “I had a lot on my mind yesterday.  It was hard to concentrate.”

Castiel nodded and watched him.

Dean sat there for a moment, a small, warm smile crinkling up the corners of his eyes. He got up and went over to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of clothes, but instead of pulling them on, he tossed them over to Cas. Cas looked at them and raised an eyebrow. “I have my own clothes, Dean.”

“Yeah. I know. But, uh—“ He blushed. “Your clothes are in your room, and you’re almost naked… So you should wear something til you get to your room to change.”

“Oh. You mean so I no one sees me without clothes on?”

“So no one sees you without clothes on walking out of my room,” Dean said with a small laugh.

Cas nodded slowly and got to his feet. He pulled on the sweatpants and henley dean had tossed to him.

Dean watched him, chewed the inside of his lip. Wasn’t as good as watching Cas take his clothes off, but it was close. Dean’s sweatpants hung low on Cas’ hips and when Cas raised his arms up a bit, a strip of skin around his middle peeked out.

Dean pulled on his own clothes quickly before he got any ideas.

“You hungry? I can make us something quick before we get to work.”

Cas nodded. “Food sounds good.”

 

Sam glanced between Dean and Cas over his computer. Dean was at the stove and Cas was sipping at his second cup of coffee. Kevin sat back in a chair, staring into a book like it had the secrets to the universe written in it.

“Cas, are you wearing Dean’s clothes?”

Cas looked up at him, then over at Dean when he dropped the spatula and cursed. He looked back over at Sam. “Yes.”

“Hm.”

Dean glanced back, glaring at Sam.

Kevin got up from the table, picking up his book. “You people are going to drive me absolutely insane,” he muttered before walking out


	7. Driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas sighed and touched the gas pedal slightly, waited for Dean to tell him to go, before pushing down a little harder than he thought he had. The car lurched forward.
> 
> “Brake, Cas!”
> 
> Cas stomped on the brake pedal, white knuckling the steering wheel and looked for the world like he was going to puke at any moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so much later than my normal daily updates. We had internet problems and I was having a hard time sleeping, This chapter was originally supposed to be "Cosplaying," but since I don't do cosplaying myself and don't know much about it, and my dream of seeing Cas learn how to drive, I decided to write about driving instead. I would have had this done last night, but I was really uninspired today. It's a shorter chapter than the last few, but I like it alright, I think.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading!

“Dean, I’m not getting behind the wheel of your most valued possession.”

Cas stood in the front entrance to the bunker, staring over at the Impala warily.

“Cas, you gotta learn to drive at some point.”

“Not in your car.”

“Dude, I am _giving you permission_ to use my car. I’m gonna be with you the whole time.”

“ _Dean_.”

“Cas, it’s not… It is a big deal, but trust me. I’m not gonna let you crash my baby.”

Cas glared at him. “We’ve been fine so far with me not knowing how to operate a vehicle.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Will you just get in the damn car, Cas?”

Cas huffed and looked away for a moment before walking to the car. He took a deep breath and slipped into the driver’s seat, setting his hands on his thighs and looking around at everything.

Dean dropped into the passenger seat and looked over at him. “Good. Okay. It’s not hard, I promise. We’re just gonna take her down the lane the first time.”

Cas muttered under his breath and set his hands reluctantly on the wheel.

Dean watched him. “Cas, you gotta turn her on first.”

Cas looked over at him with a tilt of his head, then looked around. “With the keys, you mean?”

“Yeah. Just turned ‘em forward until the engine turns over. Don’t hold ‘em for too long though or you’ll flood the engine.”

Cas sighed and turned the key in the ignition. The car rumbled to life and Cas jumped slightly at the feeling.

Dean smiled. “There. Purrin’ like a kitten. Okay. Now, here’s the gear shift. Right now we’re in Park. That’s the ‘P.’ ‘R’ is reverse, the ‘N’ is neutral, ‘D’ is drive. Now, you’re only gonna use your right foot for the pedals on the floor. Just your right foot, not both of your feet. The left pedal is your brake, right is the gas. Put your foot on the brake pedal.”

Cas sighed and did as he was told. “Dean—“

“Just listen and follow, okay, Cas. Now, put the car in drive, but keep your foot on the brake pedal.”

Cas examined the gear shift for a moment before grasping it and pulling the lever into drive.

Dean smiled. “Okay, now, let off the brake slowly. Don’t touch the other pedal yet. We’re just gonna kinda roll forward.”

Cas swallowed hard and let his foot up. The car inched forward slightly and Cas sat up a little straighter, his eyes wide. He felt a little sick. “Dean, I don’t like this.”

“Cas, you’ll be fine. Okay just—put your foot on the gas pedal, don’t push yet until I tell you to. And don’t push hard or we’ll fly forward.”

Cas sighed and touched the gas pedal slightly, waited for Dean to tell him to go, before pushing down a little harder than he thought he had. The car lurched forward.

“Brake, Cas!”

Cas stomped on the brake pedal, white knuckling the steering wheel and looked for the world like he was going to puke at any moment.

“Jesus, Cas, I said not too hard. You just kind gotta nudge it.”

Cas looked over at him and shook his head quickly. “Dean, I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.”

“No. _No_. Dean, I don’t like this.”

“Just try again. Don’t drop your foot down. Just nudge it, keep your heel on the floor.”

Cas frowned deeply and stared at the dash. He swallowed hard and put his foot back on the gas, giving it a tiny little push. The car moved, starting up suddenly, but it didn’t jump forward. Cas kept his foot there, experimenting with the speed until they were moving along slowly.

Dean smiled. “Yeah, there. See? Not bad.”         

Cas was still holding the steering wheel for dear life, but he seemed to relax slightly. “Now what?”

Dean reached over and rested a hand on the back of Cas’ neck, rubbing to try and keep him relaxed. Just head down the lane. You can speed up in you want, just nothin’ over 20.”

Cas took a deep breath and nodded. He made his way down the lane, eyes glued to the road. 

“Make sure to keep your eyes movin’ Cas. You always gotta know what’s around you.”

Cas glanced around, but the wheel drifted with him. When Cas noticed, he jerked them back onto the lane with a yelp.

“Calm down, Cas. It’s okay. You’re doin’ fine.”

Cas came to the end of the lane and he stopped. He looked over at Dean. “Do we turn around now?”

Dean smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. You’re gonna put it in reverse and turn the steering wheel to the right. That’ll turn you around.”

Cas nodded and did as he said, getting the car turned and facing back down the way they came. He started driving back toward the bunker.

Dean smiled happily and looked over at Cas. “See. Easy as pie.”

 

They spent the next hour that way, driving up and down the lane, getting Cas use to being behind the wheel. Dean put on a Led Zeppelin cassette and Cas seemed to relax further after that.

Dean looked over at him when they pulled up to the bunker and Cas put the car in park. Dean smiled. “You look good behind the wheel, Cas,” Dean said after a moment, his voice soft.

Cas looked at him, tilting his head slightly. Dean chuckled and shook his head. He leaned over and pressed his lips to Cas’. He kissed him softly, his hand settling on Cas’ thigh.

Cas made a soft sound and pressed closer, getting sick of all of the space between them. He climbed out of his seat and into Dean’s lap, sliding down his legs and slotting their hips together.

Dean hummed appreciatively and set his hands on Cas’ hips, holding him tight as they kissed.

Cas fingers snaked their way around to the back of Dean’s neck and tangled together behind his head, holding him close. Dean’s hands slid under Cas’ shirt and up over his back.

They kissed for several minutes, lost in the feeling of each other’s heat.

A knock came at the window and they both started, Cas cursing when his head hit the roof of the car. He glared out the window at Kevin, who was standing outside with his arms crossed, making a point _not_ to look at them.

Dean grumbled and rolled down the window. “Yeah, Kevin?”

“Sam was wondering if you guys wanted to eat. He told me to tell you he ordered pizza and it should be here soon.”

Cas ducks his head to look out at Kevin. “You interrupted us for pizza?” he asked, scowling.

Kevin makes a face, his cheeks going red. “Whatever. Just come inside if you guys are hungry. Jesus.” He turned and headed back into the house hurriedly.

Dean chuckled and looked up at Cas. “C’mon, Cas. Let’s head inside. We can practice driving again tomorrow.”

Cas looked at him, setting his hand on his shoulder and leaning in close again. “I wasn’t done.”

Dean grinned and set a hand on his chest. “We can do more of this later. In bed. Where it’s comfortable. I’m starving anyway. So let’s get inside and when we go to bed you can do whatever you want with me.”

Cas raised his eyebrows. “Whatever I want?”

Dean blushed then. “Uh—“

Cas smiled a little. “I like that plan.” He opened the door and slipped out, pulling Dean back into the bunker with him to join Sam and Kevin for dinner.


	8. Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas walked out of the dressing room, fiddling with the hem of the shirt he was now wearing. A grey crew neck tshirt that fit him a lot better than the various loose tshirts he had at home. His jeans fit better, slimmer fit with just the right amount of looseness to them. He looked up at them, giving them a look that asked for opinions.
> 
> Dean shifted and took a deep breath, his arms dropping to his sides, and if his jaw went slack, he didn’t notice—until Charlie laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's on top of things today! Finally got to write Charlie and I hope I did her justice. Enjoy!

“Hiya!” Charlie says happily to Dean as she gets out of her Car. She rushes over and wraps her arms around him in a big hug. Dean, much to Cas’ surprise, forgoes his usual revulsion from affectionate displays and hugs her back tightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile. Cas notes that he’s smiling that way a lot lately. He likes it.

“Hey. How’re things?”

Charlie pulled back and sighed, giving a shrug of her shoulders. “Same old, I guess.” She turned to Cas and grinned. “You must be Castiel.”

Cas nodded.

She smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Well, _read_ a lot about you really, since I have to get my information from sources that don’t suffer from emotional constipation.” She nodded her head toward Dean and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just get moving, alright? I’d rather not spend the whole day shopping.” Dean made his way over to the Impala.

Charlie grinned and turned back to Cas. “Are you okay?” she asked him, a note of concern in her tone. But she wasn’t asking as if she felt bad for him. Cas noted the sincerity in her voice, and it made him flush slightly.

Cas averted his eyes and gave a short nod. “I’ve been better. But yes, I’m okay.”

Charlie nodded and gave him a warm smile. “Dean keeps me up to date on stuff. Explained what happened. Had me help look for you, actually. Just thought I’d ask. I doubt any of these guys have the emotional intelligence to check in with you.”

“Dean’s been keeping me busy, so it’s easy to be distracted from thinking about things.”

Her eyes lit up at that and she laughed. “Oh, I bet he has.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Cas gave her a confused, squinty stare.

“Are you two coming or are you gonna stand there gossiping about me like a couple of old women?”

Cas looked over at Dean and sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. We’re coming. Sheesh.” Charlie answered. She hopped into the back of the car while Cas slid into the passenger seat.

“You know, Charlie, it’s pretty creepy that you read all of those with the knowledge that they might be REAL.”

“It’s not creepy. It was research.”

“Are you talking about the Winchester Gospels?” Cas asked then, looking at them in confusion.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “The—The what?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, Cas. That’s what we’re talking about. Apparently Chuck kept writing despite our threatening him _not_ to.”

Charlie looked at the curiously. “You knew the person who wrote them?”

“Chuck was a prophet of the lord,” Cas said matter-of-factly.

“Wait, so—“

“Chuck was getting divine inspiration from someone upstairs, yeah,” Dean answered for her before she could even get the question out.

“That is—Really freaking weird.”

Dean snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“Why don’t you just tell him again to stop writing the books? Clearly he didn’t.”

Dean frowned and glanced back at her in the rear-view mirror, then over at Cas. “I thought you said he was dead.”

“As far as I am aware, he is. Only one prophet can exist at a time.”

“Who’s the other prophet?” Charlie asked curiously.

“Kevin Tran is a prophet. He protects the tablets,” Cas replied.

Charlie made a face. “ _Kevin_? That kid that’s crashing in your bunker?”

Dean snorted. “Yeah. Prophets don’t seem to be the type you’d expect them to be.”

Charlie stared at him. “How does all of this Heaven stuff always end up being a Winchester problem?”

“Been askin’ myself that for a few years now.”

Cas looked over at Dean, then away, feeling suddenly very guilty. He could only imagine how many of Dean’s problems could be attributed to himself, not just Heaven and the other angels.

Charlie fell silent and watched them from the back seat. It was like she was watching a movie, only it felt a little weird, seeing as she knew the characters personally and she was sitting right on set with them.

She saw the tired hunch of Castiel’s shoulders and she frowned. She knew Cas had been through some serious shit. She knew the things he’d done, but she also knew why he’d done them. She doubted Dean did, considering the two men in front of her would never win any awards in the communication category, and he still cared about Cas. The fact that Dean hasn’t killed him yet is a testament to his undying faith in the fallen angel beside him.

Charlie could definitely count Cas as a friend. She knew his motivations were almost always centered around Dean. She couldn’t blame him for that. She felt for him. And the fact that at the mention of Heaven and the trouble it had caused for Dean made Castiel suddenly slump against the passenger side window made Charlie’s heart wrench with sympathy.

She leaned forward and nudged Cas’ shoulder gently, resting her arms on the back of the seat. A change of subject was clearly in order at this point.

“So, Castiel. Do you have a favorite style? It’d make it easier to help you find stuff to wear if I knew what I was lookin’ for.”

Cas looked back at her, straightening up slightly and he shrugged. “I don’t really know much about human clothing choices, to be honest,” he admitted.

Dean laughed. “Not surprising, since you wore the same thing for four years. You should have seen this one shirt he tried to pick out when we took him to the thrift store. You would have laughed your ass off.”

Castiel scowled at Dean, his eyes narrowing, and Charlie imagined that was probably the look he got when smiting people.

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Dean, I don’t really think you can be considered an expert in fashion, considering you limit yourself to henleys and plaid.”

“So what. I look damn good in those things. Don’t make fun of my style when you still wear novelty t-shirts.”

Charlie snorted and made a face at him before turning back to Castiel. “We’ll have fun with it. You’ll find something. I’ll even keep my phone away from Dean so you can have a proper montage while trying things on.”

Dean groaned. “Seriously?”

Charlie grinned. “Yeah. You don’t get to deny Cas a proper dressing room montage.”

“When did my life become a series of chick flick moments? I seriously don’t get it.”

“Hey, I just got here. Any other chick flick moments are of your own doing.”

“I don’t understand what you two are going on about.”

Charlie almost squealed, but slumped her shoulders.

Dean looked back at her. “What the hell was that?”

“He just—Cas—He almost—said the thing—“ She sighed and shook her head. “Nevermind.”

Dean and Cas just stared at her for a moment before looking back toward the road.

 

They arrived in Kearny, Nebraska two hours later. The disadvantage with Lebanon, Kansas sprouts from the distance it is from everything. No large cities are within a reasonable distance, which is why this shopping trip ended up being just that, a trip.

They arrived at their destination, all climbing out of the car and stretching, having been immobile for too long. Cas had fallen asleep during the drive, and he scratched groggily at his chest, his hair matted to one side of his head where it had been pressed up against the window.

Charlie led them back to the men’s clothing section and began digging through shirts, throwing them in Cas’ direction, who failed to catch the first couple.

Dean saw a couple alarming colors and he cleared his throat. “Charlie. Yellow? Seriously?”

“It’s _mustard_.” Dean made a face. “Shut up. You’ll like what I give him.”

Dean rolled his eyes and watched.

Cas looked at the clothes in his arms curiously, then peered over Charlie’s shoulder to see what she was looking at now. Charlie held up a purple waffle knit tshirt and smiled. She turned and held it up against Cas. “Hm…” She turned back and picked up a blue one instead. “This one is better. Goes with your eyes.” She dropped the shirt into Castiel’s arms.

Charlie walked over to the jeans with them and she looked at Cas. “Do you know what size you are?”

“Uh, no.”

“Hm… guess we’ll figure it out.” She held a few pairs of pants up against him, judging by eye if she thought they would work.

After a few more minutes of digging, Charlie pushed him toward the dressing room. “Go on. And come out when you put something new on, so we can see what it looks like on you.”

Castiel nodded and looked at Dean once before going into the dressing room.

Charlie smiled and looked over at Dean.

Dean glanced at her after she hadn’t looked away for a moment. “What?”

She shrugged. “He wore the same thing for four years. You aren’t excited about seeing him in something new?”

“He’s been with me for a few weeks now. He obviously can’t wear the same thing all the time anymore.”

“Speaking of, how are things with you two? Isn’t this the longest the two of you have been together?”

Dean eyed her suspiciously. “We’re good.”

“Good-good or you-don’t-wanna-talk-about-it-good?”

He frowned at her.

She sighed and shook her head. “Kinda sucks that he’s grounded now. I feel bad for him.”

Dean shrugged.

“But I bet you’re _thrilled_.”

“Charlie, what the hell?”

“I’m just _saying_. He can’t blip off. You got him all to yourself now.”

Dean stayed silent.

“Look, things will work themselves out, I’m sure. Have you talked to him about stuff?”

“Why would I ruin a good thing by bringing up the bad shit?”

“Because you two need to talk. You can’t keep _not_ talking. That’s what your guys’ biggest problem is. That’s why bad things keep happening between you two.”

Dean scowled. “I told him as much as I should have needed to tell him while he was _beating me to death_ , and he still doesn’t get it. I don’t think he will. It isn’t in his hardwire to get it.”

“I think that’s crap because he does all of this stuff for you. He just doesn’t understand why. That’s gotta be hard for someone who isn’t supposed to feel. And besides that, he’s running on a different operating system now. So maybe he _could_ get it, if you _explain it to him_.”

Dean crossed his arms and sighed.

“Fine. Just please tell me if you talk to him, okay? I wanna know. I might even bake you a pie in celebration.”

Dean rolled his eyes at that.

Cas walked out of the dressing room, fiddling with the hem of the shirt he was now wearing. A grey crew neck tshirt that fit him a lot better than the various loose tshirts he had at home. His jeans fit better, slimmer fit with just the right amount of looseness to them. He looked up at them, giving them a look that asked for opinions.

Dean shifted and took a deep breath, his arms dropping to his sides, and if his jaw went slack, he didn’t notice—until Charlie laughed.

She looked from Dean to Cas and nodded. “I think Dean likes that outfit. It looks good, Castiel.”

Cas looked up at Dean and smiled almost shyly. He gave a nod. “I’ll go try on something else.” He turned and went back into the dressing room.

Charlie elbowed Dean in the side, looking up at him. 

Dean glared down at her. “What was that for.”

She just smiled. “You are so gone.”

 

Cas came out when he was finished trying things on with the pile of things he wanted in hand. The mustard colored shirt was one of those things, and even Dean couldn’t deny that it looked good on Cas. They travelled through various departments of the store, picking up other necessities like shoes, boots, a jacket, a belt, and socks and underwear. Cas migrated to the watches, looking them over before Charlie snagged the one he was looking at the most, putting it in the pile of clothes in Dean’s arms. They checked out and headed back to the bunker.

Charlie knocked out pretty quickly in the back seat, apparently exhausted from her duties as a stylist. Cas looked over at Dean briefly before touched his fingers to the top of Dean’s.  Dean didn’t even look as he turned his hand over and slipped his fingers between Cas’. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Cas smiled and leaned his head back, taking a deep breath. His eyes rolled over to Dean again.

“I like Charlie,” he said matter-of-factly.

Dean laughed softly and nodded. “There’s no way to keep her from getting under your skin.”

The corner of Cas’ mouth twitched up and he nodded.

They were silent for a moment before Dean cleared his throat. “How’re you feeling lately, Cas?”

Cas looked over at him for a moment, then sighed. “I’m not… sure. Some of what I’m feeling I have very little experience with. Some of it is good, some of it doesn’t feel that good.”

Dean nodded and watched him. “If there’s anything you wanna talk about, you know… I’ll listen. I’m here for you, okay? Even if you think it’s stupid, you should talk to me. Trust me, there are plenty of things that you’re feeling that you’re gonna think don’t make any sense, but they usually do.”

Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder and nodded. “I won’t keep anything from you, Dean.”

Dean gave Cas’ hand a gentle squeeze and he pressed his lips to the top of his head, not looking from the road.

In the back seat, Charlie smiled, one eye cracked open _._


	9. Hanging out with friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrived at Waconda Lake late in the morning, the hot Midwestern sun blazing overhead. Charlie laid out a blanket while Kevin and Sam got out the coolers full of food and drinks. Cas got out of the car and stretched slowly, raising his arms up over his head. Dean couldn’t help it when his eyes drifted to the small strip of skin that peeked out between Cas’ shirt and jeans. Dean walked over to him, setting his hand gently on the small of Cas’ back, and pressed a light kiss to the back of his neck. Cas shivered slightly at the sudden touch and he looked back at Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is up so late and it's extremely short. I have no excuse other than being extremely uninspired yet again. But here you are!

Everyone crammed into the Impala the next day. All of them meaning Dean, Sam, Cas, Charlie, and Kevin. Sam took shotgun while Cas, Charlie, and Kevin took the back. It was cramped, and Dean thought it would have been Kevin who would have complained the most.

But it was Cas.

“Dean, I think you and Sam should invest in a larger mode of transportation if you plan to have get-togethers like this more often.”

“Cas, would you stop complaining.”

“It’s cramped back here, Dean.”

“It’s just an hour. Deal with it.”

“Don’t worry, Castiel. We’ll play a game to pass the time,” Charlie offered.

Kevin and Dean groaned in unison.

Cas frowned and looked between Kevin and Dean, confused. “A game sounds fun.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah. Don’t let these losers spoil it. Car games are fun. Sam, you in?”

Sam laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, sure.”

Charlie grinned. “Okay, we’ll play GHOST first.”

Charlie explains the rules, and her, Cas, Sam, and Kevin (reluctantly) begin playing. Dean chooses to stay out of it, preferring to concentrate on driving. To Cas’ surprise, the game does pass the time. It’s relatively easy for him, and Charlie accuses him of cheating with his expansive angelic knowledge. Cas doesn’t understand how applying what he knows is cheating, but he refrains from using words in languages no one in the car even knows for the remainder of the game.

 

They arrived at Waconda Lake late in the morning, the hot Midwestern sun blazing overhead. Charlie laid out a blanket while Kevin and Sam got out the coolers full of food and drinks. Cas got out of the car and stretched slowly, raising his arms up over his head. Dean couldn’t help it when his eyes drifted to the small strip of skin that peeked out between Cas’ shirt and jeans. Dean walked over to him, setting his hand gently on the small of Cas’ back, and pressed a light kiss to the back of his neck. Cas shivered slightly at the sudden touch and he looked back at Dean.

Dean looked up at him and smiled warmly, taking a step back. He nodded his head towards the others. “C’mon.”

Cas followed him over and sat on the blanket beside him, keeping close enough that their knees bumped together lightly when they both pulled them in to cross in front of themselves.

Food was passed around between them, they all talked, Charlie and Kevin about various video games and comedians, Charlie and Dean about Star Trek and Lord of the Rings. Sam and Kevin talked possible colleges and majors.

Dean turned the conversation back to Charlie while his brother and Kevin geeked out. “So… Heard from Gilda at all?”

Charlie sighed and shook her head. “No such luck. No thanks to you. I still have not forgiven you for that cockblock, by the way.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “She might turn up some day. You never know.”

“Yeah right. She probably is way too busy in Arkhmoor with some Fairy court stuff or something to even remember me.”

Castiel raised a brow and looked between them. “You know someone from the Fairy realm?”

Charlie looked up at Cas and nodded. “Yeah, well… _did_ know someone. But she had to go back to Arkhmoor and it seriously sucks.”

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment. “There are ways you could summon her—or talk to her from this realm.”

Charlie looked hopeful for a moment before shaking her head.  “I don’t want to bother her.”

Cas shrugged.

Dean looked at Cas, then at Charlie. “We could have you do it in the bunker. Extra-safe and all.”

Charlie looked uncertain. “What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You knew her for all of ten minutes and you were already about up her skirt, Charlie. She probably wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

Charlie huffed and munched on a chip.

 

They tossed a Frisbee around for a while after lunch, Cas finding an extreme amount of annoyance at not being able to properly aim it. It always went over everyone’s head or veered off in some direction that wasn’t even remotely close to the person he was aiming for. Sam wasn’t the greatest at it either, since he was still sick from the trials, but at least he had the advantage of knowing exactly _how_ to play.

Dean took Cas aside and got the fishing gear and they headed to the water while the others continued throwing around the Frisbee. Cas preferred this. Fishing was something he could do now.

He sat beside Dean in the long grass at the edge of the lake, staring out over the water, trying to keep his mind clear of anything but the feeling of the pole in his hand and the sounds around him. Dean watched Cas, warm smile playing on his lips. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple.

Cas smiled a little and glanced over at him. “You’re distracting me, Dean,” he said to him, his voice dropping in volume and pitch.

Dean grinned shrugged. “S’what I’m here for, right?”

 

It was a great day. Peaceful and calm, completely unlike any day Cas had ever experienced in his time with the Winchesters. It was a lull in the storm of their lives and he was thankful for it. Cas hadn’t known it could be like this; he didn’t know it could feel this good to be human. No monsters were after them, they weren’t in the heat of battle, covered in blood. There was no urgency in trying to find the next thing to do. There was only this. Cas and his new, human family. Cas and a calm that he didn’t think would ever settle in his newborn soul.

For once he was happy.


	10. Hurt/Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s eyes drifted to Cas, who was huddled up on his bed, blankets wrapped tightly around him and over his head. He the hair poking out from under the blanket was messy and kind of greasy. Cas looked like he needed about a week’s worth of sleep, his eyes darkened by circles and ringer with red. They were glassy, as though he’d just been crying.  
> Dean noticed the neck of a bottle near Cas’ lips, the rest of it hidden by the blanket around him. Dean’s mind flashed with memories of being flung into the future…  
>  _Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still slightly late, but I broke this up into two little writing sessions. It's my longest chapter so far! Enjoy!  
> Small warning for alcohol as a coping mechanism.

The calm didn’t last long.

Dean wasn’t sure what happened. Yesterday had been great. _Perfect_ , if he was being totally honest with himself. He hadn’t had a good day like that in years, and he wasn’t sure Cas had either. And Cas had seemed so content and happy. Truly happy, which was probably the first time he’d ever seen Cas that way.

They’d gone to bed in their own respective rooms that night, not wanting to push the boundaries too fast of whatever it was between them. Dean was okay with that. Cas had seemed okay with that, too.

But Cas refused to come out of his room that morning. The door was locked, and Dean might have thought he was dead if it weren’t for the occasional bump against the wall or the, “Go away!” shouted every time Dean tried to lure him out with coffee and food.

 

“What the hell did you do now?” Sam accused.

Dean scowled at him. “Why is it always my fault?”

“He’s only ever pissed off at you, Dean. What the hell did you do?”

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t do _anything_. I know what’s wrong with him about as much as you do. He was fine when we went to bed yesterday.”

Sam made a face like he didn’t believe him and he went back to archiving.

Dean went about his day as normal, but it didn’t feel normal without Cas. He just didn’t know what else to do. Night came and Cas still hadn’t shown his face. Dean made soup, trying to keep his hands busy to keep from worrying. He carried a tray to Cas’ room and knocked.

“Cas… c’mon, open up.”

No answer.

Dean frowned. “Cas, please. You’ve been cooped up in there all day, just open the door.”

“Go _away_ , Dean.”

Dean scowled. “Okay, that’s it.” He set the tray aside, then kicked in Cas’ door.

Dean took in the scene as the door swung open. There was shit _everywhere_. All of the junk Cas had collected was strewn across the floor among piled of clothes. Some of them were broken, presumably from Cas throwing them around. There were nicks in the walls and the chair was turned over. All of the drawers of Cas’ dresser had been pulled out and now lay scattered across the room.

Dean’s eyes drifted to Cas, who was huddled up on his bed, blankets wrapped tightly around him and over his head. He the hair poking out from under the blanket was messy and kind of greasy. Cas looked like he needed about a week’s worth of sleep, his eyes darkened by circles and ringer with red. They were glassy, as though he’d just been crying.

Dean noticed the neck of a bottle near Cas’ lips, the rest of it hidden by the blanket around him. Dean’s mind flashed with memories of being flung into the future…

_Shit._

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was shaky now, hesitant.

“I told you to stay out of here.”

Dean walked over to him slowly, like he was approaching a wounded animal. “Cas, man, what the hell?”

Cas scowled. “Get _out_ of here, dammit. Go!”

Dean set his jaw and made it the rest of the way over to Cas’ bed. “Cas—“

Cas winced away from him, moving closer to the corner of his bed. Dean huffed and sat back on his heels. “Talk to me, Cas. C’mon.”

Cas looked away from him, his brows knitting together in the middle.

“ _Cas_.”

Cas hugged the blankets tighter still. “It’s nothing, Dean.”

Dean’s jaw dropped. “Cas, you gotta be kidding me. I told you to talk to me if you needed to. So talk. Cause you need to. Whatever’s happening—this isn’t good. Please, Cas.”

There was an impossibly long moment of silence. Dean’s shoulders slumped with each passing second, his stomach twisting into horrible knots. It was him. It had to be Dean. It was always Dean’s fault. Dean did something wrong. He knew it. That’s why Cas didn’t want to see him. Cas finally realized he didn’t want Dean the same way Dean wanted him—

“It’s all my fault,” came Cas’ quiet words finally.

Dean swallowed hard. “What is, Cas?”

“My siblings. They’re all stuck here—Dean, I failed. I failed and I—“

“Cas, that was Metatron. That wasn’t you. You thought—“

“I was doing the right thing?” Cas snapped.

Dean frowned at him.

“You said it yourself. That’s what I always think I’m doing and look where it’s gotten me every single _fucking time,_ Dean.” He took a deep breath, his eyes suddenly wild with something Dean didn’t recognize on his friend’s face. “I never do the right thing. I’m always wrong. _Always._ I can’t—What’s _wrong_ me?” Cas voiced cracked on the last two words and tears bubbled up in his eyes.

Dean frowned deeply. “Cas—“

“What’s _wrong_ with me, Dean?! I don’t listen. I _never_ listen! I couldn’t listen to my orders! I couldn’t listen to you! I—“ He let out a sob. “I _ruined everything_. Heaven is destroyed. I meant to fix it and I destroyed it.”

Dean moved closer slowly, his chest aching. He took Cas’ hand, but Cas ripped it away, looking at him, eyes somehow brighter against the red around them.

“And you—I chose _you_ and I still didn’t listen. _I didn’t listen to who I chose to follow_.”

Dean shook his head. “Cas, you don’t have to follow me, man. You don’t have to _follow_ anyone. That’s what rebelling meant. Cas, c’mon. Don’t talk like this. You know it’s all bullshit.”

Cas shook his head and put his face in his hands. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me, Dean? _Dean.”_ He let out a sob into his palms, then slid them up to pull at his hair. “She couldn’t even fix me. She tried to fix me. Tried to make me right again—“

“ _Cas._ ”

“—She had me kill you a thousand times so I was working again. But she couldn’t fix me—“

“She did _what_?” He grabbed Cas’ should, turning him to face him suddenly. He gave him a shake. “ _Cas._ Fucking _listen_ to me.”

Cas eyes snapped up to meet his, all wide and blue like Dean had never really seen them.

It scared him.

“Cas, the angels falling—That’s not on you. That. Is not. On you. You hear me? I know you’re drunk, but do you _hear_ me?”

Cas whimpered and closed his eyes tightly.

Dean swallowed hard and found the neck of the bottle. He pried it from Cas’ hands, felt that it was mostly empty, and set it back on the nightstand. He moved closer to him and pulled Cas close. Cas slumped against his chest and hiccupped.

“I tried to fix everything.”

Dean stroked Cas’ hair. “I know, Cas.” He pressed his lips to the top of his head. “I know what you wanted to do. You didn’t know, though.”

Cas drifted off a short while later, Dean holding him tightly as he fell asleep, too.

 

Cas woke in the morning, his head pounding and his stomach turning. He groaned and tried to sit up, but that just caused a wave of nausea to roll over him.

Dean woke to the movement and he frowned, getting up quickly. He helped Ca to his feet. “You are _not_ puking on the floor, Cas. Hold it in.”

Dean got him to the bathroom just in time. Cas slumped over the toilet bowl and wretched what Dean figured was probably the entire contents of his stomach, since Cas hadn’t eaten at all the day before. Dean filled a cup with water and poured out some asprin, kneeling next to Cas as he leaned back against the side of the tub. Cas held his clammy forehead and groaned.

“Am I dying? Is this what dying feels like?”

Dean snorted and shook his head. “You’re hungover. You drank a whole bottle of whiskey yesterday. You’re probably lucky you’re not dead, since you’ve never done that before.”

“I’ve drank more than a bottle of whiskey before, Dean.”

“I mean it was your first time drinking that much, as, you know, more-or-less human.”

Cas fell silent.

Dean held out the water and pills. “Take these, follow it with this. You’re gonna feel like shit today. You didn’t eat or drink any fluids besides the alcohol yesterday as far as I know, which is the wrong way to go about getting drunk, just for future reference.”

Cas took the pills and downed the water in one go. He hiccupped once and Dean was afraid for a moment that that was about to come back up, too. But Cas relaxed and took a deep breath, putting his hand back on his head.

Dean got up and ran a cloth under cool water before helping Cas back to his feet. “C’mon. Let’s get you back in bed.”

Cas followed, slumping down onto the bed when it was close. He curled up and closed his eyes.

Dean watched him, then sat down beside him. “We need to talk.”

“Now?” Cas groaned irritably.

“I’d rather get it out of the way. Do you remember anything from last night?”

“If I say no, do we still need to talk?”

“Yes.”

Cas groaned again.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. You know what. I’ll let you sleep for a while, okay? I need to do a few things anyway. But we’re gonna talk when you wake up. Don’t avoid me. And don’t hold yourself up in here again, got it?”

“Not like I can. You broke my door.”

“Uh—right. Yeah. So, just lay back, put this on your forehead, get some rest, then come out and find me when you wake up, okay?”

Cas just nodded and rolled onto his back. He took the cloth and rubbed it against his skin once before just resting it on his forehead.

Dean sighed and got up slowly. He walked out, closing the splintered door behind him.

 

Dean looked at a clock up on the wall. It read 9:34, which was way later than Dean had planned on letting Cas sleep. He’s about to get up when he hears soft footsteps on the hardwood floor. He looked up to see Cas, completely disheveled looking, a little worse for wear. His hair stuck up all over, but was matted to one side where Dean guessed he must have slept on it.

Cas rubbed at his eyes. “I’m awake now, Dean,” he grumbled.

Dean nodded and got up, closing the book that was in front of him on the table. He walked over and turned Cas around by his hips and nudged him toward Dean’s bedroom.

He closed the door behind them and had him sit on the bed. Cas scooted back against the headboard, leaning his head back against the wall with a yawn.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, Cas.”

Cas opened his eyes into slits and shook his head. “I’m not going to, Dean.”

Dean sat down in front of him, watching him for a moment before speaking. “You still remember everything?”

“From last night, you mean.”

Dean nodded.

Cas sighed heavily. “Mostly.”

Dean nodded again and folded his hands under his chin. “How about you start talking a little more coherently about what was bugging you, then?”

Cas frowned deeply, his hand reaching over to scratch at his arm. “I don’t—It wasn’t really as bad as I was making it out to be. It was the whiskey and—“

“Cas, just talk to me.”

Cas looked over at him quietly.

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Look. Why don’t you… Why don’t you tell me what you were saying about Naomi. I’m assuming you meant Naomi, anyway.”

Cas frowned. “I did.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“She wanted me to kill you.”

“Why?”

“She wanted to be able to kill you without hesitation. I was supposed to be fixed when I could.”

Dean frowned and watched him. “How did she have you kill me?”

“I hunted you down—You would put up a fight but you didn’t have a chance.” Dean watched Cas’ Adam’s Apple bob in his throat as he swallowed thickly. “Most of the time I couldn’t do it. Naomi had to finish it for me. Because I would stop, break down, while you were writhing there. Choking on your own blood or delirious from pain. Sometimes I would stop before I could finish, you didn’t have enough fight left in you. You would beg for death and I still couldn’t do it, Dean. I couldn’t. I couldn’t kill you. I didn’t want to _hurt_ you. I certainly couldn’t kill you.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably, feeling queasy. “Don’t feel too bad, Cas. I’ve died a lot. I’m used to it,” he tried to joke, but it came out heavy.

Cas shook his head. “She kept burrowing into my mind. Controlling me. There were less breakdowns after a while. Killing you started to be easy. I was driving that blade into your chest, twisting your neck ‘til it snapped. Hundreds and hundreds of times until there were thousands of you, lying dead everywhere. I killed you so many times—“

“But you didn’t, Cas. Not when it counted. Not when it meant something.”

“I stopped _short_ of killing you. I nearly beat you to _death_ , Dean. I almost—I almost—“

“ _Cas_.” Dean leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees. “She was controlling you. It doesn’t count when you’re not in control. _She_ tried to kill me. Not you. You wouldn’t. Sometimes maybe you want to, but you wouldn’t.”

Tears were filling Cas’ eyes. “That was supposed to fix me. But I—“

“Cas, you don’t need to be fixed. As far as I’m concerned, you’re one of the only decent angels there was.”

“I was supposed to follow _orders_ , Dean. I wasn’t supposed to disobey. And Naomi—She said I was always like this—Always never _really_ following orders. What is so wrong with me that I just can’t _listen_?”

Dean climbed up over Cas, took his face in his hands. “Cas, don’t. Look at me, will you?”

Cas’ eyes rolled to Dean’s reluctantly.

“You’re not a machine, man. Remember? You told _me_ that. Same applies to you. You might not be human, but you’re not some freaky terminator robot, either.” Dean’s hands fell to his shoulders and he gave them a squeeze.

Cas sighed shakily. “I should have listened to you.”

“Yeah, well… wouldn’t be you if you did.”

“If I had listened—“

“Cas. We’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll figure out how to get your brothers and sisters back into Heaven. We’ll figure out how to get your mojo back. We’ll figure it out, okay? Don’t—Don’t keep blaming yourself, though, okay? You can’t keep doin’ that.”

Cas swallowed hard, still looking uncertain. But he gave a small nod after a moment and he took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Dean nodded and rubbed his arms. “You tired, still?”

“Exhausted.”

“Okay… How about—You go and shower, dude, cause you reek. Then we can sleep.”

Cas sighed and nodded, getting up slowly and padding to the bathroom.

Dean changed out of his clothes into a pair of sweatpants before climbing into bed. Cas came back in a short while later and climbed in beside him. He snuggled up to Dean, burying his face in his chest. Dean pressed his lips to the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, Cas.”


	11. Making Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s smiled grew wider and he kissed down his neck, each place of his lips soft and hot on Cas’ skin. “Dude, wake up,” Dean murmured, sucking a mark onto Cas’ clavicle. Cas shivered beneath him and blinked his eyes open slowly. Dean laughed at the annoyed look Cas gave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! Ended up going to spend time with friends and I lost a lot of sleep and when I finally got home it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, so I slept instead of writing.  
> But here it is! It's not very long, but I thought it'd be nice after the last chapter which was long and angsty. First time writing anything remotely smutty, too, so just go with it, okay?

Dean hadn’t bothered with his alarm the night before. He knew that after talking with Cas, a full night of sleep was probably going to do them a lot of good.

So they slept in.

Dean woke to Cas’ movement. Cas didn’t seem to be awake, but he was close. His breath was hot on Dean’s neck. Dean would probably have woken up to morning wood anyway; wasn’t uncommon with him. But Cas’ tentacle limbs and his lips on Dean’s skin are enough to make Dean a dizzy with arousal. He was tenting in his boxers, and he would have been embarrassed if he didn’t feel the same thing on Cas’ end.

Dean set a wet kiss to the side of Cas’ face, running his hands slowly down his back.

Cas stirred, mumbling groggily. He burrowed his face into Dean’s neck more. Dean grinned and kissed all over his face slowly, pushing him back to roll on top of him. “Cas.”

Cas groaned. “Deeean. Sleeeep.”

Dean’s smiled grew wider and he kissed down his neck, each place of his lips soft and hot on Cas’ skin. “Dude, wake up,” Dean murmured, sucking a mark onto Cas’ clavicle. Cas shivered beneath him and blinked his eyes open slowly. Dean laughed at the annoyed look Cas gave him.

Dean gave a small roll of his hips and it was enough to make Cas hiss. He looked down between them and Dean watched Cas turn red from his ears to his chest. Dean’s stomach flipped and he took a deep breath, starting to scoot off of him, but Cas caught his arm.

“What are you doing?”

It was Dean’s turn to blush. He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I—uh—“

Cas pulled him down and wrapped his hand around the back of his neck. His eyes were wide, Dean noted, no hint of sleep left in them. Dean shivered and watched Cas for a moment before leaning the rest of the way in and pressing his lips to his, setting his hands on Cas’ shoulders for support.

Cas was completely awake now and his heart was hammering in his chest. He pushed up into the kiss, sliding his fingers up into Dean’s short hair.

Dean hummed with content when Cas’ teeth dragged along his bottom lip and tugged gently. He crushed their lips back together, teeth clicking and tongues meeting somewhere in the middle.

Cas made a soft sound and pushed his hips up into Dean’s, trying to recreate the friction Dean had caused just moments ago. Dean groaned and set a hand on Cas’ chest, pulling back just slight.

“Cas—We don’t—“

Dean was suddenly on his back, Cas looming over him with sleep-wild hair and rosy cheeks. Dean’s mouth went dry at the sight and his words fell away. He ran his hands up over Cas’ arms that were on either side of his chest and he took a deep breath.

Cas licked his lips and gave another little roll of his hips, just as Dean had done, and Dean shuddered, his fingers hooking around Cas’ elbow. He tipped his head back when Cas did it again and he couldn’t help the small moan that escaped his throat.

“Jesus— _Cas_ —“

Cas leaned down and kissed Dean’s throat, pressing messy, wet kisses to the skin before sucking lightly at the spot he knew would make dean shut the hell up. He rolled his hips again, finding an easy friction with his cock alongside Dean’s.

Dean gasped and tangled his hands up into Cas’ hair, back arching up slightly. He would have laughed at the situation if it weren’t for how fucking _good_ it felt. Rutting against each other like teenagers was not how he’d pictured this going down. But he wasn’t stopping Cas. He didn’t want him to stop.

Cas felt hot, hotter than he’s felt in months. His skin tingled with the warmth and his face burned with it. He could feel a trickle of sweat sliding its way down the small of his back. He worked his hips faster. Heat pooled in his gut, swirling like a storm. His movements stuttered with the feeling and he gripped fistfuls of the sheets.

“ _Dean—_ “

Dean’s hands found his sides and he looked up at Cas. “S’okay Cas—C’mon.”

Cas leaned down and kissed him, needing to touch more of him, to taste.

Dean met Cas’ short thrusts, feeling close to the edge. He pulled back and nudged his nose to Cas’. “C’mon, Cas… Come for me—“

Cas gasped then, his entire body stiffening and his mouth falling open. His hand scrambled for something to hold until Dean took it, locking their fingers together. A few delicious sounds slipped from between Cas lips then, catching Dean by surprise. He came right with him, gripping Cas’ hand tightly and tipping his head back. “ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed, back nearly coming up off the bed as a shivered rolled up his spine.

Cas slumped against him, chest rising and falling quickly.

The hand on Cas’ hip reached up and fingers threaded through his hair. Cas hummed in content, eyes fluttering closed. Dean smiled, sighing softly as he looked up at the ceiling. “Cas?”

“Hm?” Dean felt Cas’ head move.

Dean looked down and his eyes met Cas’. His lips were turned up slightly at the corners and his eyes were hooded. His hair was a mess. Cas was so blissed out, Dean couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

“You look really good right now.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Flatterer.”

Dean chuckled and moved them so they were on their sides, facing each other. Cas snuggled close, their hands clasped together between them. Cas lifted them slightly and he pressed a kiss to Dean’s knuckles. Dean leaned forward and set his lips to Cas’ cheek.

“Cas, we’re really gonna need to clean up soon,” Dean informed him, voice soft against Cas’ skin.

Cas shook his head and pressed closer, pushing a knee between Dean’s legs and wrapped his free arm around him. “Sleep first,” he muttered.

Dean smiled and rolled his eyes, sliding his arm around Cas. 


	12. Eating Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas opened up a freezer full of some brand whose prices made Dean’s stomach nearly expel out his mouth. “Uh, Cas—“  
> “Dean, you have to pay more for a better product,” Cas said before Dean could even finish his complaint.  
> Dean scowled. “Dude, come on. You can get regular ice cream from anywhere else for a third of this price. And it’s not this—Cas, does that say _honey lavender flavored_? _Honey. Lavender._ ”  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another fairly short chapter, but there's only so much you can write about eating ice cream. I still think it's pretty cute, all things considered.  
> Also, here's where you can buy the ice cream Dean and Cas share at the end of the chapter: http://www.jenis.com/whiskey-pecans-pint/  
> (don't ask me anything about it, i've never tried it. just putting that up there in case anyone is curious)

“Cas, that’s two hours away. We can get ice cream at the gas station in town.”

“That ice cream isn’t natural, Dean.”

“You’ll eat burgers but you’re worried about the organicness of some ice cream?”

“Burgers are an indulgence.”

“That’s what ice cream is!”

Cas set him with a glare.

Dean sighed. “Fine, Cas. We’ll go.”

Cas smiled then and went out to the car with them. They were both freshly showered and in pajamas.

They drove to Kearny, to some weird organic store that Dean couldn’t even pronounce the name of. They just barely made it. Only 15 minutes ‘til they closed.

They walked inside and back to the freezer section. Dean didn’t recognize any of the brands, which set off an alarm in his head to turn back around and go to the nearest Walmart. But Cas looked around with interest. Dean grumbled to himself, annoyed and going on about ‘all-natural whackos.”

Cas opened up a freezer full of some brand whose prices made Dean’s stomach nearly expel out his mouth. “Uh, Cas—“

“Dean, you have to pay more for a better product,” Cas said before Dean could even finish his complaint.

Dean scowled. “Dude, come on. You can get regular ice cream from anywhere else for a third of this price. And it’s not this—Cas, does that say _honey lavender_ flavored? _Honey. Lavender._ ”

“I think it sounds interesting. I’ve never really thought about what lavender might taste like.”

“It would taste like a perfume, Cas. A perfume. Does that other one say _cucumber_?”

Cas nodded, looking back at the ingredients.

“Cas, that’s disgusting. Can’t you just get, like, cookie dough or something?”

“But these sound good.”

“Cas, they sound like women’s perfume.”

“Well, you wanted me to try ice cream and these are what I want to try.”

“ _Good evening shoppers. Just to let you know, the store will be closing in five minutes._ ”

“Cas, seriously.”

“Seriously, Dean. You find a kind you like if you don’t want to try one of these.”

Dean huffed and looked around. He found the cheapest brand he could and settled for chocolate peanut butter swirl. They checked out, Dean almost literally staggering back at the price for just three tubs of ice cream, and then went back out to the car. He threw the bag into the cooler full of ice in the back and he headed back home with him.

 

They sat at the table together after Dean scooped out two bowls for them. Dean watched as Cas took his first bite, watched as the corner of Cas’ lips turned up into a smile.

“This is delicious.”

Dean wrinkled up his nose. “ _Really_?”

Cas nodded. “Would you like to try it?”

“No way, man, I got real ice cream over here that I’ll stick with.” He shoveled a spoonful of chocolate peanut butter goodness into his mouth and smiled at Cas.

Cas shook his head. “You’re ridiculous. I’m sure they are both good.”

Dean swallowed and scooped up more of his own. He held it out to Cas. “Wanna try it?”

Cas eyed him, then opened his mouth.

Dean fed him the ice cream and watched expectantly. “Huh? Good, isn’t it?”

Cas smiled and swallowed, nodded. “Richer than this, but it’s still good.”

Dean grinned and nodded. “Better be good, it was like eight bucks.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head.

They ate the rest of their ice cream in mostly silence, content to sit in each other’s company without talking, only the clinking of spoons against bowls disturbing the quiet of the bunker.

 

The next day, Dean sat at the table, going through ancient papers with a frown creasing his brow. Cas walked in, two bowls in hand. He sat beside dean and set one in front of him. Dean looked up, then back down at the bowl.

“What is this?”

“One of the ice creams we got. Try it.”

Dean wrinkled up his nose. “No way. It’s probably something like _cornbread and chicken_ or something equally nasty.”

Cas wrinkled up his nose. “Not even close. Try it. I promise you’ll like it.”

Dean eyed him suspiciously before digging up a spoonful. He sniffed it, before holding it to his lips for a moment, hesitant. He glanced over at Cas again to see him waiting with a smile, and Dean put the spoonful in his mouth.

It wasn’t bad. Actually, it was pretty good, if he was completely honest. He could taste some kind of nut, probably pecans, butterscotch, and something that was familiar but he couldn’t really remember where he’d tasted it before.

He swallowed. “This is actually pretty good. What is this?”

Cas just smiled a big, knowing smile that made Dean uneasy for a moment.

“Cas? What did you just feed me?”

“ _Whiskey and Pecans_.”


	13. In a Different Clothing Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean watched him for a moment longer before leaning over and taking the front of Cas’ cardigan in his hand. He pulled Cas in toward him and pressed a kiss to his lips, a soft sigh escaping him as if he’d been holding it for a long time.  
> Cas made a small noise and pulled back after a moment. “Dean—“  
> “You look good, Cas.”  
> Cas rolled his eyes. “ _Dean_.”  
>  “No, really. You look _really_ good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this chapter up nice and early (hopefully I can still wake up in time for my dentist appointment).  
> Here are the outfits that Cas and Dean are wearing:  
> Cas - http://tinyurl.com/m83ogt2  
> Dean - http://i.imgur.com/2EFuTBb.jpg

Cas pulled on his clothes, having a slightly harder time with them than he had any of his other outfits. Charlie had insisted that she buy these for him, but he didn’t see why. They were more pieces and it was far more difficult to put on than any of the other things he wore, which were just simple t-shirts and jeans with the occasional button-up. Of course his bottoms were the easy part. They were just pants. They were black, though, not blue like his jeans. Charlie said they were for a nice occasion, but he and Dean didn’t ever go anywhere “nice,” just to the store. His clothing for the upper half of his body was the problem. First there was a light grey-blue button up. It looked like denim, like his jeans, but it wasn’t. The next piece was a grey vest that Cas thought was a little unnecessary. Over that went a baggy, green, knit cardigan with toggles for buttons that Cas would have probably liked had he not had two other shirts on underneath it.

A pounding at his door startled him. “Cas! C’mon, don’t be a girl. We’re just going on a supply run. No need to take five hours to dress.”

He could hear how impatient Dean was getting. Cas looked in his mirror and sighed. He didn’t know what Dean would think, but he thought he looked nice. He knew they weren’t going anywhere that constituted dressing up like this, but they never did. And he wanted to impress Dean.

“ _Cas!_ ”

“Coming, Dean.” Cas pulled on his boots and went to the door. He opened it. “These clothes were harder than I thought they would be to maneuver on.”

Dean stared at him, his mouth open as though he had just been about to say something. He looked Cas up and down, a flush creeping into his skin.

Cas swallowed, wringing his hands. He suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.

“W-We’re just—Going on a supply run, Cas—“

“I know.”

Dean looked up at him. “Where did you get these?”

“Charlie. She picked them out when we went shopping. I don’t think you really were paying attention at that point.”

“You didn’t try them on?”

He nodded. “I did. Charlie told me not to come out in them, though. She told me to wait to wear them.”

“Til…?”

“Until we went somewhere nice. But we never go anywhere nice, so I thought I’d just wear them now.”

“I—Uh—Just- Just go wait in the entry way and I’ll be right back.”

“But I thought you wanted to leave now?”

“We are. Just give me a sec.”

Cas took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.” He waited by the front door in a chair, tapping his fingers on his knee.

Sam walked into the room and he looked at him. He laughed. “What’s the occasion, Cas?”

Cas looked up at him. “Oh. No occasion. Dean and I are just picking up supplies.”

Sam smiled. “That’s it? You look like you’re dressed to go out somewhere. I mean somewhere kind of nice, you know?”

Cas nodded. “That’s what Charlie said this outfit is for, but we don’t ever go anywhere that Charlie had said was deemed “nice,” so I just decided to wear them now.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Has Dean seen you?”

“Yes. He told me to come and wait out here, though. I thought he was waiting on me to leave, but he said to give him a moment.”

Sam laughed and shook his head. “Probably decided not to waste a good opportunity.”

Cas looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

Dean walked in then and Cas looked up at him. Dean was in different clothes now; a grey striped oxford and some cleaner-looking jeans. His shirt was even tucked in, something Cas had never seen Dean do. He heard Sam snort behind him.

Dean glared over at his brother. “Shut the hell up, Sam.”

“Dude, what are you _wearing_?”

“Nice clothes. Don’t worry about it.”

Sam laughed and shook his head, heading up to the library.

Dean looked at Cas. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“Why’d you change your clothes?” Cas asked him curiously, getting to his feet.

Dean shrugged. “You’re wearing something nice. Might as well take advantage of it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow.

Dean sighed. “I’m taking you out to eat, okay? Probably won’t be the nicest place in the world because there’s not much around, but we’ll find something.”

“So we’re going on a date?”

Dean groaned. “Yes, Cas. It’s a date. Who told you about dates?”

“Charlie said that’s one of the things I should wear this outfit for.”

Dean rolled his eyes. ”Of course she did. Okay. Can we go now?”

Cas nodded. “Yes, of course. I’m the one waiting for you, now.”

 

They picked up supplies first and arrived at a little restaurant out in the middle of nowhere a couple hours later. Dean parked and looked over at Cas, not moving from his seat.

Cas looked over at him. “Should we go inside?”

Dean watched him for a moment longer before leaning over and taking the front of Cas’ cardigan in his hand. He pulled Cas in toward him and pressed a kiss to his lips, a soft sigh escaping him as if he’d been holding it for a long time.

Cas made a small noise and pulled back after a moment. “Dean—“

“You look good, Cas.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “ _Dean_.”

“No, really. You look _really_ good.”

Cas huffed, heat rising in his cheeks.

“And I just—When you said we never do anything nice, I kind of felt bad, you know? Like—I don’t know what this is that we have, and maybe it’s beyond dates, but you haven’t even been on a _date_  before. Not really. I mean I guess watching movies together can count as a date, but that’s not like getting dressed up and going out and—“

“Dean.” Dean stopped talking and looked up at Cas. Cas gave him a small smile. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. Thank you.”

Dean smiled then and took a deep breath. “Okay, Casanova, let’s get inside. I can’t even remember the last time I went on an _actual_ date.”

 

It was late when they finally got home. They’d eaten at the restaurant, but stopped at a bar on the way home and had a few drinks. Cas more than Dean, obviously, since Dean was driving. Dean had only had MAYBE two beers, but Cas was buzzed enough that he was giggly and kind of handsy, not drunk and sobbing like he’d been the day he had his big breakdown.

They barely made it to the door before Cas was kissing Dean with all of the finesse of their first kiss, sloppy and inexperienced. He pressed Dean up against the doorframe, untucking Dean’s shirt and fumbling with his belt.

Dean pulled back and laughed. “Cas… Cas, man, hold on. Let’s get inside first.”

He turned and unlocked the door, fumbling a bit when Cas wrapped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his nose behind his ear.

“I want to feel like I did the other night again, Dean,” Cas purred into the shell of Dean’s ear, his hand slid down over the growing bulge in Dean’s pants.

And Dean dropped the keys.

“Dammit, Cas. Stop groping me for a second, will ya?” He bent over to get them and Cas giggled as he set his hands on Dean’s hips and pulled them back against his own.

Dean groaned, equal parts turned on and frustrated. He grabbed up the keys and jammed them into the lock, finally getting it open and stumbling inside with Cas.

Dean took Cas’ hands and pulled him through the bunker towards his room and again, Cas pushed him up against the door when they got there, unable to wait the two seconds it took to get inside.

Dean tipped his head back, letting it thud against the door. His thoughts rushed through his mind and he took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart even as Cas was sucking on that spot on his neck that was _right_ …

“Cas,” he groaned, finding his hands again. “Cas, c’mon. Stop for a sec.”

Cas made a small noise, still trying to kiss Dean even as Dean pushed him back a bit. Dean took Cas’ face in his hands and watched him.

“Hey… snap out of it, man. Settle down.”

Cas blinked up at him and smiled. “Why?”

Dean rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. “Cas, you’re kind of drunk. I mean, I’m sure you know what you’re doin’, but you really don’t.” He reached behind him and opened the door, pulling Cas inside. “So just settle down, okay?”

Cas stared at him. “But I don’t want to settle down, Dean.”

Dean looked at him. “Yeah, yeah. Well, I kinda do. I’m tired. Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”

A frowned pulled at Cas lips and he huffed out a sigh. He shrugged off his Cardigan and started undoing the buttons on his vest and shirt. Dean knew he pissed him off, but he was sure Cas would thank him in the morning.

Dean changed into sweatpants and pulled the blankets back on the bed before laying down. Cas looked over at him and stared at him for a moment before walking over and crawling into bed as well. He curled up, deliberately keeping space between them.

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes. “Get the hell over here, you big baby.”

Cas’ eyes snapped up to meet his. “I’m not a baby, Dean.”

Dean raised his brows. “You’re pouting like a baby, Cas, just come over here so I can hold you.”

“I’m _not_ a _baby._ Don’t call me that anymore. I don’t like it. I am billions of years older than any infant on this planet—“

“Jesus, Cas, I get it, okay? You’re not a baby. I won’t call you that anymore.”

Cas looked at him skeptically.

“I won’t. But you _are_ pouting. And you don’t need to. You’ll thank me in the morning. Now get over here, I wanna hold you.”

Cas eyed him for a moment before scooting closer, curling into Dean and setting his face in his neck.

Dean smiled a little and wrapped his arms around him gently. He ran a hand up through Cas’ hair. He pressed a kiss to his temple and closed his eyes.

Cas relaxed. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean looked at him again, then held him tighter. He was silent for a moment before closing his eyes once more. “Goodnight, Cas.”


	14. Morning Rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas just grumbled and hugged a pillow as Dean headed off to the bathroom, smiling still. He showered and dressed, then went back to the bedroom and pulled on some clothes. He looked over to where Cas lay on the bed. He walked over and set his hands on the edge of the bed, staying still for a moment before pushing down, putting all of his weight onto his arms. The bed dipped and Cas rolled over. Cas’ eyes went wide as he scrambled for something to hold onto so he wouldn’t roll off the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm late again! I procrastinated, no other excuses. This is another small chapter. Was completely uninspired. I'll try harder for the next one, I promise!

Dean woke up the next day and peeked up over Cas’ shoulder at the clock.

9:27am.

Dean sighed and lay his head back on the pillow. He looked at Cas for a moment before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Cas’ forehead. 

“Wake up, man,” he muttered against his skin, threading his hand up into his hair.

Cas just buried further into the cocoon Dean made of them. It made Dean smiled a little, warmth fluttering in his chest. He pressed a wet kiss to the side of Cas’ face.

“Cas, c’mon. It’s a new day.” He rolled over on top of him.

Cas groaned and pushed and Dean’s chest. “ _Dean_.”

Dean smirked and nuzzled into Cas’ neck. “ _Cas_ ,” he mimicked, dropping his voice. “Dude, c’mon. I’ll go put a pot of coffee on for you.”

Cas groaned again and grabbed for him. “No. Sleep.”

Dean laughed and rolled away from him before getting up out of bed. “We slept for, like, eleven hours, man. Just get up.”

Cas just grumbled and hugged a pillow as Dean headed off to the bathroom, smiling still. He showered and dressed, then went back to the bedroom and pulled on some clothes. He looked over to where Cas lay on the bed. He walked over and set his hands on the edge of the bed, staying still for a moment before pushing down, putting all of his weight onto his arms. The bed dipped and Cas rolled over. Cas’ eyes went wide as he scrambled for something to hold onto so he wouldn’t roll off the bed.

Dean laughed, setting a hand on Cas’ chest to steady him. “C’mon, dude. Breakfast in thirty.”

Cas set Dean with a glare that Dean might have been scared of had Cas had the almighty wrath of Heaven behind it. But Dean just gave him a mischievous smile before walking out to the kitchen.

 

Cas lay in bed a while longer, staring at the wall, a slight smile playing on his lips despite the abrupt and rude awakening. He yawned and rolled onto his back for a change of scenery. He scratched at his chest, stretching out languidly on the bed, popping out all of the kinks in his joints. His lids fell closed for a moment longer and he sighed playing over the night before. He was slightly embarrassed, but Dean was right. He was grateful that Dean had stopped him from embarrassing himself further.

Sitting up, he turned and placed his feet on the floor, wiggling his toes. Another yawn escaped him before he finally stood and pulled on his slippers and Dean’s gray robe. He headed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, following the scent of bacon and coffee.

 

Dean looked over to see Cas padding in, looking half-asleep still as he rubbed his eyes and practically fell into a chair. Dean grinned and grabbed up a mug full of hot coffee and sat it in front of him. Cas set him with a half-hearted glare before taking the cup into his hands, pulling it close as if it was his only source of warmth. Dean smiled and went back to cooking. He filled plates with food when he was done and set them out at the table before seating himself next to Cas.

They eat in mostly silence. If Dean has learned one thing about Cas, it’s not to bother him too much in the mornings. Guy needs his coffee like he needs air to breathe. Cas fills his mug two more times before he’s had enough.

Dean smiled a little. “We’re gonna need to give you a coffee IV or something, the way you’re headed.”

“I don’t believe that would work, Dean.”

Dean snorted. “Sarcasm, Cas.”

Cas blinked for a moment. Then nodded, but Dean wasn’t sure he understood.

He got up and put their dishes in the sink before heading back to the bathroom. Cas followed him in, heading for the sink to brush his teeth, but Dean grabbed his arm and stopped him

Cas looked at him, confused. “Dean?”

Dean smiled and watched him for a moment before smiling and shaking his head. “Nothin’, sorry.” He walked over to the sink with him and started brushing his teeth.

Cas scrubbed at his own teeth before spitting. “What are we going to do today?”

Dean looked over. “Ahh… weh cou’ ‘o wah som mowie?” he suggested, mouth full of suds and bristles.

Cas smiled at that. “Can we watch more of the silent ones?”

Dean groaned and spit into the sink. “If you want me to fall asleep, Cas, sure.”

Cas chuckled. “You really liked that last one, though.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I tolerated it,” he lied. He put his tooth brush away. He smiled at Cas before walking past him. Giving Cas’ ass a little smack as he headed out the door.

“I’ll make us some popcorn. Get showered,” he called over his shoulder.


	15. Spooning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean looked at him for a while before turning onto his side to face him. He reached over and slid his hand over Cas cheek slowly before cupping the curved of the back of his head. He pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead and closed his eyes.  
> “You’re family, Cas. Leaving you to fend for yourself isn’t an option that’s on the table anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again! I sincerely apologize for that and I also apologize for these extremely short chapters! Anyway, here's just some cute cuddles and such, I'm hoping tomorrow's update will be a little more exciting (and on time!). Enjoy!

The days moved along slowly. Cases were few and far between. It seemed a calm had settled over the world for the time being, as if preparing itself for something to come. If Abaddon was out there, she didn’t make her presence known. Wherever Crowley apparently wasn’t crying out for help from where they had hidden him. The other angels weren’t causing any trouble, if they wanted to at all. They hadn’t come looking for Cas, which Dean thought they might try. But nada. No sign of anything weird anywhere. Dean continued archiving while Cas worked in his greenhouse. Kevin had gotten his GED and was waiting on acceptance from the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, which wasn’t _too_ far away for dean’s liking. Sam had found a biology lab, left a mess by previous habitants, and was working to get it cleaned up and ready to work in.

 

Dean wakes up one night, groggy and a little confused for a moment until he realizes the weight on top of his is Cas. They’d sat down to work in the theater room, wanting some background noise to fill the dull silence of flipping through books to write information down in another book.

Cas had knocked out first. He’d already been exhausted from working in the greenhouse all day, so after a shower and finally getting off of his feet, he’d slumped against Dean’s side and fell asleep pretty quick.

Dean couldn’t remember falling asleep, which explained the books that looked like they’d  just dropped to the floor.

Dean looked down at Cas and grinned. The guy was _drooling_. Dean had never seen him do that before. He felt bad wanting to get up, but the kink in his neck wasn’t going to get better if they continued to lay on the couch.

“Cas.”

No response from Cas.

Dean shook Cas’ shoulder gently. “Hey man, we’re gonna move.”

Cas grumbled and wrapped his octopus arms around Dean tightly, nuzzling his face into Dean’s chest sleepily.

Dean rolled his eyes. He sat up with difficulty, Cas working every step of the way it seemed to keep him down. Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ ear and blew lightly.

Cas shook his head and groaned, rubbing at his ear. “Stoooop it.”

Dean chuckled and kissed the side of his face. “Let me up. We’re gonna go to my bed.”

Dean finally got free of Cas’ hold and helped him to his feet. Cas slumped against him, still half-asleep. Dean half-carried him up the stairs and down the hallway to the bedroom, letting go of him after he’d opened the door. He nudged him toward the bed.

“Go on, Cas. Bed’s right there.”

Cas climbed into bed, sheets rustling softly as he stretched out his tired body over the memory foam. His mouth stretched open in a yawn and he curled up on his side, facing Dean as he too slipped under the covers. Dean stretched out on his back, staring up at the ceiling. All Cas could see of him was his dark silhouette and the slight shine of his eyes in the dim light of the nightlight in the corner (Cas had insisted on it after he’d tripped over things one too many times in the dark). He reached out and touched Dean’s arm gently.

Dean’s lips turned up at the corners and he turned his head to look at Cas, though he couldn’t really see him in the dark. He was only highlighted very slightly by the faint orange glow of the nightlight. Dean reached across himself, hooking his fingers under Cas’ gently.

Cas smiled, warmth spreading through his chest and belly.

“Dean?” he asked, voice still heavy and rough with sleep.

“Hm?”

Cas was silent for a moment, his brain trying to catch up with whatever he was about to say.

“Cas?”

Cas took a deep breath, steadying his nerves. “Thank you for taking me in,” he finally said, soft and quiet in the darkness.

Dean looked at him for a while before turning onto his side to face him. He reached over and slid his hand over Cas cheek slowly before cupping the curved of the back of his head. He pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead and closed his eyes.

“You’re family, Cas. Leaving you to fend for yourself isn’t an option that’s on the table anymore.”

Cas watched him quietly, with that stare that Dean had once thought was creepy, but now he could hardly get enough of it.

“This is your home, Cas. Least, I think so. I want you to think so, too.”

Cas smiled a little at that and he sighed softly. He turned onto his opposite side and scooted back against Dean, lining their bodies up together to curl himself into Dean’s warmth. Dean’s arms wrapped around him and Cas felt the press of warm lips to the back of his neck. He smiled and closed his eyes, drifting back off slowly to Dean humming softly in his ear.


	16. Doing Something Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Had a nightmare,” Dean muttered into his neck, as if that was enough explanation for groping Cas in the night. His hand drifted to the lower half of his belly, rucking up his shirt and spreading out over the skin he revealed. His fingertips dipped under the band of the boxers Cas wore and Cas sucked in a small breath of air.   
> “ _Dean_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again!! But I'm hoping you'll forgive me after you read this chapter. Enjoy!

Dean can’t remember the last time he’d moved this slow.

His teens and entire adult life had consisted of relationships lasting two weeks at best. You couldn’t even call them relationships. It was second base behind the bleachers every day after school or sex in a strange house after a night at the bar. Nothing serious, like a relationship would imply. Besides Cassie and Lisa. But Cassie didn’t last long, either, and Lisa… Dean couldn’t even think about Lisa anymore.

Dean’s never been shy about making the first move. Hitting on chicks is as easy to him as breathing at this point.

But this is Cas. First of all, he’s a guy. Dean’s no stranger to thinking a guy is hot, but actually going through with anything was a whole other matter. Second, Cas is a freakin’ Angel of the Lord™. Capital ‘A’ and ‘L.’ Well, use to be. What they’re already doing had made Dean a little nervous at first, but he’s use to it now and Dean knows Cas isn’t nearly as angelically pure as someone might think he was. Cas had a fucking filthy mouth and half the time he wasn’t interested in anything slow and sweet. Third, it’s fucking Cas. Best friend Cas. _Family_ Cas. Dean might have actually used the L-word already on him if he was so fucking scared the guy might blip off at any moment, like he use to.

But Dean’s gotta ask, otherwise they’ll be stuck in this thing they have going for eternity, because Cas seems content enough just to rut up against Dean every night like a hormonal teenager.

 

When Dean looks at the clock, it’s 4:58 am. He’ll wake up like that sometimes. He’s still plagued by nightmares, and even though they don’t freak him out like they use to, then still wake him up, sweat beading on his brow and his heart thudding against his ribs. He slowed his breathing, got his heart to calm the fuck down, wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He glanced over at Cas, who’d taken most of the blankets in his sleep, like usual, and had cocooned himself in them. Cas had nightmares more often than Dean, but tonight must be a good night for him. Cas’ breathing is slow and even.

Dean rolled over onto his side and burrowed his way under the covers behind Cas. He ran one hand slowly up Cas back and around up to his chest. He pressed a hot, wet kiss to the back of Cas neck, then behind the shell of his ear.

“Cas,” he whispered, voice breathy and low.

Cas hummed, not at all awake like Dean had hoped. He kissed down his neck slowly, sliding a hand down his side and over his hip, giving a gentle squeeze. “Caaaaassss…”

Cas stirred and let out a little sigh. He turned back slightly, blinking his eyes open slightly to squint up at Dean, confused.

Dean smiled and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the corner of Cas’ mouth. “Wake up, angel,” he whispered.

Cas glanced over at the clock, then up at Dean again. “S’five ‘n th’ mornin’.”

Dean shrugged and moved his lips to Cas’ throat, sucking a mark into his skin. Cas gave a little noise, half confused and half aroused.

“Had a nightmare,” Dean muttered into his neck, as if that was enough explanation for groping Cas in the night. His hand drifted to the lower half of his belly, rucking up his shirt and spreading out over the skin he revealed. His fingertips dipped under the band of the boxers Cas wore and Cas sucked in a small breath of air.

“ _Dean_.”

“Wanna do somethin’,” Dean whispered softly. “S’that okay?”

Cas nodded and reached back, cupping his hand around the curve at the base of Dean’s head to bring him down into a kiss. Dean kissed him softly, hot and slow, his hand moving to the front of Cas’ boxers to palm at his growing erection. Cas made a small noise and dean swallowed it up eagerly, reveling in the delicious sound.

Dean pulled back after a moment, his heart racing and his lips spit-slick. He looked down at Cas’ whose eyes were blown wide, nearly all black in the darkness. Heat pooled in his belly and he pulled Cas down so he was lying flat back on the bed and Dean climbed over him, pulling Cas’ shirt off immediately. He dove in, lips to flushed skin like he needed it to live. He trailed his kissed slowly downward, stopping to suck at his clavicle and swirl his tongue around a nipple. Dean held Cas’ hips flat to keep him from moving as he made his way over his soft stomach and down the little trail of hair below his bellybutton.

Dean spread a hand over Cas cock, still trapped beneath damp fabric. Dean looked up to see Cas tip his head back as he moaned softly. The sound went straight to Dean’s dick and his heart lurched up into his throat.

“Cas, angel, look at me,” he ordered softly, rolling down the elastic band of Cas boxers.

Cas gathered up enough strength to get his neck working again. He lifted his head and looked down at Dean, propping himself up onto his elbows. Dean gave him a little smirk, trying to look a lot more confident than he felt as he slid Cas’ boxers down his thighs, letting that slick, swollen cock fall back against Cas’ belly. Dean bit the inside of his lower lip, pausing for a moment before taking it into his hand, thumb sliding through the precome leaking from the tip. Cas let out a shaky breath, just staring at Dean with fire in his eyes.

Dean licked his lips and gave Cas a few slow strokes, changing the pressure of his grip and the different twists of his wrists each time, gauging Cas reaction. Confirmation came on stroke number four, when Cas’ hips stuttered against Dean’s hold and Cas let out a little yelp.

“Like that, Cas?” Dean asked softly, repeating the stroke.

Cas’ moan and shudder was answer enough.

Dean worked his hand over him a few more pulls before he finally got the courage to lean forward and press the flat of his tongue to the underside of Cas’ cock. Cas gasped, his eyes widening as Dean licked up the thick vein running up the length of him before wrapping his mouth around the head. He swirled his tongue, earning another appreciative sound.

Dean knew what he liked for himself, and that was slow and deep and wet. So he tried to replicate that, sliding his mouth around Cas’ cock to take him as far as he could without gagging and coughing around him. He pulled off with a wet sound and looked up at Cas from under his lashed.

“S’that good, angel?”

Cas either didn’t hear him or was speechless. Either was a good sign to Dean. He smiled at him before taking his cock back into his mouth.

It didn’t take long or Cas to snap out of it. Within seconds he was totally responsive, hands sliding tentatively into Dean’s hair at first before gipping a fistful, in need of some kind of leverage. Cas could hardly believe the feeling, the wet heat of it, those plush lips surrounding him in warmth, making him feel like he never thought he could.

Dean hummed around him, his free hand palming at the front of his own pants. He wasn’t even going to need to be touched tonight. Not by Cas at least. Cas’ hands, the sounds he made—that was enough. They were driving him close to the edge that he could tell Cas was getting close to. Cas’ thighs were shaking and his breathing was ragged. His grip in Dean’s hair was tightening almost to the point of painful, but Dean didn’t mind at all.

Cas tensed, gasping. Dean pulled off, fisting his hand around him, stroking him through his release as Cas fell back and gasped Dean’s name. Dean’s free hand was buried in his boxers, fisting his own cock as he watched Cas come over Dean’s hand and his own stomach. Heat bloomed in his belly before he spilled out over himself, groaning softly and tipping his head back.

Dean lay back down beside Cas, sweaty and exhausted, lips swollen and the corners of his mouth a little sore. He smiled as Cas turned to look at him, eyes glinting in the dim, almost non-existent light of the room. Cas smiled, looking already half-asleep again as he reached out and took the front of Dean’s shirt in his fist and pulled him close. Dean burrowed into Cas’ body, nuzzling his face into Cas, shoulder.

“G’night, Cas,” he muttered against his skin softly, lids drooping closed as sleep came over him again.

The last things he was aware of were upturned lips against the side of his face, a small, sleepy smile, and Cas’ completely fucked out voicing mumbling, “Goodnight, Dean.”


	17. Getting a Tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean turned back to Cas, who was already laying on his stomach, stretching his arm back to point to where he wanted the tattoo. Right between his shoulder blades. Dean’s stomach twisted then, finally understanding the possible significance of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally "Formal Wear" on the actual challenge, but I couldn't fit it in. And I wanted to write Cas getting the anti-possession tattoo. So here you are! Still really late in the day, but I got it done before it was passed due. Enjoy!

Dean’s about had enough of Cas’ shit.

“You can’t go hunting with us if you’re not inked up.”

Cas just crosses his arms. “I’m not getting a tattoo, Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Why? If it has something to do with desecrating your body, I don’t think you have to worry about that after last night—“

“Jesus _Christ_ , guys.” Sam covered his ears and headed toward the front door.

Cas glanced at Sam as he walked away and then looked back at Dean. “It’s _permanent_ , Dean.”

Charlie, who’d stopped by for a visit, made an annoyed sound. “That’s the point.”

Cas shook his head. “I’ll be fine without it. You know how to exercise demons. I shouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“I’m not taking that chance, Cas. And we’re going today.”

Cas huffed and shook his head, looking away.

Charlie gave him a smile and reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it done with you.”

Cas looked at Charlie, eyebrows pulling in confusion.

“I know, I know. I should have one already, too,” she said, looking at Dean who was giving her an annoyed look. “But I like going _with_ people to get tattoos. I don’t wanna go by myself.” She shrugged. “So, you can hold my hand if you need to, Castiel.”

Cas frowned. “Why would I need to hold your hand? I’m not sure Dean would appreciate—“

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes. “She means like holding your hand in support. If it hurts or you’re uncomfortable or whatever.”

“Oh, well I doubt it will hurt.”

Charlie snorted. “Oh you think so, huh?”

“I’ve had my throat split open with an angel blade, I’ve been shot with angel blade bullets, I’ve exploded—“

“Just stop talking, Cas. Let’s get going.” Dean nudged him away from Charlie before he could continue his list of various fatal and near-fatal injuries.

 

The arrived at a tattoo shop a couple hours later, Dean and Sam following behind Charlie and Cas. Cas looked around, giving that weird, squinty stare to all of the pictures along the walls. Charlie went up to the front desk and handed them a piece of paper with the anti-possession tattoo on it, to show them exactly what she and Cas wanted.

Charlie walked over to one of the chairs and smiled. “Think I’ll just get mine where you guys have yours. Seems like the best place.”

Sam smiled and nodded. “Yeah. It's supposed to be most effective there. Kevin and his mom got them on their arms."

Charlie shook her head. “I want this at least mostly coverable. People’ll think I’m a Satanist or something otherwise.”

Dean snorted and shook his head. He looked over at Cas, who was standing beside the chair looking a little unsure.

“Cas, there’s no getting out of this.”

Cas just shook his head and looked up as two tattoo artists walked over. “The back is too high on this chair,” he said to them.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, don’t worry about it. Just sit down.”

“No, they won’t be able to get to my back if I sit here.”

Dean frowned. “Your back?”

Cas nodded. Dean heard Sam snort over by Charlie.

One of the tattoo artists walked over. “I can recline the chair so you can lay down. Where at do you want it on your back?”

Cas sighed and pulled off his shirt.

Dean blinked. “Wait, Cas—“

“Dean, you want me to get this tattoo so bad, fine. But I’m deciding where it goes.”

Dean looked over at Charlie and Sam for help. Sam just shook his head and raised his hands up in front of him.

Charlie frowned at Dean. “He’s a grown ass man, Dean. Let him get it on his back if that’s where he wants it. He’s the one that has to live with it for the rest of his life.”

Dean turned back to Cas, who was already laying on his stomach, stretching his arm back to point to where he wanted the tattoo. Right between his shoulder blades. Dean’s stomach twisted then, finally understanding the possible significance of that.

Charlie looked over at Cas and smiled. “Sure you don’t want to hold my hand?” she asked him, mostly joking now.

Cas looked over and shook his head. “I’m sure I can handle this, Charlie, but thank you.”

Charlie shrugged, smiling. “Okay. Suit yourself. Just yell if you need something to squeeze.”

Dean watched as the tattoo artists prepared the guns with ink, crossing his arms. He wasn’t so sure about Cas pain tolerance. There’s been a few paper cuts and stubbed toes that Cas had cursed at. Cas was always overwhelmed with sensation when they had sex, too. There’d been a few times when Dean wondered if Cas would make it for even five minutes.

Charlie’s artist had started, Charlie relaxing with her head leaned back against the headrest, trying to breathe slowly through slight twinges of pain.

Cas rolled his shoulders and relaxed, closing his eyes. Dean watched as the tattoo artist placed the gun to his skin and Cas’ eyes shot open. His knuckles turned white, gripping the chair.

“ _Fuck!_ ”

Sam barked out a laugh and Charlie took a deep breath to keep herself from completely losing it. Dean smiled.

“C’mon, Cas. Thought this was nothin’ compared to all that other stuff you talked about?” Dean teased.

Cas’ expression was a mixture of pained and pissed. “Shut the hell up, _Dean_ ,” he bit out, gritting his teeth. Dean laughed this time and shook his head.

Charlie reached over and looked at Cas. “C’mon, Cas. Hand.”

Cas grumbled and winced at another stab of pain before reaching over and took Charlie’s hand tightly. He closed his eyes again, trying desperately to think of something besides the pain and everyone else’s teasing.

 

Cas stood when it was over, rolling his shoulders. He looked back in a mirror and sighed. Dean watched and smiled.

“Looks good, Cas.”

Cas looked at the tattoo for a moment longer before looking over at Dean. He let the tattoo artist put a bit of Vaseline and a bandage over the tattoo before pulling on his shirt. He sighed and walked over to Dean. “You did not warn me for that at all.”

Dean shrugged. “Thought you’d be able to handle it. You _have_ been shot in the stomach with an angel blade bullet before, which I would think was probably one of your worst injuries, seeing as I actually had to _stitch_ it up for you.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Well, that was… absolutely awful.”

Dean laughed and shook his head. “You’re a big ol’ wimp, Cas,” he teased.

Cas scowled at him and rolled his eyes.

Charlie walked over and smiled. “So, all safe against demon possession, right?” She gave Dean two thumbs up hopefully.

 “As long as a demon doesn’t rip the skin right off your bone, then ya. You’re good.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “Okay. Good to know.”

 

They went home that night, and after dinner and a rewatch of the first Star Trek reboot that Charlie insisted that they watch, they all headed off to their respective room. Cas walked along to Dean’s room with him, as he did most nights now. He undressed and pulled on a t-shirt, Dean watching him quietly as he changed into sweatpants.

“I think you picked a good place for that, Cas.”

Cas looked up at him, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand. He shrugged.

Dean walked over and pulled back the sheets, climbing into bed slowly and pulling them back up when Cas had settled in beside him. Dean took one of Cas’ hands, slipping his fingers between his slowly.

“Could always add onto it, you know?”

Cas blinked up at him. “Why would I wanna go through that again?”

Dean laughed and shrugged. “I heard you get use to it after a couple times. A bunch of tattoos can look pretty badass sometimes,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I should subject myself to more pain for your viewing pleasure, is that it?”

Dean grinned and leaned forward, giving him a kiss. “Nah, Cas. Was just sayin’.”

Cas sighed and scooted closer, pushing one of his knees between Dean’s to tangle their legs together. “What else would I get tattooed on me?”

Dean wrapped his arms around him, running his fingers up and down Cas’ spine slowly through his t-shirt. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Whatever you’d want, really.”

“Hmm.” Cas sighed and nuzzled his face into Dean’s neck. “Perhaps.”


	18. Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas was reminded of Heaven, then. The various Heavens made of music halls and symphonies, dancehalls filled with heat and writhing bodies as they jumped and swayed and spun to the rhythm and beat. Glittering dresses and well-tailored suits. Seedy bars filled with smoke and dark eyes. Touches and wet kisses—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LATE! Sorry. I'm so off track. Well, by a few hours. I'll try to get tomorrow's up sooner! Anyway, here's some dancing. Enjoy!  
> The music Cas was listening to... I don't know. I don't know much about jazz so i was just speaking generally. The Led Zeppelin songs that I listened to for Dean were "I Can't Quit You Baby" and "You Shook Me."

Cas ventured into the library one afternoon, having nothing to do. The greenhouse didn’t need tending for the day, there was nothing to help archive, no inkling of a hunt. He’d started rewatching movies, but that didn’t sound appealing today.

So there he was in the library, eyes searching for something, anything really, to do. He took in the room, short brown shelves lining all the way to the far back wall. Small polished tables with little lights on them lined the path down the middle between the bookcases. Books laid out on display tables atop the shelves and everything was covered in a warm yellow light.

Cas walked through the shelves, taking out books and flipping through them, books on astrology, cartography, geometry, demonology, theology… None of it was anything he didn’t already know, though. In fact, there was a lot in these books that wasn’t even correct. He set the book on Sumerian deities back in its proper place and glanced around again with a heavy sigh.

His gaze fell on an old record player in the corner of the room that sat on a table next to an old fake plant. He went to it immediately, his curious hands lifting the lid to reveal the turntable inside.

Under the table was a small shelf full of records, and Cas grabbed the first one he saw and set it into place. He flipped it on and set the needle onto the record carefully.

Music filled the room, echoing pleasantly off the brick walls. Cas took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hands still hovering over the record as if to feel the melody with his fingers. He listened, the swell of brass nearly overwhelming him as the music came into itself, tempo picking up suddenly.

Cas was reminded of Heaven, then. The various Heavens made of music halls and symphonies, dancehalls filled with heat and writhing bodies as they jumped and swayed and spun to the rhythm and beat. Glittering dresses and well-tailored suits. Seedy bars filled with smoke and dark eyes. Touches and wet kisses—

“You would be a jazz guy.”

Cas started, blinking back the daydream. He felt hot, a flush blooming over his cheeks and neck. He looked over to see Dean leaning against the archway that led out to the main room with the map table, holding the neck of a beer between his fingers. He must have been standing there for a while because the look on his face suggested he’d seen some of what Cas had been feeling.

Dean chuckled. “Sorry. What were you thinkin’ about?”

Cas shook his head. “This music was popular once.”

Dean nodded slowly and pushed off the frame. He walked over slowly, setting his beer on one of the tables with a small _clunk._ “It was.” He paused for a moment. “Were you here then?”

Cas shook his head again and looked back down at the turntable, moving the needle off the record. The sudden silence seemed to burrow right into Cas. He felt suddenly empty without it.

“Who even knows when the last time I was down here really was,” he said quietly, moving the needle back and forth absently.

Dean’s hand was on his hip then, warm and gentle and grounding Cas suddenly. “S’okay. You’re here now.” His lips were at the hollow beneath Cas’ ear, his nose nuzzling into the shell affectionately. Cas closed his eyes and sighed softly, his hand falling to rest over Dean’s.

“I know this music from Heaven.”

“Spend a lot of time in Prohibition Era bars, do you?” Dean muttered teasingly. His breath was hot on Cas’ neck and it made Cas shiver slightly.

“Not really. They were in some Heavens when I travelled through them.”

Dean smiled against his skin and sighed. “Wait here and I’ll bring something back in we can listen to. S’time you learned about good music.”

Cas sighed. “I get you musical education whenever we drive somewhere,” he said, irritated when Dean’s heat was no longer at his back.

Dean chuckled. “There’s a difference between driving music and dance music, Cas.”

Cas tilted his head to the side, his brows knitting together.

Dean just winked at him and walked off.

Cas sighed and knelt back down to look through the records. Not like he knew any of the artists.

Dean walked back in a few minutes later, twirling a record slowly between his fingers.

Cas stood and watched him. “What’s that?”

Dean smiled, warm and crinkling up the corners of his eyes. “Led Zeppelin’s first album. First album I ever bought for myself,” Dean answered. He switched the record in for the one that was already on the turntable and he placed the needle. The room filled with music once more, one long note of the lead singer’s voice before starting into a slow, bluesy rhythm.

Dean was right, Cas thought then. This was a lot different than driving music. He watched Dean’s hips sway slightly before he turned to Cas, smiling, his eyes a little darker than they had been. Dean took Cas by his hips and pulled him in. Cas nearly gasped at the sudden closeness. Dean’s hands were hot, Cas could feel, even through his t-shirt. He swallowed and looked up at Dean, his eyes wide.

“I don’t—I’ve never really—“

Dean just smirked and took Cas’ hands and pulled them up onto his shoulders. “I don’t really, either. S’just swayin’ really.” Dean’s voice was low and rough and it went straight to Cas’ dick. He wasn’t going to last through this whole song.

Dean started to move slowly, moving Cas with him, their bodies pressed together in a hot line. Cas’ hands ran into the back of Dean’s hair, sliding over his scalp as they just stared at one another, letting the music lead them back and forth and around until that’s all there was. Dean and Cas and “I Can’t Quit You Baby” echoing around them.

Dean leaned in, nuzzling his nose into the corner of Cas’ jaw, lips pressing hot and wet just where Cas liked it most. It pulled an obscene sound from Cas’ throat that was definitely pornographic and Dean gave a little nudge with his hips. His hands travelled around to the small of Cas’ back, sliding up his shirt to feel his skin.

Cas grabbed a fistful of Dean’s hair and pulled his head back so he could see Dean’s face again. Dean licked his lips, pupils blown wide with arousal. Cas leaned in and crushed their lips together, forgetting about dancing, forgetting about pretty much everything right then.

Dean was being pushed back and he hit the edge of a table. He spread his legs, letting Cas fit between them easily. He groaned when Cas pushed up against him, hips together, getting friction from the denim and cotton. He licked into Cas’ mouth, tasting and his hands were everywhere, and Cas’ hands were everywhere. Fingers brushing nipples, flipping open buttons, pressing bruises into flesh. Cas was consumed in Dean’s heat, breathless and dizzy and full of _need._

“ _Woah!_ ”

Dean was the one that broke away from the kiss, Cas not even registering the interruption. Cas just stared at Dean, eyes wide and completely wrecked. Dean smiled at him, though he was sure he looked equally fucked, before turning to see Charlie and Kevin standing in the doorway. Kevin had his hands over his eyes—fuckin’ child—and Charlie just had a huge, but shocked, grin on her face.

“Can we help you?” Dean asked, trying to force annoyance into his tone though he barely had it in him. Wasn’t the first time he’d been caught, after all.

Charlie sighed. “ _Sorry_. But we’ve come to request dinner.”

Dean _did_ make a face at that. “What the hell. This isn’t a five-star restaurant.”

“We _know_ that. But you’re the only one that can cook cheeseburgers to perfection and that’s what we all want.”

Dean glared at her and then huffed out an annoyed sigh. He looked up at Cas and patted his hip. “Sorry, Cas. Music lesson’s over, I guess.”

Kevin peeked out from between his fingers, then let his hands drop when he decided it was safe. “You know people use those tables for stuff, right?”

Dean shot him a smirk. “Well, just don’t use this one and you won’t have to worry about it.”

Kevin groaned before turning to leave.

Dean pushed up off the table when Cas finally moved. Dean smoothed out his hair and buckled his jeans back up before working on the buttons of his shirt. He leaned forward and kissed Cas’ cheek. “Rain check, kay, angel?”

Cas grumbled unintelligibly and dean chuckled softly, squeezing his shoulder before heading off to the kitchen. Cas walked over to the record player and shut it off before heading over toward Charlie, wincing at the grin on her face. She just laughed and patted his shoulder. “Bet that’s the best song you’ve heard in your entire life, now. C’mon. You can show me that greenhouse of yours that Dean gushes about.”

Cas smiled a little at that, warmth flooding his chest.

Charlie was right, though. As far as he was concerned, Led Zeppelin was the best band in existence.


	19. Cooking/Baking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He watched Dean work, flipping burgers with practiced ease, the muscles in his arms rippling. Cas watched him move, losing his thoughts to every twitch and sway. He listened to Dean hum quietly, a melody Cas recognized from long drives. Cas could recall Dean mentioning the name of the band. Metallica, perhaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a short little chapter that's actually on time! Enjoy!

Cas walked into the kitchen quietly, watching Dean work on balling up hamburger into round patties to cook. Cas chewed on the inside of his lip, leaning back against the counter.

Dean must have noticed, because he looked back after a moment and smiled. “Hey. Thought you didn’t like the kitchen?”

Cas shrugged and looked down at the floor. “You’re in here… So I supposed it’s alright.”

Dean chuckled and went back to setting out patties. “Wanna help?”

Cas frowned and looked up at him. “With cooking?”

“I can give you something easy to do. Not everything involves the stove or the oven.”

Cas looked around. “Like what?”

Dean rinsed off his hands and walked over to the fridge. He pulled out a head of lettuce, a tomato, then grabbed an onion from a bag on the counter. “You can cut the tomato and onion, then pull apart the lettuce,” he suggested. “Pretty simple. Promise.” He gave him a smile. “And that’ll get dinner done faster.”

Cas nodded slowly and walked over to the counter. Dean set out a cutting board and a knife for him. “Just, you know, watch your fingers. And the onion can kinda make your eyes water so don’t freak out.”

Cas got to work, chopping up the onion first. He worked slowly, slicing tentatively, taking care to keep his fingers far from the blade.

He moved onto the tomato, which was significantly easier to cut. He finished that, then the lettuce, and he put everything into small bowls and set them out on the counter, stalling to push them into a uniform line together so he wouldn’t just be standing around doing nothing.

Dean was well into cooking the burgers and toasting the buns. Cas’ mouth watered at the scent. He leaned back against the counter, having been straightening out the bowls for an unnecessary amount of time.

He watched Dean work, flipping burgers with practiced ease, the muscles in his arms rippling. Cas watched him move, losing his thoughts to every twitch and sway. He listened to Dean hum quietly, a melody Cas recognized from long drives. Cas could recall Dean mentioning the name of the band. Metallica, perhaps.

Dean finally looked over at Cas and smile warmed his features. “Hey, Cas, looks good. Told you there’d be something you could do in here.”

Cas came back to himself and took a deep breath. “That doesn’t count as cooking, I don’t think.”

Dean chuckled. “No, but you didn’t cut off a finger or anything, so that’s good.”

Cas frowned. “I know how to handle a blade, Dean.”

Dean looked up at him and shrugged. “Yeah, but stabbing someone is a little different than cutting up fruit and vegetables.”

Cas sighed and looked down.

“Speaking of, ee should go down to the firing range one of these days. Get you use to guns.”

Cas looked up at him. “I’ve used a gun before.”

“What, like, once?” Dean looked over at him. “Just wanna make sure you’ve got it all under control. We could bring Charlie down with us. She’s got killer aim… Still gotta ask her about that—“

“Couldn’t I still use some kind of blade?”

Dean sighed. “It’s not really practical. The only blade we use regularly… we use it because it’s the only thing that can kill a demon. You’ll need to use a gun if it’s a salt n’ burn.”

Cas picked at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. “I suppose.”

Dean watched him, then looked back down at the pan, flipping the burgers one last time before scooping them out onto a plate. “We’ll figure it out. Just don’t need you dying on your first hunt, is all.”

Cas nodded slowly. “That would be—Ironic.”

Dean looked over at him again, his expression serious. “S’not a joke Cas.”

Cas looked up, startled by the sudden change of tone. “I know. I only meant—“

“Yeah, whatever. Help me carry this shit into the other room,” he said, grabbing up the plates of burgers and buns.

Cas sighed and picked up the bowls of burger toppings, carrying them out and setting them at the table.

Dean went back for the cheese and various condiments before joining the others and sitting down beside Cas.

Cas watched everyone as the ate and chatted about things that Cas was only vaguely knew of. He couldn’t keep up with conversations about movies or TV shows that Charlie mentioned. Sam and Kevin talked about school plans, which was another subject that went completely over his head. So he ate mostly in silence unless he was addressed directly for an opinion about some thing or another.

Dean argued with Charlie over a movie series that Cas had only heard mention of once or twice. He sat back and watched them, listening but only slightly interested.

It took him a moment to register that Dean’s hand had moved from the table to Cas’ thigh, and when he looked down, it was laying palm up, fingers opened up in invitation.

Cas looked back up from his hand , to the table. His hand moved into Dean’s their fingers locking together easily. The warmth that spread through him then was comforting, and he settled back into his chair.

When Dean glanced over at Cas, mid conversation, Cas was smiling to himself.


	20. On a Hunt (In Battle)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas? Hey, man, get up…”  
> Cas blinked his eyes open, a sharp pain searing through his skull. He groaned and reached a hand to the back of his head. It felt wet and warm. _Blood_ , he thought. But why was he bleeding? And why was he on the ground?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP I'M ON TIME AGAIN! Like, REALLY on time. Exiting, I know.   
> So I'm not horror/suspense/action writer, so don't judge me for this. Hopefully it's pretty good. I like how it turned out. Anyway, here ya go!

It’s weeks before a hunt finally catches their eye, and it practically lands in their lap.

People are dying in Lebanon left and right and there are reports of seeing the deceased people in two places at once before their deaths.

“Fucking shifters,” Dean growls as he and Cas load up the Impala. He looked over at Cas when they climbed into the car and just stared at him for a moment.

“Are you sure you want to come? Sam’s probably good enough that we can get this one if you’re not ready—“

Cas put up a hand, shaking his head. “Dean. I’ll be fine. I want to do this. You couldn’t train me anymore than you already have.”

“Well, actually—“

Cas looked over at him with a stern look.

Dean just gave him a mischievous little grin before pulling away from the bunker.

 

The next couple of days went by without event. They checked every crime scene, talked with relatives, friends, and police. There were hardly any leads.

But Dean knew better.

“We’re checking the sewers today.”

Cas wrinkled up his nose. “Isn’t that—“

“Yep. But they hide down there sometimes, and we’ve checked everywhere else. I’m almost positive that’s where we’ll find it.”

They made their way underground, guns and silver bullets in tow. Cas almost choked on the stench. Rot and filth filled his nose and the dampness made him feel instantly dirty. He could hear water rushing through pipes, something leaking off in the distance, its drops echoing around them. A chill went through him, though it was 90 degrees above ground. The place was vile and Cas felt ill, both with disgust and the feeling that something was not quite right.

“Dean—“

“Shh, Cas. Deal with it. And no talking.”

Cas frowned deeply and followed behind him slowly, looking around, only seeing what he could in the dim light of the flashlight Dean held.

Dean stopped short and Cas about ran into the back of him. Dean nudged him, then pointed. In the light, Cas could see a pile of flesh and clothes. He looked at Dean, who was smiling that stupid “I told ya so” smile that Cas just rolled his eyes at. He nudged dean forward then, wanting to move on. The sooner they found the shifter, the sooner they could be out of the sewers.

 

“Cas? Hey, man, get up…”

Cas blinked his eyes open, a sharp pain searing through his skull. He groaned and reached a hand to the back of his head. It felt wet and warm. _Blood_ , he thought. But why was he bleeding? And why was he on the ground?

“C’mon, Cas. Fucking shifter jumped us and made a break for it. We gotta get outta here.”

Cas felt Dean’s hands on him, sliding under his shoulders to help him to his feet. Cas swayed and slumped against the wall. “Dean—I don’t think—“

“I got ya, man. Just lean on me. Let’s go.”

Cas stumbled along with him, the sick feeling coming back in full force. He groaned and wrapped an arm around his stomach before leaning away and heaving onto the ground.

“Oh, come on, Cas. Really? We need to get out of here!”

“Stop _yelling_ ,” Cas hissed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He sighed shakily, got up off his knees shakily. Dean took him under his arm again, clearly annoyed. Cas didn’t understand why, if the shifter was gone.

They walked for what felt like forever to Cas. Nothing around them was familiar, and least not in the dark. He wondered how Dean could see now without the flashlight. Cas didn’t think they had gone all too far. And after several minutes, Cas looked up at him.

“Dean, do you know the way out of here?”

“Yeah, Cas. O’course. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. I got you.”

Cas huffed at the comment and squinted around, trying to see in the darkness. The smell that filled his nostrils was getting worse and he could feel his gag reflexes working again.

“Dean, I don’t think we went this far—“

“Will you just shut the fuck up, Cas? Christ.”

Cas frowned deeply at him. “I’m sorry, I’m just fairly certain we’re lost. How can you even see?”

“I can see just fine, man. You should eat more carrots or something.”

“But you needed a light to see before. Dean, we should turn around. This isn’t—“

“God, you are _fucking_ annoying, you know that?”

Cas blinked and stared at Dean, eyes wide. “Excuse me?”

Dean just chuckled. It was a dark sound that sent a chill down Cas’ spine. He didn’t even registered Dean’s movement until he felt the cold touch of gunmetal on his neck.

“Dean?”

“Just keep walkin’, sweetheart.”

Another spike of ice shot through Cas and he took a deep breath. “You’re not Dean.”

Dean, or the shifter Cas now knew, was silent.

Cas reacted much faster than he thought he could. He elbowed the shifter in the ribs, hard enough to knock the wind right out of him. She shifter doubled over with a groan and Cas grabbed him by the forearm. He had the knife from the holster on his belt in his hand in and instant as he twisted the shifter’s arm back. His joints popped and the shifter yelled out in pain, but it trailed off into laughter.

“Love it when you’re rough with me, Cas,” he purred and Cas felt sick to his stomach again. “Do it, Cas. Do it! C’mon!”

Cas just stared down at him, eyes wide and knife in the air. He’d frozen.

“Gonna kill me, Cas? Like all those times before? Huh? Do it. Do it right this time.”

“Cas!”

Light washed over them and caught the shifter’s eyes, paling them into an inhuman glow. Despite his eyes, though, the sight was enough to pull the air from Cas’ lungs. The knife fell from his hand and he dropped the shifter, stumbling backward.

She shifter was quick, grabbing up the knife and lashing out at Cas. It caught him in his side. Not a fatal blow, but enough to knock him back against the wall, blood blossoming through his shirt.

There was a shot then, loud and piercing, making Cas’ ears ring as it bounced off the cement walls. The shifter fell face first onto the ground, blood pooling around its skull. It’s face, Dean’s face, was turned toward Cas, and he just stared at the lifeless form, going cold and feeling ill.

“Cas! Fuck—how bad did he get you?” Dean said. The real Dean. He dropped to his knees beside Cas and pulled up his shirt to check the wound. “S’not too deep but we should get outta here… Cas?”

Cas couldn’t move. He could barely breathe or feel anything. His heart and his head pounded against his ribs and skull and all he could see was Dean lying there, cold and lifeless and _dead_.

“Cas!” Dean shook his shoulder. “C’mon, man. Stay with me!”

Cas blinked slowly and looked up at the real Dean, his face completely drained of color. His eyes were wide and full of something that Dean could recognize all too well.

Dean took his face in his hands. “Angel, c’mon. C’mon, I’m right here. Stay with me. You’re okay.”

Cas’s lower lip trembled and he reached a hand up to grip the sleeve of Dean’s jacket.

Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas’ forehead and slid his hands through his hair. He stopped when he felt something sticky and he pulled his hand away to look at it.

“ _Shit_ ,” he hissed. “Cracked your head open, too. C’mon, Cas. We gotta get out of here. Can you walk? I can’t carry you up that ladder…”

Dean stood and helped Cas to his feet. He leaned against Dean, shaking horribly in the aftermath of what had just happened.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said softly, holding Cas up and keeping him close. “I got you.”


	21. Bathing Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas sat patiently as water trickled through his hair and down his back. Dean fingers parted his hair and prodded carefully around the broken skin on the back of his head.  
> “I think you’ll be okay. Don’t think you cracked your skull.” Cas felt Dean’s lips on the back of his neck for a brief moment before Dean pulled back, leaning back against the tub. He pulled Cas back against his chest and Cas was grateful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up on time! This one is longer than the last few.   
> Hopefully I had Dean deal with the situation appropriately. Hopefully _I_ dealt with it appropriately. If something doesn't sound right, send me a comment letting me know. I've only dealt with the situation a couple of times, and it's only ever been on my own. So that's my little kind of... warning? I guess, for the chapter.   
>  Thanks for reading!

Dean had burned rubber, tires squealing on the asphalt when he started toward home. He’d blown through stoplights and signs and disregarded speed limits. He’d thanked whatever the hell was making sure there were no cops out tonight.

Sam had the door open for them as soon as Dean had Cas out of the car when they were finally at the bunker. He half carried him in, Cas dead weight against Dean’s shoulder. He stumbled inside with him and Charlie was under Cas’ other arm in a second. She grunted, sounding surprised at how heavy Cas actually was.

“God, what the hell happened?” Charlie glanced over at Dean, her eyes wide and confused.

“Fucking shifter got him, that’s what happened. Help me get him to the bathroom.”

“I’ll get you the kit,” Sam called from behind them.

Dean and Charlie carried Cas to the bathroom quickly. They set him on the toilet seat and Cas nearly slumped over when they both let him go, but Charlie caught him up and held him upright while Dean turned and started the water in the tub.

Sam came in with a curious Kevin in tow.

“What’s wrong with him?” Kevin asked, worry pulling the corners of his mouth down. He stared at Cas, who looked like he wasn’t even with them.

Sam set the kit on the counter. “I think he’s in shock.”  
Dean pushed off Cas’ jacket, then his shirt. “He just—froze. I think— I think he had some kind of attack. He’s _having_ some kind of attack.”

Charlie nodded in agreement, looking suddenly very serious. “Yeah… Okay, there’re too many people in here. Come on. Overcrowding the tiny bathroom doesn’t help this kind of thing.” She got to her feet and started nudging Kevin and Sam toward the door. She looked back at Dean. “You got this?”

Dean looked at her and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I think so.”

Charlie nodded and pushed the other boys out the door before closing it behind her, leaving Dean alone to tend to Cas.

Dean turned back to Cas, whose face was turning a little red.

“Cas?”

Cas didn’t speak. Dean frowned and was about to say something else when he noticed Cas wasn’t breathing at all.

‘Cas, man. Take a breath.” He spoke gently, taking Cas’ hand tightly. “Take a deep breath, dude, or you’re gonna pass out. Come on. It’s okay…”

Cas blinked and finally gasped, eyes darting around frantically.

“Hey, hey… It’s okay. It’s okay. Just take deep breaths, kay?”

Cas took another couple breaths, the color leaving his face now, which Dean might have been cool with if it weren’t for Cas’ sickly pallor. He squeezed Cas’ hands, trying to keep Cas with him.

“There you go. Just breathe a little.” He reached a hand up and set it over Cas chest. Cas’ heart was beating double-time beneath his ribs. “Let’s get that heart rate back down. Deep breaths,” he reminded.

Cas watched Dean, his breathing slowly steadily as his body calmed down. He closed his eyes and sighed, setting his free hand over the one Dean had placed on his chest.

“There ya go. Feeling a little better?”

Cas nodded slowly and swallowed hard.

“Okay. Okay, we gotta get your clothes off now, okay? Is that okay? You’re still bleeding…”

Cas’ eyes opened and fell on Dean again. He just stared at him for a moment before giving a small nod.

Dean squeezed his hand once gently before letting it go and working on getting his shirt pulled up over his head. He grabbed a cloth from off the counter of the sink and got it damp under the faucet. He shut the water to the tub off and went back to Cas. He knelt in front of him again and rubbed his knees gently.

“Still with me, Cas?”

Cas nodded slowly, taking a deep breath to fill his lungs again.

Dean gave him a reassuring smile and worked on cleaning up the blood around the wound in Cas’ side carefully. He pressed the clothe to it when he was done and took Cas’ hand. “Hold onto this, put a little pressure on it, kay?”

Cas took the cloths and held it against his side. Dean grabbed the kit, rattling around through it for a second. He took out a needle and threaded it carefully. He looked up at Cas and touched his hand lightly.

“Kay, not gonna lie to you. This is gonna hurt like hell. If you gotta hold onto something, use my shoulder or the edge of the counter okay? But we gotta get this closed up cause it’s pretty deep.”

Cas swallowed hard and nodded slowly. He set his hand on Dean’s shoulder, closing his eyes and bracing himself for the inevitable sting of pain.

The first slide of the needle nearly made him scream. His grip tightened on Dean’s shoulder, fingers digging into skin through Dean’s shirt. He shuddered, feeling nauseous.

Dean frowned, a twinge of guilt in his gut. “I know, man. Just a few more times and then it’s over.”

Cas could hardly sit still enough for Dean to continue. He nearly retched every single time the needle made contact with his skin, and breaking and going through his skin was something else entirely. He moaned in pain as the thread pulled through his flesh and the stitches tightened, sealing him back together. The one other time they’d done this, he’d been an angel. The pain was hardly there, dulled by his Grace and mostly hidden beneath the burning left behind from the angel blade bullet.

Dean pulled the final stitch and tied it off. He wetted a cotton round with alcohol and dabbed it carefully over the stitches. Cas hissed out a “ _fuck_ ” and doubled over, shuddering. A sob escaped his throat finally  and he fisted his hand tightly into Dean’s shirt.

Dean threw the cotton round and the washcloth out. He kissed Cas’ forehead, a gentle press of his lips to try and comfort Cas. “All done. No more pain like that, I promise.”

Cas sighed shakily and looked up at him, his eyes wide and bloodshot, full of tears that threated to spill.

Dean took his face in his hands carefully. “it’s okay now. Just get undressed and I can check your head in the tub. The water’ll feel nice.”

Cas swallowed past the lump in his throat and he stood. His stitches tugged a little and he winced. He worked on getting his pants off, moving slow and careful, in too much pain to do much else.

He dropped his pants and his boxers before padding over to the tub. He slid into the water and closed his eyes, leaning back against the cool porcelain.

Cas didn’t know how long he sat there with his eyes closed, but Dean still wasn’t in the tub with him, or anywhere near him that he could tell. He opened his eyes and looked around. His eyes fell on Dean who was working on stitching up a pretty large slice across his abdomen. Cas finally noticed all of the bruises and Dean’s black eye, bruises blooming all the way down over his nose. He was bleeding and bruised around his wrists and there was blood staining the side of one of his thighs through a cut in his jeans.

Cas’ eyes widened and he sat up straighter. “ _Dean_?”

“Just a second, Cas.”

“You’re really hurt.”

Dean looked over at him finally after tying off his own stitches. “I’m okay, Cas. You just relax, okay?”

Cas frowned deeply and watched him.

“Really, Cas. I’ve had a lot worse. Trust me.”

“You should have let me do that.”

Dean shook his head. “No, you worry about you, okay? You were in worse shape than me. Just lay back again. I’ll be over in a sec.”

Cas sighed and laid back in the water again, but he didn’t look away from Dean, worry deepening the lines in his face.

Dean checked a few of his other cuts to make sure they were too deep. He looked at his nose and then wiped up any excess blood that was drying on his skin. He dropped his pants and briefs finally before walking over to the tub.

“Sit up and you can lean back against me when I’m in,” Dean said softly.

Cas did as he said, sitting up slowly. Dean fit himself behind him and Cas slotted himself easily between the bow of Dean’s legs. Dean rest his hands on his shoulders for a moment before reaching up into his hair.

“Gonna wash this blood out and check how bad it is before you can lay back again. Hold on.”

Cas sat patiently as water trickled through his hair and down his back. Dean fingers parted his hair and prodded carefully around the broken skin on the back of his head.

“I think you’ll be okay. Don’t think you cracked your skull.” Cas felt Dean’s lips on the back of his neck for a brief moment before Dean pulled back, leaning back against the tub. He pulled Cas back against his chest and Cas was grateful for it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Dean rubbed his shoulders and pressed his lips to Cas’ skin lightly.

Cas chewed the inside of his lip for a moment before finally speaking. “It reminded me of when we were in Lucifer’s crypt. And when I killed you a thousand times in Heaven.”

Dean was silent, but listening.

“It sounded like you… I couldn’t kill you again—“

“S’okay, Cas.”

“I thought I was ready—“

“You are. That was just a bad hunt. Sam ‘n I ’ll just take the shifters from now on. I wouldn’t’a taken you out there if I didn’t think you were ready.”

Cas sighed shakily. “I don’t know what happened. I just—“

“S’called a panic attack, Cas. Sucks, but it happens.”

Cas frowned deeply. “Does that happen often?”

Dean shook his head. “A lot of people get them, but a lot of people don’t. And it just depends. If you’re around stuff that can cause a panic attack, then it could happen. When bad stuff happens, it could haunt you forever. Sometimes bad stuff doesn’t even have to happen to you. It just—It’s something people go through sometimes.”

“Do you get them?”

Dean was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Sometimes. I use to get them a lot. After Hell.”

Cas’ frown pulled more at the corners of his lips. He thought about it for a moment, how he’d first seen Dean, standing in front of some poor, damned soul, tearing the flesh from their body. Dean looked cold and inhuman, a twisted version of himself, but he’d also been tortured, too. And he looked so incredibly sad. His soul had burned bright like a beacon to Castiel, despite the darkness threatening to consume him. The only thing on Cas’ mind then was to raise the Righteous Man from Hell. Save him and put him to work. He hadn’t ever thought about how much Dean could have been hurting then.

“When we had you torture Alastair—“

Dean nodded. “Uh—Yeah. I almost did. Right before I started. But—I’ve gotten good at kind of—hiding it. I guess. I don’t need to worry other people or slow things down with my shit.”

Dean’s arms wrapped around Cas slowly, holding him close. Cas sighed and rested his hands over Dean’s. Guilt churned in his belly, mixing with the thousand other things he would never be able to forgive himself for.

“I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t’a known, Cas. It’s okay.”

Cas’ stomach twisted and he sighed shakily. He squeezed Dean’s hands tightly. “I’ll be better for the next hunt, Dean. I promise.”

Dean shook his head. “Hey, don’t worry about it. We’ll let Sam take a couple if we have to. Give you some time to breathe a little. No need to jump into it again right away.”

Cas leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. Dean turned his face toward his and kissed Cas’ temple softly, closing his eyes.

“We’ll work on it, kay? Sam’s gotta get over whatever the hell he’s sick with. You gotta get over a lot of crap that’s happened in the past few years. We’ve all gotta get over shit. We’ll take it one day at a time. We’ve all gotta get better somehow. We’ll get through it together. Okay?”

Cas sighed and looked over at him. Dean gave him a gentle, reassuring smile. Cas would have smiled back, but he still felt awful.

Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ neck again and held him closer. “Just rest now, okay? Let me take care of you for tonight.”

Cas closed his eyes and settled back into Dean more, suddenly exhausted. He wanted to believe Dean, but he wasn’t sure how he could ever get better.


	22. Arguing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I’m the fucking stupid one—I just keep fucking praying to you!” his voice comes out disbelieving, as if his own behavior confuses him. “Begging you to come back. Begging for your help just so you’ll show up because otherwise you won’t. Because why the hell would you want to come back to me? The fucking insignificant piece of fucking garbage that I am!”  
> Cas shook his head quickly. “Dean, no—“  
> “And I just—Man, I feel like shit. All the time now. Because all I can think is how fucking great it is that you can’t fucking just blip off whenever the fuck you want,” he says bitterly.   
> Cas’ mouth snapped shut and he stared at Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is now technically two days late. It's been a really weird couple of days and I've just been completely exhausted. This chapter was also really hard to write and I was kind of putting it off. It's all angst, so I'm sorry I made you guys wait that long for a pretty sad chapter. But here you are. I'll try to have the next TWO up today as well, if I can manage it.

Dean isn’t sure how they get here, to this point, where Dean is slamming doors, throwing his possessions around his normally spotless room. Where Cas is left behind in the wake of Dean’s wrath, at a loss for words and eyes full of tears. He’s not sure how they came to yelling at each other through gritted teeth and trembling lips, Dean shaking with adrenaline, on the verge of violence. He’s not sure why suddenly Cas felt the need to bring up all of the _shit_ they’d been doing so well to avoid, everything that had bubbling under the surface of their carefully crafted mask of a calm and careful relationship.

He’s not sure how any of it happened, but here they are.

 

Cas is laid up for a few days because of the stitches. And Dean could understand the quite that had settled over Cas for the day after. A day he could get. It was Cas’ first hunt and it had been a rough one. It had done a number on him, but Dean was sure Cas was going to pull through the aftermath just fine. But Cas just kept being quiet and Dean let him be, figuring it would come to pass with time, just like most things usually did.

A tension had been slowly building. Tension like a thick coil pulled taught, almost a straight line, ready to snap and hurt anyone or anything within its immediate vicinity. Dean ignored it, like most everything else. Sam and Kevin both seemed to notice, but the skirted around it, cowering and hiding like they were preparing for the inevitable blast. And the tension was flowing outwardly from Cas. But he just kept being quiet.

Day three after the hunt, something shifted. Cas came out of the cave of his room, looking shifty and nervous, on edge like he would blow at any moment. It threw Dean off, and he didn’t know how to handle it any more than he did the silence. So he _doesn’t_ handle it any differently. He goes about his business as usual.

They’re sitting together in the library that evening looking through papers and books, when Cas finally speaks.

“I am sorry, Dean.”

Dean is momentarily confused. He made a face and looked up at Cas. “For what?”

Cas sighed and chewed the inside of his lower lip, his hands fidgeting in front of him.

“Cas?”

“I have hurt you—Time and time again. And I—“

Dean’s brain starts working again and he frowns deeply, shaking his head.

“No no no, wait, Cas—“

“Dean, let me talk, _please_.”

Dean blinked and stared at him.

“I’ve hurt you and I haven’t listened. I’ve mistreated you… I’ve nearly killed you. I let out the Leviathan, I caused my siblings to fall—“

“Cas will you fuckin’ _stop it_. I don’t wanna talk about any of this!”

“No. Dean, I can’t ever have your forgiveness if—“

“Cas! Just shut the hell up! Don’t talk about it. Don’t bring it up!”

“But _Dean_ —“

Dean’s fist came down on the table and he stood, chair squealing as his flew backward. It toppled over with a loud clatter, echoing off the walls of the room, making Cas’s mouth snap shut.

“I don’t wanna hear what you’re fuckin’ sorry for, Cas. I’ve heard you say I’m sorry enough fucking times.”

Cas stared up at him, eye wide.

“I don’t want to hear you tell me how much you screwed up. Because I know you screwed up. We all know you screwed up. You screwed up big time, Cas. Several times.”

Cas’s eyes fell to the table then. His hands were shaking.

“And I’m _sick_ of cleaning up after you, Cas. Fucking sick of it. And you know why I have to?”

Cas doesn’t look at him. The venom in Dean’s voice is like a weight on the back of Cas’ head.

“Because you never. _Fucking_. Listen. You don’t ever listen to me. Never. Not once. You just do whatever you damn well please.”

“Dean—“

“Just because you _can_ do whatever the hell you want, Cas, doesn’t mean you can do _whatever_ you want. You hurt people!  You may think you’re doing the right thing, but it should feel _wrong_ when you’re doing shady crap. Like making deals with the King of Hell. Taking in all of Purgatory. Breaking the fuck outta Sam. Following after Metatron when you don’t even know _anything_ about the guy—“

“Dean, I couldn’t trust Naomi—“

“Cas, can’t you ever fucking tell when someone is trying to be fucking _honest with you_?! Where the hell is your sense of right and wrong?!”

“I thought I was—“

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Cas! You knew what you were doing was wrong! Like taking off with the fucking tablet! You think you can’t trust me? After everything we’ve been through? After everything I fucking do for _you_? Clean up your messes, trust you over and over again. Pray for you to come back. To watch over Sam even when I know something really fucked up is going on—“

“I couldn’t risk the other angels coming after you!”

“Let me decide if that’s worth it or not, Cas! We live in this fucking bunker and it’s warded against _everything_! We coulda kept it here. We coulda worked this out _together_. But you chose, yet again, to leave. Go off on your own. Just like you always do!”

Cas stared at him, his eyes brimming with tears now. “What?”

“You leave when you don’t need us, _me,_ anymore. You just fly off to whatever is next. You leave when things get too fucking hard. You leave and don’t show up for weeks or months at a time. Hell I don’t know what could be wrong with you. You could be hurt. Or _dead_. _Again_. You could be fucking brainwashed by another Angel. I figure after everything that’s fucking happened, we have to be important to you somehow for you to keep sticking around. But who the hell am I?! You wouldn’t even _be here_ if you didn’t _have_ to be!”

“Dean—I don’t—“

Dean rolled his eyes. 

“I fucking _told you_ in that crypt that you’re family.”

Cas stared at him, tears staining his cheeks and leaving wet spots on his shirt.

“I _told you_. _I told you_ that I _NEED_ you. Do you not understand what that fucking means?” Dean’s voice cracks on the last work and he runs a hand down his face.

“Dean—“

“God fucking _dammit_ , Cas!”

Books go flying off the table in the direction Dean’s flung them. Castiel jumps at the sudden movement, his eyes wide in shock. He stared up at Dean, feeling sick.

“You didn’t trust me. You didn’t wanna stay. Every single time I ask you, you leave! I fight _tooth and nail_ to get you out of Purgatory and you let go of me just before we make it out!”

Cas winces on every syllable.

“And I’m the fucking stupid one—I just keep fucking praying to you!” his voice comes out disbelieving, as if his own behavior confuses him. “Begging you to come back. Begging for your help just so you’ll show up because otherwise you won’t. Because why the hell would you want to come back to me? The fucking insignificant piece of fucking garbage that I am!”

Cas shook his head quickly. “Dean, no—“

“And I just—Man, I feel like _shit_. All the time now. Because all I can think is how fucking _great_ it is that you can’t fucking just _blip off_ whenever the fuck you want,” he says bitterly. 

Cas’ mouth snapped shut and he stared at Dean.

“Part of me is so happy you’re grounded, man. Because how the hell else am I ever gonna get to keep you here? It’s fucking disgusting of me to feel like that! But I want you here and now you can’t leave!”

Tears are spilling down Cas’ face now. They’re just pouring and flowing without end and Cas doesn’t know what to say or do. He just sits there and takes the verbal beating. And he shouldn’t. He’s done awful things, and he deserves his punishment. But this is almost more than Cas can handle. And Cas barely understands half of what Dean is talking about.

“It fucking kills me that after all this time, I’m the one that can still trust you, but you can’t trust _me_? You could have fucking destroyed the world. You almost did. You might have with this fallen angel stuff. All because you didn’t fucking trust me. You couldn’t fucking just _listen to me_!”

“Dean!”

The sudden shout startled Dean. He looked at Cas, eyes wide.

“I do trust you, Dean! I do. I’m sorry for all of those things that I did before. I truly am. And—And I think I’ve learned now. I think I might understand—“

“No, Cas. You don’t fucking _understand_. You clearly _don’t_ understand, or we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess to begin with!”  
Cas shook his head. “Please listen to me, Dean!”

“No! Cause you know what, even if you had been fucking right about fixing Heaven, shutting the pearly gates or what the fuck ever you were gonna do, you were gonna _leave_! I was never gonna see you again! Either you were gonna get yourself killed or you were gonna shut yourself up in there to fix it and I know that was never gonna get done in _my_ fuckin’ lifetime!”

“Dean—“

“The last thing you were ever gonna do to me was leave, Cas! I shoulda been happy! Big ol’ weight like that off my fuckin’ shoulders. But no. You were gonna leave me behind forever and—god dammit, Cas! I shouldn’t fucking have to deal with that! So I don’t want to fucking here your _sorry’s_ or your excuses or your reasons behind anything! I don’t want to fucking talk about this at all! We can just keep doing what we’re doing until we can get you back upstairs. Because that’s where you belong. That’s where you wanna be! Not _here_. Not here with the people who actually give a shit about you.”

Dean’s words cut through Cas like a knife. He could hardly breathe, it was like the wind had been knocked out of him.

Dean turned and walked out, back to his room. He was shaking, tears stinging his eyes, making it hard to see. He’s not really sure what happens then. He just looses it. He throws a lamp at the wall, a clock at the floor. His possessions are flung carelessly about and he just _cries._ He really cries for the first time in years. Probably decades.

He falls to his knees and pulls at his hair, trying to stop the sobs that escape his lips. But he can’t. They just keep coming. He can’t stop crying because he hurts.

Everything hurts. 


	23. Making Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He needed to put Dean’s mind at ease.  
> “I understood what you meant about ET going home, that night in the bar, you know? I knew what you meant.”  
> Dean snorted. “That’s a first.”  
> Cas shook his head. “But you were wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my longest chapter! Sorry it's late. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, and it hasn't been beta'd, so it might be kind of weird. but I wrote a LOT for this one (well, a lot to me, since most of my chapters fall around 2,000 words, not 4,000). I'll warn you that most of this is just Cas talking. It's all dialogue. But I figured, Dean deserved a blow-up, now Cas deserves to explain himself.  
> So here it is. Enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: I forgot! I also want to thank everyone for the amazing response on my last chapter! I did not expect that AT ALL. i was practically in tears over some of what you guys were say. So much love, I could hardly handle it. So thank you guys so, SO much.

Dean could easily pretend that nothing out of the ordinary had happened the day before. He was good at that. Proud of it, even. He was going to keep going about things like he usually did, because that’s the easiest way to forget about crap that doesn’t need to be brought up ever again.

The day goes on and Dean starts to feel weird. No one has said a single word to him. Not so much as a hello from anyone. He hasn’t even _seen_ Cas, which starts to set off alarm bells in the back of his mind.

 _What the hell is going on?_ He thinks.

He finds Sam up in the biology lab.

“Uh—Hello?”

Sam doesn’t look up from whatever he’s looking at through the microscope he has set in front of him. “What, Dean?”

Dean frowned at the tone of his voice. “What the hell is everyone’s problem today?”

Sam just seems to stop for a moment before looking up and over where his brother stands near the doorway. He gave Dean a glare.

“Sam, if this is about Cas, you need to mind your own damn business,” Dean snapped.

“Of course it’s about Cas. God, Dean, you’re such an asshole sometimes.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “He had it comin’.”

“Maybe he did but you didn’t have to be a fucking jerk about it! You went and hid as soon as you attacked him so you didn’t get to see what the hell you did to him.”

“ _What I did to him?_ Are you serious right now, Sam? After all of the shit—“

“Yeah, whatever, Dean. Look, all of Kansas probably heard you, okay? I heard every word you said to him. And yeah, some of it was valid, but telling him you’re glad he’s stuck here? You put salt in an open and infected wound with that one.”

Dean scowled, looking away. “Yeah, well—“

Sam shook his head. “I get that you’re angry with him, Dean. But come on. He wanted to talk to you, and you threw it back in his face.”

“If he’d listened to us in the first place, we wouldn’t even _need_ —“

“He’s an _Angel_ , Dean. He found free will and ran with it. He didn’t _have_ to do anything we said. Yeah, he’s our friend, but like he said, he thought he was doing the right thing at the time. Like _I_ thought I was doing the right thing when _I_ screwed up.”

Dean glared at him then. “He’s not you, Sam. You’re my brother.”

“No, but he’s your best friend. And I’m pretty sure your soul mate—“

Dean wrinkled up his nose. “Yeah, okay, I’m gonna go now.”

“I mean it, Dean. I know he means as mush to you as I do. You love him. And don’t tell me you don’t. Because if that’s not what you mean when you tell someone you need them, then, shit, I really don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Dean looked away from him, falling silent. He crossed his arms. “Where is he?”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know. He’s been getting bottles of whiskey from the kitchen, though. So you might want to check on him.”

Dean shook his head. “God dammit.”

Dean headed out of the lab and walked around, looking everywhere for Cas. He checked Cas’ bedroom first, then his own. He checked the bathroom, the roof, the library, everywhere, before heading back to the greenhouse.

Cas was curled up under a shelf in the corner where long leaves hung down over the edge to hide him. There was an empty bottle at his feet and one in his hands, the mouth of it resting against his lips. He was staring off into space, looking tired and ragged.

2014 came rushing back to Dean all over again and he shook his head. He walked over and crawled under the shelf beside him. He grabbed the bottle from Cas’ grip before Cas could protest and he set it far away from him. “Think ya had enough, Cas.”

Cas just stared past Dean, probably at the bottle, his eyes glassy, bloodshot, and rimmed with red.

Dean sighed and scooted close to him. “Hey, you even in there anymore?” he asked, giving Cas a nudge.

Cas just gave a little grunt in response and he slumped against Dean’s side. He closed his eyes, which caused a few stray tears to slip down his cheeks.

“I—I ‘member goin’ to Hell—Pullin’ you out… If I—If I knew then whad-I know now—“

“Yeah, yeah, Cas. You’da turned tail and run right back outta there. I know…”

“No—Dean—“ Cas sighed, his mind hardly able to keep up with him, and exhaustion overtook him.

Dean shook his head, frowning, and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. He rubbed Cas’ arm gently and pressed his lips into his hair as Cas fell unconscious.

 

Cas blinked his eyes open, feeling extremely ill. He groaned and hugged his pillow, curling in on himself to try and combat the nausea. His head was practically bouncing off of his skull. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep, but he felt as though he’d already been asleep for years.

“Here.”

Dean’s voice came from over him. The bed shifted a bit, then moved back. Cas opened his eyes again and looked behind him. Dean was sitting up on the bed, holding a glass of water and some aspirin, looking much calmer than the last time Cas had seen him. He was pointedly not looking directly at Cas, which made his stomach do a little flip, and he thought he might throw up, but he held it down.

Cas pushed himself up slowly, struggling on his rubbery limbs. He took the water and pills offered to him and swallowed them down. He sighed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, staring down at a tear in Dean’s shirt so he didn’t have to look up at him.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“What did I tell you about eating and drinking other fluids if you were gonna drink like that, huh?”

Cas sighed and nodded. “I know.”

Dean sighed and looked up at him, not meeting his eyes. “You gotta stop drinking like that, man.”

Cas frowned. “You drink a lot,” he pointed out.

“I don’t binge, man. Not anymore. Purgatory was good at makin’ me quit that shit cold turkey.”

Cas scowled. “It’s helpful.”

“Yeah, well, try to cut it back a bit. It reminds me of—“

“Of what Zachariah showed you.” Cas looked up at him then.

Dean gave a short nod and sighed. “Yeah, man. I feel like we’re already half way there.  And I don’t—“ He chewed his lower lip and ran a hand over his face. “I told you after that that I didn’t want you to change. At least not into that.”

Dean finally looked up at him, his expression a mixture of exhaustion and sadness.

Cas frowned deeply. “I don’t think you have to worry about that kind of future, Dean. We averted that outcome.”

Dean sighed and nodded slowly. “Hope so.”

Cas reached out hesitantly and set his hand over Dean’s gently. Dean’s eyes dropped to their hands and a tiny smile pulled at the corner of his lips.

“I’m sorry I brought up things that made you uncomfortable yesterday, Dean,” Cas finally said after a few moments of silence.

“No, Cas. I don’t—I guess it’s stuff we _should_ talk about. God knows, I don’t wanna even think about half of that crap, but—it’s gonna keep being weird if we don’t.”

Cas watched him, eyes wide and curious. “What changed your mind?”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t know—I was gonna keep ignoring it. But then, in the greenhouse—I don’t know. Man, I fucked up. Not that I think you didn’t deserve me yellin’ at you, cause you did. Honestly I owe you a beating after the crap you put me through.”

Cas’ gaze fell, shame darkening his features.

“But, I said some things that I shoulda kept to myself, I guess. You didn’t need to hear what a selfish piece of shit I am.”

Cas raised his head slightly, his eyes only making it up as far as Dean’s mouth. “You are not at all selfish, Dean.”

Dean huffed out a bitter little laugh at that, shaking his head. “Yeah, Cas. I kind of am.”

Cas was silent for a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Since the night in the bar, he’s never managed to ask Dean about what happened there. Because something _had_ happened. They’d been talking to each other, but they hadn’t _heard_ each other. And Cas didn’t realize it until it was too late; too late for explanation and clarification. And Dean had only proved his assumptions just yesterday.

He needed to put Dean’s mind at ease.

“I understood what you meant about ET going home, that night in the bar, you know? I knew what you meant.”

Dean snorted. “That’s a first.”

Cas shook his head. “But you were wrong.”

Dean’s eyes snapped to meet his and he stared at him. “What?”

“I wanted to fix things. And I might have died in the process. I was going to shut the Gates of Heaven. That was my intention. But I wasn’t going to stay there. I was going to stay on this side of them. I was going to come back.”

Cas watched Dean, who was looking a little more than shocked by Cas’ confession.

“I was going to come back to you.”

Dean moves them, as though those final words breathed new life into him. He lay back against the pillows and ran both of his hands into his hair, staring upward with wide eyes.

He shook his head slowly. “I thought—“

“I know what you thought. And I would have told you then, but we were interrupted. I heard you in that crypt. And I—I wouldn’t think of leaving you behind forever, Dean. I don’t think I could do that.”

Dean made a choked, disbelieving sound. “You did it for billions of years before I ever existed, Cas.”

Cas sighed, frustrated. “Yes, Dean, I did. But that does not mean that you have not had an impact on me.”

Dean looked over at him, shaking his head, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Cas, man, you’re slummin’ it down here. Why would you want to stay here? And with me, of all people?”

Cas sighed. “Dean. I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen, without interruption. Can you do that, please?”

Dean’s mouth fell open for a moment as if he was about to say something, but he decided against it and closed his mouth. He nodded slowly.

Cas sighed and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes for a moment. “I can recall the moment I was charged with raising you. I remember it clearly because that was not a task that would be given to just anyone. For some reason, despite my previous acts of rebellion, according to Naomi, they trusted me with this mission. I was going to pull the Righteous Man from Hell. Me. I wasn’t a significant commander. I was good at what I did, but there were others far more skilled than I in what they did.

“I was nervous, of course. Nervous as an Angel could be. This was _you_ that I was saving. A very important person in God’s plans. And I was going to be the first Angel to meet you.”

He huffed out a small laugh. “It took me and the rest of my Garrison 40 years to get to you. And when I finally found you, I—“ Cas shook his head, his eyes going a little wide as Dean watched. “There you were, as broken as a man could be without being a demon, and yet your soul was still _so_ bright, Dean. Shining like a beacon to me. And Dean, it was beautiful. I had found you. Finally found you. After so long. You were hanging on a rack, and I could see your misery there. You didn’t look hateful or cruel or full of darkness, like the others there with you. And I got to save you from that.

“So I took you up in my hands and I raised you. I remade your body and put your soul back into place. And there you were again. You were scarred from Hell, but you were saved. And whole. I only wish I had had my vessel then to be able to talk to you. I tried, as you know, but it didn’t take me long to find Jimmy.”

Cas looked suddenly sad. After a moment he blinked and shook his head, as if brushing away a thought.

“My first encounter with you, when you knew who I was, was—“ Cas smiled and his shoulders seemed to shake with a small laugh. “I knew of you, Dean. And I saw your soul. I knew you. But I was not prepared for you to be so skeptical.” He looked at Dean then. “Over the time we spent together, I grew fond of you. You showed me what was right and wrong. I had always watched humanity with curiosity. I would have been sad to see the world end as it was supposed to. But you showed me how truly awful it could be. The thought of you saying yes to Michael, your soul burnt out by Michael’s grace—“ Cas shook his head. “You’d never be you again. I didn’t want to see that happen. And it didn’t. You showed me yet again how strong you are. How strong we all are, together.

“But for some reason, I still felt that only I alone could fix what had been done to Heaven. I was the only one who could stop Raphael. And that wasn’t true. You were right. I should have listened to you. I shouldn't have gone to _Crowley_ over you. He was not my friend. He was not an ally. He was not loyal. You were. You could have helped and I didn’t see that. I did what I set out to do in the end, but at the cost of thousands. Angels and humans, and I lost myself in the process. I was not me anymore. With all of those souls. I was a monster. And I don’t blame you for trying to kill me, no matter how I had felt about it then, I know now that what you were doing was the only thing you could have done.

“And then I was gone. I woke in that river, naked as a newborn child, and I had no idea who I was. Or _what_ I was. But I could feel that there was something very big that I was missing. Something vital that had staked a claim on me not long before. But I paid it no mind. I had gotten a new start, whatever had happened to me. Whatever I had done. I didn’t know of it. I was clean of my sins for a time. And then you blew back into my life by some twist of fate and there was what I was missing. I could feel it when I found you on the porch after you killed that demon, saved Daphne. I knew you, I couldn’t remember how but I _knew_.

“Taking on Sam’s affliction, I—That was selfish. In a way. I wanted to help Sam. I truly did, after what I had done, but—I also wanted… an out. I needed to be taken off the board, and it was the perfect opportunity to do so.” He sighed and shook his head.

“And then in Purgatory—I shouldn’t have run off without explanation, I know. I shouldn’t have done that. You were just as in danger as I was in there. But you could find a way out. I knew that you could somehow. But there was no  way out for me. And here I could atone for my sins. It was my penance.

“But in all that time, you hadn’t gotten out. You could have gone back and found Sam and made sure he was safe. But you didn’t. You came for _me._ After everything that I have done and put you through, you still looked for me. Tried to save me… Like I had once looked for you in Hell.”

Cas looked incredulous, not believing his own word.

“But—I couldn’t go with you. I couldn’t. I had to serve my time. And so I let you go, despite how close I was to freedom. And you didn’t believe it. I could see it on your face. The complete and utter disbelief, the last look I saw on your face… That just added to my punishment.

“And maybe had I gone with you, Naomi wouldn’t have found me. I could have made amends with you. Gone with you on hunts. And everything would have been fine. But she found me and suddenly I was walking along the side of the road in Illinois, instead of along that lake in Purgatory. And I saw your car go by, and you saw me, but then you didn’t. I wasn’t strong enough yet to keep that up.

“When I got back to you, I thought I was okay. I could sense your hesitation, your suspicion, but I didn’t lie to you. I didn’t know how I’d gotten out. But then Naomi found me, told me she’d rescued me, and forced me to forget every time she pulled me back into Heaven. I didn’t even know I was being controlled at first.

“I hated leaving you. I wanted to go with you after that first hunt, but I also wanted to… do something. Do good things. I helped people as best I could. And then Naomi called me back again, and there I was, going back to you only because Naomi asked me to do whatever it took to get Samandriel out of Crowley’s hands. And then she made me kill him, after I’d saved him. When I was trying to do right. Samandriel was good, and I murdered yet another of my siblings. And then I had to leave you, yet again, and you were more confused than you had been. More suspicious. And I didn’t want to leave. But she took me back and made me—“ Cas swallowed hard and ran a hand back through his hair. “She made me kill you. Over and over. Until I could do it right. Without hesitation. Without getting sick, or crying. She made me do it until it meant absolutely nothing and there were thousands of you strewn across the room, reminding me of my incessant flaw. Reminding me of what had turned me away from Heaven in the first place.

“And I almost _killed you_. I almost did it. But I heard you. I could hear you, beyond the mind control, I could hear you. We’re family. And you needed me. The only one I’ve ever known you to need was Sam. And I—Naomi didn’t understand that. Every one of her copies of you were all wrong. They’d always begged for their life, but only their own. They never tried to reason for the sake of us both. They never tried to remind me that that was not who I was. Naomi doesn’t understand need, _love_ , the way that humans can. She knows obedience and loyalty, and those aren’t bad things. But human _love_ was not something she accounted for.”

Dean had turned bright red then, embarrassed. Cas watched him.

“Once I was out of her control, I had to run. I couldn’t stay. And I should have taken you and Sam and Meg with me. I should have taken you back to somewhere safe, but I panicked. I was scared for the tablet, for who could get their hands on it. So I ran. And I should have contacted you, explained everything, but I was so scared, Dean. I was so scared to be caught _again_. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let Naomi have the tablet. Or Crowley. Or anyone. I had to keep it safe. I heard everyone of your prayers. And I should have answered you. I should have told you I was okay. I should have kept you informed. You deserve that much from me at the very least and I couldn’t even give you that.

“They caught me, Crowley took the tablet… He had more Angels working for him…” Cas shook his head. “The tablet was gone and my first thought was that I had to find you. I had to find you, make sure you were still alright. I had to explain myself. But, understandably, you wouldn’t let me.”

Cas stopped then, chewing the inside of his lip. He looked down at his lap, fingers picking at a loose thread in his shirt.

Dean took a deep breath, trying to process all of this information. “What about Metatron? Why go off with him.”

Cas sighed. “I went out after you two left to go find Abaddon. You were running out of necessities, if you remember. I went to the store—“

“You went grocery shopping as a way to apologize?”

Cas blushed deeply. “I had a full basket of your favorite things and some things you were in need of… Then Metatron found me.”

Dean wrinkled up his nose. “I suppose you had pie for me and then got sidetracked?”

Cas sighed. “Unfortunately they were all out of pie. I was not happy about that.”

“Guess that explains why that one kid that works there is terrified of you. But I’m still gonna blame Metatron for the lack of pie. He’s an asshole, anyway.”

“He seemed like someone who could be an ally. He didn’t judge me for the things that I had done. He only offered to help fix it.”

Dean shook his head. “He played right into your weaknesses, man.”

Cas gave him a hard look. “I know that now.” Cas closed his eyes. “I was going to close the gates. I was going to keep the Angels from ever interfering here ever again. I was going to lock them there and in time I’m sure they could have worked things out for themselves.

“But, Dean, I was not going to stay. There would be no place for me up there.”

Dean looked at him, and Cas noted the bob of his Adam’s Apple as he swallowed thickly.

“Why, Cas? Why stay here? You could go home, and if they actually let you, you could have helped them. Not all of them hated you. Samandriel didn’t. Inais seemed pretty happy to have found you. I’m sure there were other Angels willing to let you back in.”  
Cas shook his head. “You are my friend, Dean. Sam is my friend. You two are my family. I didn’t really know what that meant before. Family is different in Heaven. My siblings are my brothers in arms. We are loyal and obedient to each other and to God, even though we have never seen him. But I—“

Dean watched him, frowning. “Cas?”

Cas took a deep, shaky breath. “You need me. And I heard you say that in the crypt, in Purgatory, in hundreds of prayers… But I didn’t understand what that meant before. As an Angel, how could I understand that? I knew what you were saying and I didn’t get it when I should have. I knew what it meant to be useful. To be a weapon. A loyal soldier. I could understand being a friend and caring about people.” He swallowed thickly. “But I was going to _choose_ to fall, so hopefully I could understand what you meant when you said you needed me. I was going to stay behind to be with you. And Sam. Because I couldn’t leave not knowing. I didn’t want to leave you behind.”

Dean stared at him, eyes wide. Cas gave him a small smile.

“And now I understand."


	24. Gazing Into Each Other's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean shivered as the words seemed to wrap around him. They pulled him closer to Cas and before he knew it, Dean had Cas on his back against the pillows, straddling his hips. He ran his hands up Cas’ chest slowly, his eyes flicking over his body. He looked to Cas’ face again, finding Cas watching him with curiosity.   
> “Again,” Dean whispered, afraid to ask, feeling selfish. But he needed to hear it. He needed to hear Cas say it over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am REALLY behind and I apologize for that. I'm going to TRY to catch up tonight. I've been way busier thepast week than i have been in a REALLY long time.  
> Anyway, here's the next chapter. Some lovely smut to help alleviate you from the previous chapters. Enjoy!

It’s raining now, and Dean wishes that there were windows in his room to let in the gray light of the midsummer storm. He can hear the rain hitting the roof and overhead windows out in the main room, though, so the sound will have to be good enough. The soft _pitter patter_ of droplets is the only thing letting him know that the world is still there.

Cas’ hand in on his shoulder, holding tightly, as if making sure Dean doesn’t float away. Dean _feels_ like he could float away. He feels like he could drift right away with just the slight of a breeze. He feels light and full and… his cheeks hurt.

“Dean?”

Dean blinked and looked at Cas finally, eyes coming back into focus. Cas was staring at him, blue eyes wide and curious, and maybe a little confused. Dean flushed, realizing he’d just been sitting there grinning a goofy-ass smile like some kind of dumbass.

“Uh… Yeah, sorry.”

Cas’s eyes flicked over his face. Dean looked down, embarrassed, his hands fidgeting.

“Maybe I said too much,” Cas said after a moment, sounding unsure.

Dean shook his head quickly. “No. No way. You didn’t.” He looked up at him again, but Cas was looking down at his own hands. “You understand now?”

He watched as Cas throat moved around a thick swallow. “I do.”

“Why?”

Cas was silent. Dean could feel the nervousness radiating off of him like heat waves on blacktop in July.

“Cas—“

“Because I need you, too,” Cas finally blurted, rushed. A flush bloomed across Cas’ cheeks and he looked up at Dean, eyes wide and startled by his outburst.

Dean’s eyes were wide, too, and still slightly disbelieving. “Say it again,” he said quietly.

Cas took a deep breath. “I-I need you.”

Dean shivered as the words seemed to wrap around him. They pulled him closer to Cas and before he knew it, Dean had Cas on his back against the pillows, straddling his hips. He ran his hands up Cas’ chest slowly, his eyes flicking over his body. He looked to Cas’ face again, finding Cas watching him with curiosity.

“Again,” Dean whispered, afraid to ask, feeling selfish. But he needed to hear it. He _needed_ to hear Cas say it over and over again.

“I _need_ you, Dean.” Cas would say it until he had no voice if he had to. And then he would write it down forever. If that was what it took to prove it to Dean. “ _I need you_.”

Dean was on his back suddenly, knocked breathless as he fell back against the bed. He stared up at Cas, whose hair stuck out to the sides in the back from resting against the pillows. Cas stared back down at him, eyes dark and serious. He leaned down and skimmed his lips along the edge of Dean’s jaw slowly, mouthing wetly over his skin as he trailed down Dean’s neck.

Dean tipped his head back and slightly to the side, his arms wrapping up around Cas, his hands splaying out between his shoulders and on his lower back. A shiver went down his spine when Cas sucked Dean’s earlobe between his teeth, causing his back to arch up into Cas.

“I need you… I _need you_ ,” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear, and a soft, needy sound escaped Dean’s throat.

Cas pushed a thigh between Dean’s legs, pushing up against his groin.

“C-Cas…” Dean rasped, looking at him then, his pupils blown wide so only thin slivers of green peeked beyond them. Cas gave a little push of his hips and leaned down, sucking Dean’s lower lip between his own, nipping at it gently.

Dean made a fist in Cas’ shirt, rucking it up in the back. He ran his free hand up Cas’ spine slowly, fingers sliding over bumpy bones and the rippling contours of muscles. Cas inhaled sharply at the contact and pressed into Dean, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets on either side of Dean’s body.

Dean looked up at him, lips parted and eyes full of awe. Cas was here. Cas was with him. Cas was in his bed.

And Cas needed him, too.

Dean leaned up and pressed a wet kiss to the side of Cas’ face, stubble dragging along his lips. Cas reached up with a hand, sliding his fingers through Dean’s hair before gripping it and pulling Dean’s head back to look into his eyes. They stared at one another, mouths slightly open, just breathing the same hot, wet air as they caught their breaths. Cas leaned in, touching his lips to Dean’s gingerly once, twice, three times. Dean _whined_ , a desperate sound, wanting more, wanting to taste and feel.

Cas pressed his lips to Dean’s and Dean breathed a sigh of relief, melting into him. All he could taste on Cas was last night’s whiskey, but he didn’t mind. He could still taste a hint of _Cas_ just below the surface, and _that_ was what made him dizzy. He pressed up into the kiss, spit-slick lips pressed to Cas’, pillowy-soft and meeting Dean’s eagerly. Their tongues darted into each other’s mouths, meeting in the middle, then grazing over each other’s lips before trying to pull the breath from each other’s lungs once more.

Dean pulled at the back of Cas’ shirt, wanting it off. He wanted to feel more of him. He wanted more to touch. He _needed_ it.

Cas broke the kiss only briefly to pull the t-shirt off. He yanked it over his head and threw it somewhere across the room. He attacked Dean’s lips again with a soft hum, sending an electric shock straight to Dean’s cock.

Dean’s hands ran up Cas’ chest, over the finely tuned muscles and the bruises from the hunt just days before. Cas grabbed Dean by the hip and Dean’s hands scrambled for purchase, sliding around to dig fingers into Cas back when Cas grinded down into Dean’s hips with his own. That elicited a long, deep moan from Dean’s mouth, and he flushed hot with it.

Dean’s mouth found Cas’ throat eagerly and he sucked, scraping his teeth over the flesh between his lips. Cas groaned, dark and heady, and Dean let go of his skin with a wet sound. He slid his hand over Cas neck and ran his thumb through the spit and over the bruise that was beginning to blossom, his heart pounding against his ribs, making his ears ring with it.

Cas pulled at Dean’s shirt impatiently and eventually got it off, flinging it off somewhere into their peripheral vision. Cas’ lips found Dean’s clavicle and he mouthed wetly at it, sucking gentle little marks that might barely leave bruises. He licked at Dean’s salt-sheened skin and swallowed it in, head spinning with the thick fog of arousal induced by Dean’s scent and taste. He moved eagerly to Dean’s nipples, sucking a small pink bud into his mouth.

Dean’s hips jerked and he gave a choked sound which spurred Cas on to flick his tongue over the sensitive bud, nipping and scraping his teeth over it.

“Cas—“ Dean gasped, his hand making its way into Cas’ hair. “C-Cas, _fuck_!”

Cas pulled off and licked his lips, looking up at Dean from beneath his lashes. Dean was completely wrecked, eyes dark and full of _wantneedwant_. His lower lips was red, shiny with spit, and swollen from Dean’s own teeth biting down to hold back too-loud moans. Cas could hardly take in the sight without losing it right then.

Cas’ hands moved quickly to Dean’s pants, pulling apart the buckle of his belt and flicking open his fly. Dean lifted his legs to help Cas get them and his boxers off properly. Cas worked quickly on his own pants, leaning down as he did to crush his lips to Dean’s once more.

Dean had Cas’ cock in his hand as soon as he was able. Cas was already hard, swollen purple head leaking for Dean. He nudged his thumb against the slit, swirling the precome in circles before giving Cas a slow, full stroke. Cas shuddered and made a small, desperate sound.

“ _Dean_ ,” he gasped, his hand reaching up to grip Dean’s shoulder tightly.

Dean’s free hand slipped around Cas’ neck, cupping the curve of the base of Cas’ skull. “Look at me, Cas. God, please look at me.”

Cas’ eyes flicked up to Dean’s and held there. Cas pressed closer to Dean, practically skin to skin, and Dean took both of their cocks in his grip, to which Cas made the most _delicious_ sound.

It only took a few moments to find a rhythm, Cas rocking slowly over Dean, his hips fucking into the canal between Dean’s cock and fingers. And Dean stroked in time with him, thighs quivering with his building release. Heat swirled and pooled in his belly and he knew he was close. So, so close. And he couldn’t look away from Cas. He couldn’t pull his eyes away.

Cas’ hips stuttered and a whimper broke free of his throat.

“ _Dean_ ,” he gasped, his eyes wide.

Dean nodded, watching him, his heart pounding frantically. “I know, Cas. I got you,” he breathed, his fist working over them faster, wrist twisting in all the right ways.

Cas’ mouth fell open in a silent moan. Dean pulled them through it, his fist never stopping as he followed right after him, coming between them in hot, wet spurts. All the while their eyes locked together, never looking away.

Dean gave a few slow strokes over them, milking out the last of their release. Cas’s breath mixed with his own before he leaned forward and kissed Dean eagerly, stealing any air Dean had left from his chest. Dean’s hand left their softening cocks and slipped around to rest on the small of Cas’ back, pulling him closer still. They kissed, slow and lazy, hot and wet, skin and hair sticking uncomfortably to each other’s bodies with sweat and come.

They lay wrapped around each other sometime later, limbs tangled and eyes closed, but not sleeping or talking. Just holding and listening to each other breathe; feeling each other’s heart beat against their chests.

Cas nuzzled his nose into the crook of Dean’s neck, making a small, affectionate sound. Dean smiled and pressed his lips to the side of Cas’ face.

“Dean, I—“ Cas voice came out rough and quiet and somewhat uncertain.

Dean’s lips pulled down a little into a frown. “What?”

Cas sighed and tightened his hold on Dean, as if scared he was going to have to let him go.

“I—I _love you_ , Dean.”

Dean stilled for a moment, taking a long, deep breath. He closed his eyes and set his face in Cas’ hair.

Cas actually smiled at that. It was the best reaction he’d foreseen. He pressed closer to Dean.

“You don’t have to worry about saying it, Dean,” Cas told him, wanting to put Dean at ease.

Dean sighed and shook his head, his fingers digging into Cas to hold him tighter.

Cas closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to his neck. “I know you do, too.”


	25. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean swallowed thickly and gritted his teeth. “Stuff like this doesn’t ever last, Sam.”  
> “It does, Dean. And you need to believe that. Because otherwise you’re gonna do something to push him away. Don’t give me that look. I know you. And you will. You’ll make damn sure he wants to leave, and that’s not what you want.“  
> Dean shook his head and rubbed at his temples. “Sam—“  
> “No, Dean. Talk to him. Tell him you want him to stay.”  
> “I can’t ask him that.”  
> “Yes, Dean, you can. Tell him what you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very good at catching up on my chapters, am I? Anyway, here's a new one. Going to fill up my mug with more cappuccino and hopefully bust out another chapter before I sleep. Enjoy!

Cas is _always_ grumpy in the mornings. It never fails. The guy could get eleven hours of sleep and it wouldn’t be enough. But Dean’s getting used to it and he’s figuring out how to deal with it. Physically bringing Cas a mug of coffee at least gets Cas _out_ of bed. Dean then lures him into the kitchen with a little coaxing and promise of more coffee and a hot breakfast. Dean’ll get snapped at a few times, to which Dean will just roll his eyes or laugh. Cas will sit down at the table and Dean will give him food and pour him more coffee until Cas has finally perked up, sleep-shadows leaving his face and brightening as he and Dean chat about things, like movies they’d seen or things they might go do together.

But this morning is different.

“Hey, Cas, rise and shine!” Dean said, walking into the bedroom with a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. Cas didn’t move or respond, but that was normal.

Dean set the mug on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed. “Hey, angel, wake up. It’s almost ten.” Dean set his hand on Cas’ shoulder and squeezed gently.

Cas just groaned, not moving or saying anything at all.

Dean frowned. “C’mon, Cas. You know the drill. Coffee’s on the nightstand. I made French toast, let’s go.”

Cas hugged the pillow tighter and Dean heard him sniffle.

“Cas?”

“I’m nod gedding up, Dean,” Cas mumbled into his pillow.

“Cas, are you sick?”

“Go _awaaaaay_ , Dean. You’re too loud.” Cas burrowed further under his blankets.

“No way. Do you feel sick? You’re gonna have to go to a doctor if it’s something worse than a cold.”

“I feel like I’m _dying_. And I am _nod_ seeing a docdor, Dean.”

Dean snorted. “Then you better hope it’s just a cold.”

Dean got up and got the thermometer and cold medicine from the bathroom and a glass of water from the kitchen before heading back to the bedroom. He could hear Cas before he saw him. He was sitting up , coughing hard into his fist. He finally stopped and groaned, holding his forehead.

Dean sighed and sat beside him on the bed. “Here… take two of these and drink the water,” he instructed, handing the water and medicine over to Cas. Cas took them without question and swallowed down in the water in two gulps.

Dean took the glass back from him and he set it aside before reached out to Cas and setting a hand to his forehead. He was clammy and hot. Dean frowned.

“I think you just have a cold… unless you feel like you’re gonna puke?”

Cas shook his head and coughed into his fist. He winced and held his head again. He leaned back against the pillows and let out a sigh.

“The medicine is probably gonna knock you out pretty fast. That’s usually what it does, especially if you’re not use to it. So you just sleep, okay?” Dean instructed softly. He got back up and went around to Cas’ side and pulled the comforter back up over him. Cas looked up at him through heavy lids. “I’ll come and check on you every so often. But if you need me, just call for me, okay? I’ll leave the door cracked.”

Cas nodded and closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

Dean nodded and took a deep breath. He pushed Cas’ hair back from his forehead and he leaned down, pressing a kiss into his skin there.

“Just get better, okay? Being sick sucks.”

Dean left the bedroom and walked back out to the kitchen. He busied himself with various tasks, taking any work he did with him into the kitchen so he could be near the hallway in case Cas called to him. He checked on him every so often only to find Cas still asleep.

Sam walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to find food just as Dean was walking back from checking on Cas for about the hundredth time.

“How is he?” Sam asked, leaning against the counter as he cracked open a beer.

Dean sat back down at the table and sighed, shaking his head. “He’s still asleep. Which is probably good. He’d be a nightmare otherwise.”

Sam chuckled and shook his head. “Him getting sick kind of reminded me… You should probably take him to get all of his immunizations, you know? He doesn’t have any of that stuff. He could get God knows what whenever we’re out.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. That’ll be a fun trip,” he said sarcastically. “I mentioned going to the doctor earlier and I’m pretty sure he woulda put up a fight.”

Sam sat down at the table across from him quietly. He watched for a moment as dean scribbled something down into the book in front of him.

“So,” Sam started slowly, sounding cautious. “How are you guys?”

Dean made a face but didn’t look up, still writing. “We’re okay, I guess. Why?” he said, confused.

“No, I mean—Like—What’s going on with you two?”

Dean looked up at his brother, looking at Sam like he was already done with the conversation before it even started. “I’m not having this girly-ass talk with you, dude. No way.”

Sam scowled. “C’mon, Dean. I just want to know what’s going on. I mean—Cas hasn’t slept in his own room in weeks. I just want to know if you guys are—“

“We’re not gonna go off and elope, if that’s what you’re getting at, Sam.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m not asking that, Dean. I just—I wanna make sure you’re okay. After that fight you guys had—“

Dean sighed. “Sam, we’re fine. We’re good. _More_ than good, actually. Everything’s cool.”

“So he’s gonna stay even if we’re able to get the rest of the Angels back into Heaven?”

Dean scowled. “Dude, don’t talk about that right now,” he hissed. “He could be awake for all you know.”

Sam stared at him. “You haven’t told him about this?”

“Of course I haven’t told him. Jesus. I wanted to talk about that even _less_ than I wanted to talk about the other shit.”

“Dean, the longer you wait, the worse it’s gonna be if he decides he wants to go back to Heaven.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s not gonna be any worse than the last dozen other times he’s left,” he lied, looking back down at his book. “I’ll wait, and I’ll tell him, and he’ll go. Like he always does.”

Sam frowned deeply. “You really think he’d still leave?”

“Course I do. Wouldn’t you? If you lost all that and you could get it back?”

Sam frowned and shook his head, leaning back in his chair. “No, Dean. I wouldn’t. I _didn’t_.”

Dean looked up at him and frowned deeply.

Sam sighed. “Dean, I don’t think Cas would leave again. Not for that. Not for a lot of things. I think he’s learned something really important from this. I don’t think he’d give that up.”

Dean swallowed hard and ran a hand over his face.

“He—He told me—“

“That he loves you?”

Dean turned bright red at that and he looked away. “Yeah. Shut up.”

“No, Dean. That’s what I mean. He loves you. And I don’t think he would lie about that—“

“We have zero evidence to back that up, Sam.”

Sam scowled. “Jesus, Dean. Don’t you believe him?”

Dean swallowed thickly and gritted his teeth. “Stuff like this doesn’t ever last, Sam.”

“It does, Dean. And you need to believe that. Because otherwise you’re gonna do something to push him away. Don’t give me that look. I know you. And you will. You’ll make damn sure he _wants_ to leave, and that’s not what you want.“

Dean shook his head and rubbed at his temples. “Sam—“

“No, Dean. Talk to him. Tell him you want him to stay.”

“I can’t ask him that.”

“Yes, Dean, you can. Tell him what you _want._ ”

 

Cas padded into the library a few days later with a mug full of hot tea and a bag of cough drops, wrapped up in a thick sweater and fluffy socks. He sat down in a chair next to where Dean was working and sighed, holding the mug close to his body for warmth.

Dean looked up from his book and smiled at him gently. “Hey. Feelin’ any better?”

Cas shrugged and coughed a little into his elbow. “My head hurts a bit less.”

Dean nodded. “The cough will last longer than anything else. Least it does for me.”

Cas nodded and leaned his head against Dean’s shoulder.

Dean leaned in and pressed his lips into Cas’ hair. “Wanna watch a movie tonight? Now that you’re out of the bedroom.”

Cas nodded and closed his eyes. “Can we watch something we’ve seen already, in case I fall asleep?” he asked.

Dean nodded and ran his free hand up and down Cas’ back slowly. “Yeah, sure. You just better be able to walk yourself back to the bedroom when it’s over.”

Cas smiled a little and leaned into Dean’s side more. “Of course.”


	26. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I didn’t know I could miss someone that much,” Dean muttered. “I wanted—needed you here so bad. It was killing me not knowing where you were. What had happened. You were going back to Heaven, and you told me that if you ever went back—“  
> It clicked into Cas’ brain immediately. “I’d told you I thought I might kill myself…” He whispered, his eyes wide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this is called "Marriage" and I might change it. That's what the challenge called for, but I've changed other chapters, too. And I don't do marriage, in writing or reading really. I tolerate it but it never feels right to me. So instead I sort of just went with promises, which is kind of the same thing. I just feel like this is more fitting for Dean and Cas than a piece of paper telling them they're legally bound.  
> But here it is! Slowly catching up. Maybe tomorrow I'll be back on track? Who knows. Sounds like i'll be busy tomorrow night so we'll see.  
> Enjoy!

Cas is staring out the passenger window of the Impala, watching the fields rush by them. The air was humid, heat mixing with the rain from the day before, but everything seemed more alive with it. Cas leaned his head against the glass and sighed. He glanced over at Dean.

“Where are we going?” he asked him.

Dean looked over at him, then back at the road. He shrugged. “Just for a drive. Thought it might be nice to get out of the bunker.”

Cas nodded slowly and looked back out the window.

Moments later he felt a light touch to his elbow. He looked down to see Dean’s fingers touching his arm. Dean pulled his hand down between them on the middle seat and he slipped his fingers between Cas’ slowly. Cas smiled and squeezed Dean’s hand tightly.

They drove for a while longer, at least an hour, before Dean pulled off of the main road onto an old dirt one in a small group of trees. He parked and shut of the car.

Cas looked up at him curiously. “Are we going for a walk?”

Dean shrugged. “You wanna?”

Cas looked out the window again for a moment, then back over at Dean. He nodded. “Yes.”

They got out of the car and walked around to each other. Dean slipped his hand back into Cas’, holding tightly to him as he began to walk down the road with him.

Cas walked along. They were going slowly, taking their time. He looked at Dean. “Have you been here before?”

Dean shrugged. “Just once.”

Cas nodded a looked around again curiously. “I think this might be the most trees I’ve seen in this whole state.”

Dean chuckled quietly and nodded. “Good thing, too. Too hot to take a walk without the shade.”

“It is,” Cas agreed, wiping at the sweat building up on his brow with the back of his hand.

Dean pulled him off the road after a short time and into the trees.

Cas walked carefully through the weeds and wild flowers and tall grass, weaving around trees behind Dean but still holding tightly to his hand. 

“Where are we going?” he asked curiously.

“You’ll see, Cas,” Dean said in reply. “We’re not too far.”

Cas was _hot_. Overheating in their rush through the trees. His shirt clung to his back and his chest, soaking through with sweat. His hair stuck uncomfortably to his forehead.

“ _Dean_ —“

Dean stopped and looked at him, smiling a little. “Don’t worry. It’s here.”

Cas walked forward to stand beside Dean. Just a few feet in front of them was a muddy river, flowing slowly and peacefully like it probably had for thousands of years. An old, _old_ river. It seemed to whisper, beckoning them forward into it’s cool waters.

Cas looked over at Dean, but Dean was looking ahead at the river still. He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. “Wanna swim?” he asked. Cas could hear the blush in his voice but it was hidden behind a flush from the heat.

Cas smiled a little and nodded. “Sure.”

Dean looked over at him. “I guess—do you know how?”

Cas nodded. “I understand the mechanics of it. I watched your species for a long time. I’ll figure it out.”

Dean nodded and smiled a little. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He said softly. He let go of Cas’ hand reluctantly after a moment and peeled off his damp t-shirt.

Cas watched him for a moment, his eye’s flicking over the sweat-soaked skin of Dean’s chest and abdomen. He licked his dry lips and tore his eyes from him, turning away to pull off his own shirt and take off his pants.

He heard a splash and turned to see Dean already in the water. He walked over to the edge and watched as Dean popped back up and grinned up at Cas, shaking out his hair.

“You gonna leave those on?” Dean asked him, smiling crookedly.

Cas huffed and rolled his eyes. “I suppose not.” Cas pushed off his briefs and stretched out his arms. Dean gave a wolf-whistle and Cas turned to glare at him.

Dean just grinned, wading onto his back.

Cas rolled his eyes. “You’re objectifying me, Dean.”

Dean laughed and swam back over to the edge. “You’re hot, what can I say?”

Cas blushed under the heat that was already in his skin.

Dean smiled. “Jump in, Cas. Water’s not even too cold.”

Dean swam back and Cas looked at the water.

“S’not too deep, either. I can touch here in the middle.”

Cas looked at him for a moment before stepping back a few paces. He took a deep breath, then took a quick step and jumped into the water.

He hit the water with a loud sound that was abruptly dulled by the water itself in his ears. He blinked his eyes open a little and looked around once before coming back to the surface with a gasp. He pushed his hair back from his face and blinked, looking around for Dean.

Dean was wading over to him now, grinning. “How’s it feel?”

Cas grinned and laughed a little. “It feels really nice,” he replied, water spraying from his lips.

“Sammy and I would do this sometimes when my dad was on hunts. Ten times better than shitty air conditioning.”

Cas smiled. “it does feel much nicer than in the bunker.”

Dean moved closer to him slowly, then reached out and pulled cas closer, hand wrapping around Cas’ hip.

Cas pressed close and set his forehead to Dean’s, still smiling. His heart thudded against his chest still from the adrenaline rush of jumping into the water, but it wasn’t going to stop now that he was this close to Dean.

Dean leaned in and nudged his nose to the underside of Cas’ jaw affectionately.

“I found this place not long after finding the bunker,” Dean muttered softly against Cas’ neck.

Cas shivered and took a long, deep breath, his hands coming up to rest on Dean’s shoulders.

“I prayed to you here,” Dean continued softly.

Cas closed his eyes and pressed his cheek to Dean’s. His hands tightened on Dean. “You prayed to me a lot of places, Dean,” Cas says finally after a long pause. 

“I didn’t ask you to come home every time.”

Cas opened his eyes again as Dean pulled back to look at him. Dean’s eyes flicked over his face and Cas noted the bob in his throat.

“I begged you to come _home_ , man,” Dean said, whispering, as if it was too much for even himself to hear.

Cas watched Dean sadly and he moved one of his hands to the side of Dean’s face, cupping his cheek, his fingers hooking around the corner of his jaw.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t, Dean.”

“Did you want to?”

“Of course I did,” Cas said, his brows pulling together in confusion. “I always wanted to be right here—“

Dean sighed and closed his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his face into Cas’ neck. Cas circled his arms around him and closed his eyes.

Dean held tightly to him. Cas wondered if Dean thought he might disappear.

“I didn’t know I could miss someone that much,” Dean muttered. “I wanted— _needed_ you here so bad. It was killing me not knowing where you were. What had happened. You were going back to Heaven, and you told me that if you ever went back—“

It clicked into Cas’ brain immediately. “I’d told you I thought I might kill myself…” He whispered, his eyes wide.

Dean’s arms tightened around him. “I thought you’d actually done it. I thought you were really gone that time.”

Cas shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

Dean sighed shakily and finally pulled back only slightly, looking at him again.

“We’re trying to find a way to get into Heaven,” Dean said, his expression serious now.

Cas stared at him, blinking slowly. “The only one that’s there is Metatron. And he’s hardly a problem anymore—“

“We have to get the Angels back up there, man. You know that.”

Cas swallowed thickly. “Then I want to help. I want to help in any way that I can.”

“Do you want back in?”

Cas was caught off guard by the question. ”What?”

Dean’s expression was unreadable. “Are you goin’ back to Heaven with them? Do you want back in if you have a way in?”

“Dean, why—“

“Cas, I need to know. I need to know what gonna happen if you have the opportunity to leave again. Because if you want to—If you decide not to stay—“

“Dean, I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean stopped and looked at Cas again, his eyes a little wider than before.

Cas took Dean’s face in his hands. “I’m _not_ going anywhere. I thought I explained that to you before.”

“You said that you need me. That doesn’t mean you don’t need Heaven, too.”

“ _You_ are my family now. You have been for a long time. You and Sam. And now Kevin and Charlie. You are all my family. I want to stay with you.”

Dean eyes were bright, glassy.

“Without my Grace, I understand everything now. I understand it better than I did before. I couldn’t do what Anna did. I could not give this up.”

“But—“ Dean’s voice came out hoarse and breathless, but Cas cut him off.

“I _need_ you, Dean. I _love_ you. I’m _not_ leaving you again. I will stay. You’ve prayed for me enough times. I will not leave you again.”

Dean let out a shaky breath and his hands moved up to take Cas’ face as well. He swallowed hard and set his forehead to Cas’.

Cas watched him, thumbs skimming light as butterfly kisses over Dean’s cheekbones and the constellations of freckles upon them. “I will stay with you, Dean. I need you.”

Dean sniffled and a tear slipped down onto Cas’ thumb despite his efforts to hold them back. He Closed his eyes and knotted his finger sin to Cas’ hair.

“I—Cas, I—“

“Dean, I know.”

“—I love you,” Dean gasped quietly. “Jesus, Cas...”

Cas nodded and pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips gently. They pulled back after a moment and Dean hugged him close, pressing his face into Cas’ neck, breathing him in. Cas held him, one hand on the small of Dean’s back and the other in his hair, feeling calm as the waters passing lazily by around them.


	27. A Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I open my eyes yet?” Cas asked, hoping someone was close enough to hear him.  
> “Yeah, Cas, go ahead,” came Dean’s voice close to his ear.  
> Cas shivered and blinked his eyes open, looking around. His brows knitted together in confusion when he took in the dozens of balloons and the streams hanging from the ceiling. He saw a small stack of presents on the table, then turned and looked at Dean. “What’s going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think by now we've established that my chapters are late.  
> Anyway, here's the new one. I hope you guys can tell where it's kind of going toward the end...  
> And I sincerely apologize.

Cas is very confused and he’s not sure what is happening, but he’s been herded into his and Dean’s bedroom by a very pushy Charlie and made to stay inside. He’s not allowed to leave. _For anything_ , Charlie had added sternly before leaving. Even his bathroom privileges had been revoked.

He sat quietly on the bed, absently going through Dean’s bedside drawer and flipping through John’s journal. All he’d been told about this whole thing was that everyone was getting something ready. That’s it. That’s all he’d been told. And it bothered him a little, but he figured he’d be included eventually. It had to do with him, after all. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been made to be prisoner in his own room for the afternoon.

 

Dean’s tongue stuck out of his mouth as he worked on frosting a cake. He wasn’t _great_ at decorating cakes. He didn’t even usually care that much about cake, but this was supposed to be a birthday party. Who the hell has a birthday party sans-cake?

Charlie sat beside him at the table, smearing blue frosting expertly atop cupcakes, adding silvery sprinkles.

“You take a cake decorating class or something?” Dean asked, not looking away from the words he was scrawling across the top of the cake.

“No. I just… have a lot of time. And cupcakes are amazing.”

“More of a pie guy, myself.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s apparently important enough to you to mention about two or three times per book.”

Dean snorted and shook his head. “You’re not still reading those, are you?”

“No. I finished them.”

Dean rolled his eyes and snagged the sprinkles from her. “I really hope he likes cake because no one but you and Kevin are gonna eat what’s left otherwise. Sam prefers his rabbit food.”

Charlie smiled. “I will gladly take all baked leftover with me when I leave.”

Dean smiled. “Might have to fight over them with Kevin.”

“Please, I could take that kid,” Charlie scoffed.

Dean finished up the cake and sat back. “There! How’s that look?”

Charlie leaned over and examined his work. “God, your frosting handwriting _sucks_.”

“Shut up, Betty Crocker,” he snapped, annoyed.

Charlie punched his shoulder. “It looks okay, otherwise. I think he’ll like it regardless of how nice it looks. You’re giving him a _birthday_ , after all.”

“Actually _you’re_ giving him a birthday. You’re the expert.”

“Okay, well, it was your idea. That’s what we’re all telling him.”

Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I hope this doesn’t piss him off. Seriously. What if he’s offended?”

Charlie snorted. “I don’t think he’ll be offended.”

Dean looked up at her. “He’s like… millions of years old, Charlie. Birthdays probably seem like a pretty stupid concept to him.”

Charlie shook her head and sat back down. “Do you know what day he might pick?”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t have a clue. I can’t think of any particular day that would be at all significant to the guy.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Right. There’s not a single day that might be important.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay, shut up.” Dean stood and started cleaning up the mess they’d made.

Sam walked in with Kevin then. “Okay, we got up all your decorations—“

“Which are pretty dorky, by the way. He’s not turning 12,” Kevin chimed in.

Dean set Kevin with a glare. “He could be. He could be turning twelve in Angel years.”

Charlie snorted and shook her head. “Should I go and get the birthday boy? Or is there something else to do?”

Dean looked around, then shook his head. “I think everything’s done. The presents are out in the room, the decorations are up—“

“And the food’s done,” Kevin said around a mouthful of cupcake.

Charlie looked up at him and Dean was glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of that looked. “You’re supposed to WAIT for the cupcakes, Kevin! What the hell?”

Dean looked over at Kevin with a smirk. “Yeah, no more for you until everyone else has had one.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Okay, sure.”

Charlie shook her head. “I’m gonna go and get him. Should I make him close his eyes?”

Dean smiled a little and nodded. “Yeah. Take him to the living room first. We’ll show him the cake when he’s done opening his gifts and when you’re done with your computer magic.”

Charlie grinned at that. “Got it, boss.” She turned and walked down the hallway towards the bedroom, leaving Dean feeling a little nervous.

 

Cas looked up when the door opened.

“Alright, we’re done. Close the baby blues,” Charlie said cheerfully.

Cas frowned, confused. “My what?”

“Your eyes, Cas. C’mon and keep your eyes closed.”

“Why do I need to close my eyes?” he asked curiously, standing.

“Don’t you know what a surprise is?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Well, in my experience, surprises are bad.”

Charlie sighed. “Yeah yeah. Just close ‘em. This surprise is good, I promise.”

Cas sighed and closed his eyes. He felt Charlie’s hands take his and he let himself be led along until they came to a stop. He heard whispered off to the left of him.

“Can I open my eyes yet?” Cas asked, hoping someone was close enough to hear him.

“Yeah, Cas, go ahead,” came Dean’s voice close to his ear.

Cas shivered and blinked his eyes open, looking around. His brows knitted together in confusion when he took in the dozens of balloons and the streams hanging from the ceiling. He saw a small stack of presents on the table, then turned and looked at Dean. “What’s going on?”

Dean smiled. “Decided to throw you a party.”

“What for?”

Charlie smiled at him. “For your birthday!”

Cas was even more confused. “But I don’t—“

“We know. But we’re going to give you one today. Officially. Legally—“

“Charlie’s gonna hack into some stuff and get you a birth certificate and everything. You’ll be all set,” Dean cut in, taking Cas’ hand. “Is that okay?”

Cas nodded slowly and looked around again. “So today’s my birthday?”

Dean shrugged. “It can be whatever day you want it to be, Cas.”

“You usually have to be born to have a birthday, Dean.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know. You’re human now. You should have a birthday like the rest of us. So you can pick whatever day you want.”

Cas took a deep breath and looked back over to the pile of gifts. “You guys bought me presents?”

Sam laughed. “Of course we did, Cas.”

Dean smiled at him. “Go and sit down and you can open them.”

Cas walked over to the couch and sat down. Dean sat beside him, while Charlie and Kevin sat on the loveseat and Sam sat in a chair. Cas was suddenly aware that everyone’s eyes were on him and he blushed, becoming self-conscious.

Dean watched him, then sighed, grabbing up one of the gifts. He sat it in Cas’ lap. “There. Just open stuff, man.”

Cas looked down at the wrapped package in his lap for a moment before picking it up. He looked around at them, then back down at it before tearing off the paper.

There were two things inside the wrapping. One of them was folded neatly on top of the other. It was a muted shade of green. Cas picked it up and unfolded it, holding it up.

Sam cleared his throat. “It’s a tool belt… for gardeners. I thought it might come in handy.”

Cas smiled a little and took out the second thing in the wrapping. It was blue and soft, but squished like the mattress in his and Dean’s room. 

“And that,” Sam continued, “is for when you’re working on the ground. So you don’t mess up your knees.”

Cas smiled a little more and set the giftsback on top of one another. He looked up at Sam. “Thank you, Sam.”

Sam blushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck.

Cas picked up the next present, but Dean grabbed it away quickly. Cas looked up at him, confused and startled.

Dean smiled a little. “Not this one yet. Open the ones from Charlie and Kevin first.”

Cas sighed and picked up a different gift. He opened it and pulled out a t-shirt from inside. He held it up in front of him and scowled. It was black with “INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS” plastered across the front. Cas turned and glared at Dean, who was snickering. He could hear Charlie giggling on the other side of him. He turned his glare toward her then and she just laughed harder.

“It was Dean’s idea, I promise!” she said, though she was clearly enjoying this just as much as Dean was.

“I don’t find it the least bit funny,” Cas mumbled, setting the shirt down with Sam’s gifts. “I am not a ‘body snatcher.’”

Dean chuckled and squeezed his shoulder. “You loved that movie anyway. Shut up.”

Cas sighed and picked up the gift from Kevin. It was just a hard, rectangular block in his hands. He took off the wrapping to reveal a small, plain navy book with gold-edged pages. He opened it and found page after page of blank lines. He looked up at Kevin, who looked very serious.

“It’s a journal. I’ve kept one since I was a kid. I stopped for a while, because of everything with the tablets, but I picked it back up again. I’ve always thought it helped a lot… with stuff.” Kevin just shrugged at the end and sat back against the cushions of the loveseat.

Cas looked back down at the journal and ran his hand over the cover. He looked back up at him after a moment. “Thank you, Kevin. I think you’re right. I’m sure it will help.”  
Charlie cleared her throat, raising her eyebrows at him.

Cas sighed. “And thank you, Charlie, for encouraging Dean with his teasing. I really appreciate it.”

Charlie grinned then. “You are _very_ welcome.”

Cas smiled slightly, then turned to Dean.

Dean blushed slightly and handed the small package to him. “Mine’s—uh—It’s kind of stupid—“

“I’m sure it’s fine, Dean.” He gave him a gentle smile and unwrapped it. In the paper was a small, black box. He took off the lid and peered at the sparkling silver band inside.

He heard Dean swallow and Cas looked up at him.

“It’s, uh… It’s the same as mine—“

Cas took the ring out of the box and examined it closely before slipping it onto one of his fingers. He smiled. “I like it.”

He looked up to see Sam grinning a wide, bright smile, one he hadn’t seen in a long time, if ever. Charlie had her hands over her mouth and Kevin’s eyes were practically popping out of his skull.

He looked over at Dean, who was blushing but smiling at him warmly. Dean took Cas’ hand tightly.

“Okay. Let’s go have cake, then.”

 

“So, Castiel. What day do you want it?” Charlie asked around a mouthful of cake, typing away at her computer.

Cas shrugged, then looked up after a moment, thoughtful. “I think just the day that I came here would be sufficient.”

Dean watched him. “What day was that?”

“Seriously, Dean?” Charlie said, looking both shocked and annoyed. “How is it I know this and you don’t?”

Dean scowled. “Why? What day was it? I don’t know when he came here.”

“I believe it was the 18th of September,” Cas said before taking another huge bite of cake.

Sam blinked. “The day Dean came back from hell?”

Cas nodded. “I pulled Dean out, then found Jimmy.”

“Dude, I figured you’d been down here for a while,” Dean said.

Cas shrugged. “I’ve probably been down here before. I don’t _know_ , no thanks to Naomi. But That was the first time I remember being down here in some time.”

Charlie looked at Cas. “That’s the day you want, Castiel?”

Cas nodded and smiled a little. “Yes. I think that would be a good day.”

She smiled. “I think so, too.”

 

Dean was in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess that was left over from the party. He stood at the sink, washing dishes, trying to hurry. Everyone else may have gone to bed, but the party wasn’t over yet for him and Cas.

Cas walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiled and turned his head to kiss Cas’ cheek. “No problem, Cas.”

Cas sighed and closed his eyes. “We can finish this in the morning, you know?”

Dean shook his head. “Might as well get it done tonight. Otherwise it _won’t_ get done and you know it.”

Cas chuckled and shrugged. “I’m going to head to the bedroom, then.”

Dean shook his head. “Nope. You’re staying here til I’m done.”

“Why?” Cas groaned.

“Because I have one more present for you and I don’t want you falling asleep on me.”

Cas sighed. “You could just give it to me in the morning.”

“No way, Cas. I’m not waitin’.”

Cas groaned again but didn’t move. He waited until Dean finished with the dishes, then pulled Dean back to the bedroom. “Why didn’t you just give me this present earlier?”

Dean just smiled and shook his head. “can’t give you this in front of everyone, Cas.”

Cas eyed him suspiciously before walking into their room. Dean closed the door behind them but just stood there as Cas walked over and sat down on the bed.

“Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath. “Okay. This might seem kinda weird. But—Don’t judge me, okay? Just tell me if you don’t like it.”

Cas frowned and stared at him. “Dean, what are you—“ His words trailed off and his eyes fell to Dean’s hands, which were now undoing his own pants.

Dean blushed a little and took a deep breath, undoing his pants fully, revealing a strip of light green beneath his jeans, and Cas’ mouth went dry.


	28. Something Ridiculous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean could not believe he was doing this. He hadn’t told another living soul about his little kink, outside of Rhonda Hurley herself. But now here he was, about to drop his pants to reveal the green, silky underwear underneath. They weren’t technically women’s underwear. He wasn’t brave enough to walk into a store and pick up a pair for himself. But they looked it. He’d gotten them online, specifically for this occasion.  
> The look on Cas’ face was kind of making him regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, another chapter out in just a few short hours. Not much to say about this otherwise.   
> Just... Enjoy!

Dean could not believe he was doing this. He hadn’t told another living soul about his little kink, outside of Rhonda Hurley herself. But now here he was, about to drop his pants to reveal the green, silky underwear underneath. They weren’t technically women’s underwear. He wasn’t brave enough to walk into a store and pick up a pair for himself. But they looked it. He’d gotten them online, specifically for this occasion.

The look on Cas’ face was kind of making him regret it.

He watched Cas nervously, his cheeks burning. He swallowed hard, fingers fidgeting with the button of his jeans. “This is weird. Isn’t it? This is weird.” He said, rushed, going to do up his pants again. “S-Sorry—“

“Dean.”

Dean stopped and looked up at Cas again, really looked at him this time. Cas expression wasn’t horrified or disgusted, or even blank, like he’d imagined. He looked hungry.

Dean blushed deeper and took a deep breath. “This is… This is okay?”

“Keep going.” Cas’ voice was rougher and deeper than usual and his fisted was balled into the comforter beside him. He was very clearly restraining himself from jumping on Dean.

And that gave Dean a sudden boost of confidence.

Dean smiled a little and undid his pants all the way again, but slowly. He licked his lips and then hooked his fingers under his shirt before lifting it up over his head. He tossed it to the side of the room and looked at Cas again. Cas wasn’t looking at his face anymore. His eyes were wandering over Dean’s body, taking in the sight of him.

Dean bit his lower lip and kicked off his boots and socks. He took a deep breath before pushing his pants down slowly, letting them drop around his ankles before kicking them away.

Dean knew how he looked; knew what a sight he was. He carried a bit more weight now than he use to, but he was still fucking hot. And Cas looked like a man possessed, eyes locked on Dean’s crotch; on the outline of Dean’s dick through the panties. He looked like he was starving for it.

“Like what you see, Cas?”

Cas didn’t respond. Couldn’t, it looked like. Dean just smirked. “Decided you needed more than just a pretty piece of jewelry for your birthday.” He stepped closer to Cas slowly before climbing up into the man’s lap. He ran a hand back through Cas’ hair. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

Cas was looking up at him, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. He ran his hands up Dean’s sides and took a deep breath.

“Dean…”

Dean’s hands fell to the fly of Cas’ pants. He started undoing them slowly. “What do you want, Angel. Tell me what you want.”

Cas wetted his lips, tongue darting out to slide over them. Dean watched, his heart pounding against his chest.

“C’mon—“

Dean was on his back in the blink of an eye, and for a moment he would have sworn Cas still had his Grace. He gasped and looked up at Cas, his eyes wide and startled. Cas was on top of him now, straddling him, one hand on Dean’s shoulder. He was looking down at Dean, his eyes full of awe, and that made Dean flush scarlet.

“Jesus Christ, Cas—“

Cas leaned down and kissed him suddenly, crushing their lips together hard enough to bruise, their teeth clicking as they made contact. Dean groaned into his mouth and kissed him back, his hands reaching up into Cas’ hair. Cas’ hips rolled slowly over the this fabric covering Dean’s hips and Dean squirmed, his heart racing.

“Cas,” he gasped when their lips finally parted. “Cas, tell me—“ He was silenced by another roll of Cas hips and he tipped his head back.

Cas’ lips attacked Dean’s bared throat. He sucked and scraped his teeth over the delicate flesh, moving slowly downward over Dean’s shoulder, to his clavicle. He grazed down Dean’s chest, lingering at his nipples to nip and suck at them, making Dean writhe beneath him. He mouthed wet kisses into Dean’s skin as he made his way down his abdomen, around his belly button and below it.

Cas’ hand came up and slid over Dean’s crotch, making Dean shudder. Precome had soaked the front of the panties where his dick lay hard and trapped beneath the thin fabric. Cas leaned down and mouthed at the wet material, teasing the head of Dean’s cock. Dean moaned and twisted, his hands coming down to knot into Cas’ hair.   
Cas ran his lips along the length of him, tongue darting out to nudge at the hard line Dean made through the fabric.

“C-Cas—Cas, please—“

Cas glanced up at him for a moment before rolling the top of Dean’s panties down, letting the head of his cock peek out. Cas leaned down again and pressed wet, open-mouthed kissed against the swollen purple tip. Dean whimpered and gripped Cas’ hair tighter.

Cas pulled the panties down further, slowly, and sat up a little. He helped get dean out of them leg by leg, then knelt back down between Dean’s legs after tossing the panties away. He took Dean’s cock into his hand and gave him a couple slow strokes, pulling deep, primal noises from Dean’s throat.

“Fuck—Cas, c’mon, man,” Dean gasped.

Cas ran his tongue along the vein running up the underside of Dean’s cock, tasting salt and something better, and underneath that that was pure Dean. Cas wrapped his mouth around the head of his cock and swirled his tongue slowly, nudging at the slit and tasting him. He hummed contentedly around him, eliciting a low groan from Dean, and he popped back off with a wet sound. Cas licked his lips, watching as Dean unashamedly splayed his legs further apart. Cas nudged his nose against Dean gently before mouthing gingerly as the delicate skin of Dean’s sack, taking pleasure in the whimpering sounds that pulled from Dean now. He licked and kissed and sucked gently as his hand came up, fingers stroking and pressing along the sensitive skin of his perineum. Dean gasped, breath stuttering and his hips bucking slightly at the touch.

Cas moved his mouth there, sliding his tongue along the space that had Dean nearly jumping out of his skin. He nudged and licked eagerly, spurred on my Dean’s writhing and sounds.

“ _Jesus_ Christ, Cas—Holy—!“ Dean moaned and arched up when Cas’ fingers nudged at his hole. He felt saliva drip between his crease and Cas circled his finger around slowly before pushing the tip of his finger into Dean.

Dean hissed and gripped the sheets, his hips coming up off of the mattress. Cas licked at his perineum again while he dipped the tip of his finger in a few more times.

“Cas—Dammit, _please_ —“

Cas pressed his finger into Dean up to the second knuckle. Dean moaned and threw his head back against the pillows, cursing loudly. Cas curled his finger slightly, pulled back, then pressed in again. He mouthed back up to Dean’s cock, running his lips along the vein before mouthing at the tip. He worked his finger in and out of him slowly, crooking it, opening Dean up for him. He slid his mouth down Dean a little and sucked gently.

Dean moaned and twisted in the sheets, shuddering as Cas nudged second finger into him. The stretch burned, searing through Dean and making him whine, gritting his teeth. But it felt incredibly good. Because Cas was in him. Cas was filling him. And he knew he needed more, but he would take this. He loved this.

Cas scissored his fingers and bent them, pushing and prodding gently to find just that right spot. Confirmation came when Cas hooked his finger and pressed up. Dean cried out and cursed, his hips jerking violently, causing Cas to gag. He pulled back, stings of come and saliva still connecting his lips to Dean’s cock. He looked up at Dean, eyes dark and hooded. Dean was gasping for breath, whimpering.

Cas pressed again, which drew out another delicious sound from Dean’s chest. He kept pushing, sliding his fingers into him faster each time, making Dean squirm beneath his touch.

Dean moaned, his head spinning. It was too much. This was all too much—

Dean’s vision whited out and his ears rang like church bells as he came hard. The intense pleasure that washed over him was like nothing he’d ever felt. His whole body burned with it; was consumed by it.

Cas watched, his free hand working over Dean’s cock now to milk out the last of his release. He wrapped his mouth around him, catching the last few spurts on his tongue as he licked him clean. He pulled his fingers from Dean slowly, and Dean whined at the sudden emptiness. He looked at Cas, trying to catch his breath.

Cas crawled up next to Dean, licking his lips. He pulled off his own clothes slowly and lay down, pulling Dean close. Dean could feel Cas’ softening erection against him back and he shivered.

“Jesus, Cas, you weren’t even touched.”

Cas just smiled, his lips against Dean’s shoulder. “You were making beautiful sounds.”

Dean blushed and cuddled back into him. “It’s your birthday, I shoulda been treating _you_ , not the other way around.”

“You did treat me, Dean. That was perfect.”

Dean smiled at that and closed his eyes. “Pretty sure you’ve seen more than just the pizza man,” Dean teased, words muffled now with exhaustion.

Cas just chuckled quietly, stifling a yawn before they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	29. Something Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas watched him, then looked down at the ring. “Is the ring part of marriage?”  
> Dean nodded. “Yeah, it is. It’s… it’s kind of meant to signify to everyone else that you’re taken, off the market, whatever. But people only know that if it’s on the right finger. That’s not why I gave it to you, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short, fluffy chapter for you guys. Enjoy!

Cas lay awake in the middle of the night, having woke for no reason in particular. He was still wrapped around Dean, Dean’s head resting on one of his arms and drooling. Cas nuzzled his face into Dean’s hair and took a deep breath, smiling happily.

Cool metal on his finger reminded him of the day before, of the birthday and the food and the gifts. He had a birthday now, which really felt more human than anything else he’d experienced so far. He had a day of the year that was his, a day when the people he loved and loved him in return would celebrate him. His stomach fluttered at the thought. He raised his hand and looked at the ring, glinting in the soft yellow light of the nightlight across the room. He smiled, flexing his fingers to watch the shine change.

Dean shifted and made a small noise. He yawned and looked back at Cas sleepily. 

“You up, Cas?” he mumbled, voice rough with sleep.

Cas leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Yes. But I’ll fall back asleep, soon.”

Dean looked up at him, blinking the sleep from his eyes. “You okay?”

Cas nodded and set his hand on Dean’s chest. “Yes. More than fine.”

Dean smiled at that and rested his hand over Cas’. “Good. Good, I’m glad.”

Cas smiled happily and pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips softly. “You can go back to sleep, Dean. I’m not really sure why I woke up.”

Dean shrugged and nudged his nose against Cas’, closing his eyes again. “I don’t mind bein’ up. S’okay.”

Cas smiled warmly and traced circles slowly over Dean’s chest.

Dean’s fingers traced over the ring on Cas’ finger and his smile grew.

Cas watched him. “You seem very happy about your gift to me.”

Dean chuckled. “I’m pretty happy about it, yeah.”

“Because I like it and you thought that I wouldn’t?”

Dean looked up at him and smiled. “Because—“ Dean thought for a moment. “I’m not gonna ask you to marry me, Cas. I feel like—We’re pretty beyond that at this point, you know? I mean, if you want to get married, we can do that. Do all the human stuff and whatever. But you know, it’s this weird ceremony, with people just signing papers telling you you’re together for insurance and tax reasons and stuff. We don’t even need to _worry_ about that kind of thing because as far as the government is concerned, I’m already dead. Jimmy’s dead legally, too. A guy named _Castiel Winchester_ didn’t even exist until recently thanks to Charlie. And that’s really all marriage is for. That and you make a big show to everyone, trying to convince them you love this other person you decided to stay with for the rest of your life. And most people don’t even do that anymore nowadays.”

Cas watched him. “All it is, is a piece of paper stating that you’re bound together?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, basically. For reasons that don’t even pertain to us. And we don’t _have_ to prove to anyone what this is, man. I think Sam knew before I did.”

Cas smiled a little and nodded slowly.

Dean smiled. “Charlie seemed to know pretty quick, too. Was only around her twice before she figured out I was upset over you. And three times before she started hinting at how _dreamy_ you sounded in those damn books.” Dean rolled his eyes and sighed.

Cas watched him, then looked down at the ring. “Is the ring part of marriage?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it is. It’s… it’s kind of meant to signify to everyone else that you’re taken, off the market, whatever. But people only know that if it’s on the right finger. That’s not why I gave it to you, though.”

Cas looked at him. “What’s mine for, then?”

Dean blushed a little. “It’s kinda—Ha, um—“ Dean cleared his throat. “mostly, I just wanted you to have something of me on you all the time… just in case. That’s why the ring is just like the one that I wear.”

Cas looked down at the ring again, his eyes a little wide.

“Just in case something happens, or you end up on a hunt by yourself, or even if you just… go out somewhere alone. I don’t know. It’s kind of cheesy—“

“No, Dean.” Cas shook his head, looking up at Dean. Dean stopped and watched him. “Dean, I think that’s a good idea.”

Dean smiled a little, blushing deeper. He leaned his head against Cas’ shoulder. “So yeah. That’s—I just wanted you to have a piece of me, I guess.”

Cas watched him and ran his hand through Dean’s hair. “I will have to find something of mine to give to you. So I’m always with you, too.”

Dean shook his head and chuckled softly. “You have my ring, so mine kind of reminds me of you.” He kissed Cas’ neck. “Besides, I kind of already do, don’t I?”

Cas’s brows pulled together in confusion.

Dean looked up at him. “When you pulled me outta hell. You, uh… remember the one time, you told Sam and me—you told us that when a claim is made on a living soul, it leaves a mark?”

Cas watched him, still confused. “Yes. But what—“

Dean took Cas’ hand and set it on his shoulder, over where the handprint had once been. “I came outta hell with this huge burn, same shape as your hand, Cas. It’s not there anymore, but I know where it was. And, man, my whole body reminds me of you. You remade it. You put me back together, fixed me up—I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you. I’d be downstairs—“ Dean swallowed hard. “I’d probably be a demon by now, honestly. I don’t think it woulda taken me real long.”

Cas’ hand came up from Dean’s shoulder to cup his cheek. He watched Dean quietly for a moment, leaning forward to set his forehead to his. “You are good, Dean. Had you not been so, it wouldn’t have been you I had saved in the first place,” he said softly, stroking Dean’s cheek with his thumb.

Dean smiled a little and wrapped his arm up around Cas. “I love you, Cas,” he whispered after a moment, nuzzling his face into his shoulder.

Cas took a deep breath and pulled Dean closer, a smile pulling up the corners of his lips. His heart and stomach fluttered with Dean’s words. He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into Dean’s hair.

“I love you, too, Dean.”


	30. Something Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s eyes flicked over Cas slowly, watching his chest rise and fall. He watched Cas’ eyelids twitch in response to a dream and his bangs—that now hung into his eyes—fluttered slightly under Dean’s breath. He watched him, like the however many times Cas watched him, and found that maybe it wasn’t so weird. He watched his Angel breathe and dream and he could not stop. Because Cas was here, Cas was with him.  
> He wasn’t sure when that was never going to not come as a shock to his system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, readers. This is the end. I’m typing this now without the use of my left pointer finger and it’s very difficult, so forgive me (sliced it open with a bread knife today, so the bandaid makes it impossible to use). I also would have gotten this up sooner today, but I am currently in the middle of moving! So I was unable to write until I got home. But what’s a post from me if it’s not late, right?  
> I have never written a fic in my life, and I have never written anything longer than maybe a couple dozen pages, so this whole thing has been very new and challenging and was such a great experience. I’m not great at sticking to things, but all you guys, my readers, have kept me going. Without you, this thing might not even have lasted a week.  
> So, thank you all so much for your comments, you love, and especially just for reading. I hope this final chapter is as good an ending as you all deserve for supporting me through this. Enjoy!  
> \- Sam
> 
> Edit: I listened to this http://www.rainymood.com/ while writing the chapter. It might help to better set the mood for the scene.

Dean woke up to the muffled sound of rain and Cas’ hot breath on his neck. He blinked a few times, his eyes coming into focus but straining in the dim light of the bedroom. He stretched slowly, a yawn pulling at the corners of his mouth. Cas made a soft sound, stirring at Dean’s movement, and he pulled Dean closer, arms tightening around Dean’s chest.

Dean smiled and rubbed Cas’ arms slowly, fingers dragging lightly over the hair on his forearms, before maneuvering himself around to face Cas. Cas only shifted slightly, giving a soft sigh as he and Dean settled back together.

Dean’s eyes flicked over Cas slowly, watching his chest rise and fall. He watched Cas’ eyelids twitch in response to a dream and his bangs—that now hung into his eyes—fluttered slightly under Dean’s breath. He watched him, like the however many times Cas watched him, and found that maybe it wasn’t so weird. He watched his Angel breathe and dream and he could not stop. Because Cas was here, Cas was with him.

He wasn’t sure when that was never going to _not_ come as a shock to his system.

Dean slipped his hands up Cas’ chest slowly and up around his neck for a moment before settling around Cas’ face. He heard thunder outside as he dragged his thumbs lightly over Cas’ cheekbones. It sent a slight shiver up his spine.

Cas made a soft noise, stirring. “Dean?” he said, his voice rough.

Dean watched him and smiled. “Hey, Cas,” he whispered.

Cas blinked his eyes open sleepily and he looked up at Dean, his eyes almost black in the dark of the room. “S’it morning?”

Dean nodded slowly. “Think so.”

Cas groaned quietly and cuddled close to Dean, his eyes going closed again. “Don’t wanna get up.”

Dean smiled and ran his hands through Cas’ hair. “We don’t have to, Cas,” he said softly.

“Mmm…” Cas nuzzled his face into Dean’s chest.

Dean smiled and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the side of Cas’ face. “But you could stay awake at least for a little bit.”

Cas sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around Dean, holding on with his octopus limbs. “Sleep,” he mumbled.

Dean chuckled and ran his hands back down Cas’ shoulders and sides slowly. They trailed down and around the curve of Cas’ hips and over his ass, giving him a light squeeze.

“ _Deeeean_ ,” Cas groaned, soft against Dean’s skin.

Dean ran his fingers slowly through the crease between Cas’ cheeks, nudging gently at the small puckered hole as he skimmed over it. Cas shivered in his arms and let out a soft sigh. Dean pressed another kiss to the side of Cas’ face, this one open-mouthed and wet. He brought his fingers to his mouth and wetted them before dipping them back between Cas’ cheeks. Cas whimpered softly and turned his face upward to look at Dean. Dean returned his gaze, the tips of his fingers still nudging gently at Cas’ hole gingerly. Dean’s eyes fluttered close when Cas leaned up and pressed his lips to his, kissing him eagerly. Cas tipped his head at just the right angle, lips sliding with Dean’s. He pressed into the kiss, taking whatever breath Dean gave and giving Dean his in return. Their mouths were hot and wet against each other, teeth biting and tongues nudging and licking, wanting more.

Dean dipped the tip of his finger into Cas gently and Cas whimpered into his mouth. He wiggled it a bit before pushing in deeper, working it around until Cas was around him up to his knuckle. He drew it back and Cas _whined_ for it. Dean pushed it back in, deeper this time, before finding a steady rhythm with it, kissing Cas lazily. Cas hips pushed back into his hand, hungry for it, and Dean slipped in a second finger when Cas felt a little looser. He scissored his fingers, hooking them every which way, trying to find Cas prostate.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas gasped, their lips parting only slightly, dampening each other’s skin with heavy, hot, wet breath. “More.”

A shivered rolled its way up Dean’s spine and he kissed the corner of Cas’ mouth as he pushed in a third finger after drawing the other two out. Cas tensed slightly around him, then relaxed, his eyes fluttering closed.

Dean fucked him with his hand slow and steady, twisting and spreading them, opening Cas up for him. He nudged and pushed and crooked his fingers until Cas suddenly shuddered almost violently, his mouth falling open in a silent moan. Dean pressed into the same spot again and Cas finally let out a little gasp.

“Right there,” he breathed. “Again.”

Dean pulled his hand back, but before Cas could protest, he drove them back in, pressing into Cas prostate a few times. Cas moaned, his fingers pressing bruises into Dean’s back where he held him.

“Ah!—Dean, more—I want more—“ Cas gasped, rolling his hips back. “Dean, I want—“ Cas shuddered again.

Dean could feel precome smearing between their bodies, hot and sticky around their cocks. He nodded, understanding, and he drew his fingers out slowly. “Yeah, Cas. Yeah. I can give you more.”

Dean drew back reluctantly and rolled over to face his bedside table. He opened the drawer and dug around, pulling out a small bottle and a little square packet. He ripped the packet open, taking the condom out and sliding it quickly over his sensitive dick. He rolled back over to Cas and leaned into him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“I’m gonna take care of you,” Dean muttered against his lips, promising.

Cas just nodded, touching his face. “I know.”

Dean smiled a little and sat up. Cas rolled onto his stomach, splaying his legs apart slightly, arms wrapping around the pillow in front of him. Dean moved between Cas’ legs and looked down at him, taking in the sight. Cas was all lean muscle, built like some kind of big cat. The muscles in his back around the tattoo between his shoulder blades rippled slightly. Dean ran his hands slowly over Cas’ body, then over his ass, fingers running to dip into him again.

Cas groaned and closed his eyes. “Just fuck me already, Dean. _Please_.”

Dean let out a laugh and he blushed. “Damn, Cas.”

“I want to feel you. _Now_.”

“Yeah, okay okay.” Dean grabbed the small bottle, dumping lube into his hand to slick up his cock. He added a bit more before tossing the bottle away and he ran it through Cas’ crease before sliding his slick fingers into him again. He dipped them in a few times, making Cas squirm. He pulled out and wiped his hand on the sheets beside them before leaning over Cas, taking his cock in his hand.

Cas whimpered as the head of Dean’s cock nudged against his hole. It felt so much bigger than he thought it would, but he tipped his hips back a little, not wanting to wait a minute more. Dean’s free hand came up to Cas hip and he held him still, pushing until Cas wrapped around Dean slowly.

Dean let out a shallow breath, his heart pounding against his ribs. He let go of his cock and leaned forward on his hands, balancing easier, and he pushed into Cas slowly. Cas bit his lip, groaning though his mouth was closed. He set his face in the pillow he was holding, pushing his hips back as Dean inched forward.

Then Dean was hip to ass with Cas. He was in him, fully sheathed inside Cas, feeling hot and dizzy with adrenaline.

Dean stayed there a moment, wanting to make sure Cas was use to being so full, but Cas made a noise and moved his hips.

“Dean, _move._ Please— _fuck—_ move.”

Dean’s mouth fell open. “God, Cas, you got a dirty mouth all of a sudden.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas groaned. “Now is not the time— _Oh my_ —“

Dean had pulled back quickly, but pushed in again slowly. He didn’t want this to be over so fast. He wanted it to last. He wanted to curl up around Cas, stay inside him for as long as he could. Be he also needed to move. He wanted to drive into Cas, make him beg for it.

Dean fucked into him, slow and lazy, a few times before leaning down further, settling into a long line pressed against Cas’ back. Cas settled into the bed further as Dean wrapped his arms under his, hips thrusting slowly into Cas, filling him deep. Cas whined and moaned, gasping little breaths whenever Dean’s hips would thrust a little more quickly than they last had.

Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ shoulder, a low rumble escaping his chest with his next thrust. “ _Jesus Christ_ , Cas. God, I wanted this for _so long_ …”

Cas shivered beneath him and groped for Dean’s hand. Dean’s palm settled over Cas’ knuckles and their fingers tangled together, holding tightly to one another, connecting each other in an infinite loop.

Cas pushed his hips back up into him and drew in a deep breath, turning his head to look at Dean. “I love you, Dean,” he breathed, his eyes fluttering closed with the next push into him.

Dean leaned in and found the corner of Cas’ mouth, pressing a soft kiss there.

“Need you—oo _h yes_ —Dean, I— _right there_ —I need you.”

Dean groaned softly, his hips stuttering. He drove his hips forward, fucking deeper into Cas, so close to the edge, he was dizzy with it.

Cas made soft little noises before tensing around Dean, clenching, his thighs shaking as he came on the sheets beneath him. His fingers tightened around Dean’s and a little moan escaped his lips.

That was all it took to have Dean coming right behind him, hips jerking a few times before tensing as his vision whited out.

Dean breathed heavily, resting his forehead to the back of Cas’ shoulder, while Cas shivered beneath him, whole body shaking in the aftermath of his release. Cas whimpered softly as Dean pulled out, sitting back on his heels to take off the condom, tie it off, and toss it in the direction of the trash can. He could get it later.

He lay down beside Cas, the heat that had pooled in his gut slowly receding as Cas pushed up onto his side and scooted close to Dean. Dean wrapped his hands around the back of Cas’ head and rested his forehead to his, watching him. Cas stared at him, eyes wide enough to see the whites even in the dark. Cas’ hands snaked around Dean and held him close.

Dean watched him, eyes flicking over Cas’ face briefly before landing on his eyes again. Dean gave him a small smile, fingers twirling into the hair and the base of Cas’ skull. Cas smiled in return, nudging his nose to Dean’s affectionately. “We don’t really have to get up, do we?”

Dean chuckled softly, shaking his head. “No. No, we don’t.”

“Good.”

Dean pulled him in when Cas snuggled closer. Dean closed his eyes and set his face in Cas’ shoulder.

“I’m never letting you go, Cas,” Dean muttered against Cas skin, wrapping his arms around Cas, as if to prove how physical he might literally get if Cas would try to leave.

Cas just shook his head, arms holding Dean equally as tight around his waist.

“You don’t have to worry, Dean. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean smiled against Cas’ shoulder, letting out a soft sigh.

Everything was quiet then. All there was was their still slightly-labored breathing, the gentle sound of the storm outside, and the ticking of the block on the nightstand. Everything was warm and soft and calm. Dean pulled a blanket up over them, cocooning them in the warmth that flowed between them like a river now.

The world outside was raging on; Abaddon was still on the loose, the fallen Angels were not going to stay under the radar for long. It would be Hell on Earth soon if they didn’t act fast.

But for now, they had this; a lazy Midwestern summer morning, rain lulling them back into an easy sleep. Rain that also washed away with it the final dregs of doubt that had left them dirty for so long.


End file.
